Saturday, June 16, 2012

If I love myself...

I picked up a book the other day. It was used, in a big pile of used books we had at work, and it was only $.50. It's a self-help book, and a review on the back cover says "An excellent book for restructuring one's life and finding self-esteem and self-love." I hesitate to give the title yet until I've read some more. The author is listed as a "metaphysical" lecturer. I'm not sure how I feel about that so I want to read more to make sure it's not some nut-case book that I'm recommending.

This book isn't about weight loss, but the few pages I've read so far have really helped me get my head in the right place for exercise and dieting. Since I've been on a self-hate mission, using food as my method of self-destruction, I know I have issues in the self-esteem, self-love arena.

It's no secret that I've really been struggling with my weight. I've gained back a lot of the weight I lost. My weight this morning is 213.6. I was actually attempting to be careful in what I ate last week, and went to the gym three times, but I still gained three pounds in a week. Obviously, I have a problem.

In this book, there are exercises for the mind, as seems to be the rule of most books on self-esteem (this isn't my first). The book stresses the use of positive self affirmations, which have never come easy for me. Loving myself versus my natural state of hating myself is not something I'm good at doing.

This is the exercise I'm on now.

Exercise:  I Love Myself

Take a pad of paper and at the top, write, "I LOVE MYSELF; THEREFORE..."

Finish the sentence in as many ways as you can. Read it over daily, and add to it as you think of new things.

There's more to this exercise, the "Claim the New" where you visualize or imagine what you are working toward. Fill in all the details. Feel, see, taste, touch, hear. Notice other people's reactions to your new state. 

Sounds like a weight loss book.

My list so far:

I love myself; therefore...

I will eat healthy foods in moderate portions.

I will cook for myself. I am worth the time and effort. 

I will eat very little processed foods. I deserve better.

I will exercise daily to keep my body and mind healthy.

I will not talk mean to myself when I look in the mirror. 

I will not talk mean to myself when I step on the scale.

I will not talk mean to myself when I get dressed in the morning. 

I will not talk mean to myself. Period. 

I will not worry about what people think about my weight gain. It doesn't matter what they think. This is my problem, not theirs.

I will be kind to myself even though I've gain a lot of weight. 

I will understand there are reasons I gained the weight and not blame myself or call myself stupid and ugly because of it.

I will accept responsibility for what I have done to myself, but not hate myself because of it. 

I will not condemn myself repeatedly during my day for gaining weight. 

I will love myself. 

I will be gentle with myself. 

I will be understanding when I go off my plan, and not criticize myself repeatedly with words of hate and shame.

I will be encouraging to myself.

I will drink lots of water and not use the excuse at work that I don't have time to go to the bathroom.

I will resume my healthy habits that I've neglected, such as taking my daily vitamins and supplements.

I will discontinue getting a small buttered popcorn at the movies every weekend with my sister. I don't even like it that much and it's very unhealthy. 

I will track my food. Bite it, write it. Regardless of which weight loss plan I choose, this is critical in weight loss. Again, I'm worth the time and effort.

I will buy some clothes that fit so I'm comfortable and look presentable. It's just a size, it doesn't make me a bad person to wear a larger size.

I will approve of myself instead of continually disapproving of my every action.

This is my list off the top of my head. I'm sure there will be many more things that I will add to it.

Sixteen years ago, during one of my many weight loss attempts, I lost 108 pounds (I was 123 pounds, 5' 6" and actually, a little too thin). My husband told me something I've thought about a lot lately. He said "when  you're thin, you're a different person. You're happy and positive about life. You want to do things. When you gain weight, you're not happy and your entire personality changes."

He wasn't necessarily being critical, and since I was at a low weight I took it as a compliment. He spoke the truth. I am a different person on the outside when I gain a lot of weight, and as unfortunate as it may be, that changes the person on the inside too. 

If I love myself, I will do this.

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The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...