Showing posts from July, 2012

I found the fat people

The fat people were grocery shopping this afternoon at my local supermarket. In fact, we looked like we were at a fat people convention.

I went straight from the gym to the grocery store (and yes, I was a hot, sweaty and very unattractive mess...more on that later). I don't remember the last time I shopped on a Saturday afternoon. There were a lot of extremely overweight people there today, and my heart broke a little for each and every one of them. I know first-hand how much this hurts, physically and mentally.

I'd guess the average BMI was 40+. There were a lot of people that appeared to be 250 to 300 pounds (and they weren't seven feet tall!). I'm a pretty good judge of weight. I'm 213 pounds, 5' 6", and I was probably one of the thinner of the fat people.

I really try not to pass judgement on overweight people for buying junk food:  a.) it's none of my business and b.) I've been there. Yet, I couldn't help  myself as I peeked into their g…

Where are all the fat people?

I took the day off from work. It was going to be a sort of mental health day for me, and catching up on chores. That idea ended quickly when my husband called as he was on his way to work and said his sister had texted him that their dad's blood pressure was less than 60/40 and the machine couldn't even read it. This is one of the signs that death is near.

My husband rushed home, we made a conference call to the hospice and his dad is doing "okay", and could hang on for days or weeks. He was asking for his Coke so they took that as a sign he's got a little life left in him. Plus he's still flirting with the young nurse, Ashley. She looks a lot like my mother-in-law did when she was young, absolutely gorgeous (they're divorced). Ashely calls my father-in-law her Romeo. He always wants a  hug and kiss from her. Guess he's not dead yet.

The hospice urged us to make arrangements for cremation, which we were suppose to do Monday, but my husband is really …

You made me made me cry and you made me smile

Tonight I finally took a few minutes to read through the comments on my post "Hitting Rock Bottom". I was stunned and amazed at your heartfelt support, and really surprised that anyone even reads my posts these days.

As I read each comment, I started to cry. I'm just so overwhelmed with the love and support from so many of you when I've failed so miserably at the task of losing weight. Each comment was written with kindness and careful thought. They were written to lift me up and help me find my way.

I don't know what to say, other than thank you from the bottom of my heart. You make a difference in my life. I am forever grateful for each of your comments.

I will take your suggestions and put them into action as part of my plan to get my weight loss back on track. Your words of support will be with me as I continue the struggle.

Thank you again my dear friends.


Back from hell

I'm back from Denver. Where my husband, his sister and I moved his 73-year old dad into The Denver Hospice. My father-in-law was transported by ambulance since he can't walk. The hospice is a beautiful, new facility, but sadly, it's filled with death and the grieving. Definitely not the happiest place on earth.

Of course everyone was talking about the shootings in Aurora. The hospital where my father-in-law had been staying, and the hospice and our hotel were all within a couple miles of the theater where the shootings occurred. There was an extreme amount of sadness in Denver. It was also 98 degrees which was almost unbearable.

I've never been happier to be home and can't wait to get back to my job and normalcy. There's a lot to be said for normal.

On the weight loss front, I actually have good news. I made it a point to eat as healthy as possible. Whether it was hospital cafeteria food, fast food or a sit-down restaurant, I made healthy choices. I also guzzl…

Hanging in there with life...and death

I had a great, happy, upbeat and cheerful post all ready to post on Friday, but I wanted to proof-read it before posting it and as a result, I never posted it. Then things happened and it seemed unimportant..

I'd had a good night food-wise on Thursday, went to the gym Friday morning and worked out like a maniac. The first 15 minutes were pure hell. I won't lie. I HATED every sweating, hurt pumping, painful second. I wanted to leave, not walk, but run out the front door. I stayed for an hour and a half. It changed my entire attitude for the rest of the day and even for the next day. Now I remember why exercised is an essential part of the weight loss plan. Losing weight is really about what's going on in my head.

Yesterday morning I took my sister to see a movie, The Dark Knight Rises. No reviews on that movie. You'll have to make your own mind up on that one. After I dropped off my sister at her home I drove to the airport to catch the 5:40pm flight to Denver, with my …

The hardest thing I've ever done

Tyring to get back into diet and exercise after months of not really "being into it", is a huge struggle for me.

I remember many Weight Watcher meetings where our leader would say, "you know, losing weight isn't rocket science" or "this isn't the hardest thing you've ever done". Then she'd ask things like: Did you graduate college? Did you have a baby? Have you raised a child? Have you ever been married? Have you lost someone you loved?" She always name off several things that every person in the room had experienced, usually not just one of the things, but several of them. Then she would say, compare exercising and eating less to that experience. Then she'd followup with, losing weight is easy in comparison to any of those things. Everyone in the room would nod in agreement.

These days I'm not so sure I'd nod in agreement. I'm really feeling challenged. It feels like the hardest thing I've ever done.

I almost mad…

Hitting rock bottom

I think I finally hit rock bottom, and I don't like it here.

1. I tried to pull on a pair of size 16 jeans this morning. I couldn't even get them up over my hips. I had to wear one of the two pairs of size 18's that I bought last week.

2. I don't know how much I weigh. The last time I weighed, last week I think, I was 217. Those size 16 jeans were tight, but at least I could get them on and buttoned.

3. I feel like hell. I get winded walking from my car to my office building and it's a very short walk.

4. Walking up one flight of stairs almost makes me pass out. Three flights almost kills me. How did I managed to climb 69 flights of stairs for the Big Climb last year and I did it in 19 minutes? How could I have let myself go like this?

5. I don't recognize myself in the mirror. In fact, I avoid mirrors if I can.

6. My body aches. I don't like the rolls of fat hanging off my body. I'm very uncomfortable in this body. I don't feel like myself.

7. I ha…

I'm just not a caveman

I tried to do the Whole 30 this past week, on and off. Actually, more off than on. I have issues with it. It made me feel awful. Maybe it wasn't the diet, maybe I was coming down with something, but I felt yukky all week.

Deleting entire food groups from my diet didn't feel right. Milk, grains, legumes. Bad for me? The thoughts on how and when to exercise also concern me.

There are good things about eating like a caveman. Eating real food, eating organic when  possible makes sense. Deleting dairy and grains doesn't make sense. 

I know the primal/paleo diet works for a lot of people. I know this because I read it on their blogs. As much as I wanted to embrace the Whole 30, I just don't think it's a good fit for me.

That being said, what is my plan? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. Who knew that at almost 57 years old I still wouldn't have this figured out.

My weight this morning, 216.4. Talk about feeling yukky. As my sister used to say …

A rough start with Whole 30

I really thought this would be a good weekend to start the Whole 30 plan. My husband was out of town so I had complete control of what I ate. Or did I?

Saturday went pretty well until about 8pm. I spent the day with my sister. First, her two-hour hair appointment (and she looked gorgeous when they were done). Then Magic Mike. Turned out not to be as fun or interesting as I thought. Stupid subplots, didn't like the character The Kid. Hated Matthew McConaughey's character. Now Magic Mike, he was "interesting", but the movie was a lot more raunchy than I expected. I know, what should I have expected, it was a male stripper movie.  Basically, another stupid movie.

It was 6pm after the movie (where I avoided popcorn or diet Coke - a nasty habit I acquired recently). My sister's normal bedtime is 5:30pm. She sleeps 12 hours a night. I read this is normal post-stroke. At least she doesn't take a nap in the afternoon anymore. She was too tired to go out to eat and in…