Thursday, July 19, 2012

The hardest thing I've ever done

Tyring to get back into diet and exercise after months of not really "being into it", is a huge struggle for me.

I remember many Weight Watcher meetings where our leader would say, "you know, losing weight isn't rocket science" or "this isn't the hardest thing you've ever done". Then she'd ask things like: Did you graduate college? Did you have a baby? Have you raised a child? Have you ever been married? Have you lost someone you loved?" She always name off several things that every person in the room had experienced, usually not just one of the things, but several of them. Then she would say, compare exercising and eating less to that experience. Then she'd followup with, losing weight is easy in comparison to any of those things. Everyone in the room would nod in agreement.

These days I'm not so sure I'd nod in agreement. I'm really feeling challenged. It feels like the hardest thing I've ever done.

I almost made it through yesterday perfectly. Unfortunately, by the time I got home at 9pm I was too wiped out to care about much of anything, much less myself. It was a long work day of fixing major bugs on one of the most challenging projects I've ever worked on at work, with constantly moving requirements. It had a release date that was originally two months ago and now we don't even have a release date (too many issues to set a firm date yet).

When I got home I needed to work on my most challenging personal project, losing weight. I had nothing left to give to myself. I was exhausted. I had taken my workout clothes to work, with the intention of going to the gym after work since I couldn't force myself to get up early enough to go before work. Of course, at 9pm I didn't go. I was mentally and physically wiped out.

After a healthy breakfast and lunch, dinner was a piece of deli fried chicken, left over from a couple days ago. Two Pomegranate frozen fruit bars for dessert. Then bed. No vegetables and no fruit.

I woke up feeling exhausted. I weighed today, 218.8. Not much of an improvement from the 220 yesterday, but I'll take it. At least I didn't gain another pound.

Today is simple. Eat healthy, count calories, exercise. Exercise...I'm not sure when or how that became such a huge challenge for me. I'm not sure how I managed to exercise almost every day for four years and then totally drop out. It's like nightmare come true. Gaining a ton of weight and becoming sedentary.

I guess it's just one day at a time, as so many bloggers say. There's not much else I can do except to keep trying. Maybe today will be the day I get my act together again. Let's hope so. I really don't want this to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

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