Within five minutes of writing my love myself post yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself in our hallway mirror. I actually said to myself, spoken out loud (husband out of town again this weekend), "Watch out, wide load coming through!".
This negative self-talk is one of the hardest things for me to stop doing. I do it all day long and constantly catch myself either thinking or saying really cruel comments about my appearance. It's especially difficult now because I really don't like the way I look. I'm actually horrified by the distortion of my body and face. If anyone else talked to me like I talk to me, they wouldn't be someone I'd associate with at all. Kind of hard to do that when the person that continually puts me down is me. I'll continue to work on this, and try to say positive things in my self talk, but it's really hard!
My husband is in Denver this weekend with his dad. It's a good thing he flew down there Saturday morning. The hospital discharged him from the hospital on Friday, and took him by ambulance back to his little apartment. The poor guy can barely walk, couldn't even get out of bed. Since he refused rehab they said they had no choice but to send him home.
When my husband got there yesterday morning his dad said he really didn't feel well and thought he needed to go to the emergency room. Another ambulance ride back to the hospital. So Father's Day will be spent getting him moved into a rehab center to try to help him get strong enough to live on his own, although highly unlikely he'll ever move back home. Smoking = emphysema. Bad stuff.
My plans for the day:
First, a 9:45am spin class. Even though my eating is still not where it should be, I have managed the gym for three days in a row. It's extremely hard to exercise at my current weight (213) and going to the gym is like going to a place of torture. There's really no other way to say this: I hate it! There's a reason you don't see a lot of really obese people at the gym. I totally understand Who would want to go to a place where everything you do hurts? You'd have to be crazy. Or have to desperately want to lose weight.
There was a study published a few months ago stating exercise really only attributes to about 3% of our overall weight loss. I've always know this is true. I didn't know the exact percentage but you know when you burn 300 to 500 calories at the gym that really doesn't amount to much in food. Building muscle is good, but it still doesn't make that much difference in weight loss. Eating less is what's really important. What exercise does for me is work my mind. I get in the right mindset to lose weight. So my number one priority now is get to the gym, no matter what. No excuses.
The rest of the day is sister day. Our Sunday routine is usually a movie and a late lunch or early dinner. We're going to attempt to see The Most Exotic Marigold Hotel again. The last time we tried to see this movie, it was sold out. It was at a very small, privately owned theater, that I thought would be fun to go to, but their movies sell out quickly. Plus parking was a nightmare. Today we'll go to the big chain theater where I can buy the tickets through Fandango. This time, no movie popcorn for me and dinner will be grilled fish (not steak like last time). It's all about the choices I make.