Showing posts from April, 2012

Things that made me smile today...

I've seen this before, but when I saw it on a grandniece's Facebook today it made me laugh out loud. She's 21, has a four-year old, going through a divorce, works 30 hours a week at a nursing home, and goes to nursing school full time.

After my 13-hour work day today, I can't sleep so I was watching Jay Leno (way past my normal beditme), and he mentioned this video. Very cool and very sweet.

Still hanging in there, trying my best to get through one day at a time. Work is killing me!

Love the sunshine

My two hours of working on my sister's paperwork and trying to organize her business receipts for the tax accountant for her 2011 taxes (just got her 2010 a few weeks ago)  turned in six hours! I hate paperwork!

However, I love our weather and I'm heading outside in a few minutes. I can't decide whether to get my bike down and go for a ride or go to the gym. It would my first bike ride since August 6, 2011, when I broke my scaphoid bone in my wrist and wore a cast for three months. I'm a little apprehensive about getting on a bike.

I'll let you know tomorrow if it's the gym or the bike ride. Tomorrow is definitely a picnic down by the water with my sister. I finally got the disabled parking placard last week so we should be able to find parking (I hope!).

I'm on track with the calories today and wearing my BodyMedia. It said I only slept four hours last night. That explains why I woke up exhausted this morning. Not sure how I'm ever going to fix my slee…

Worth the fight

I'm starting to get back in the groove, but I forgot how much time it takes to track my food. Oh my gosh! Weighing and measuring, writing stuff on pieces of paper then putting it into the computer at night. How did I do this for most of four years?

Actually, I know the answer to that last question. I wasn't the legal guardian for my sister that had a debilitating stroke six months ago. She left behind a very complicated, messy financial situation that I'm still trying to sort through and take care of things. The dust will settle eventually, but I can't wait for that day. It's that old story, if I don't take care of myself, how can I make sure she's taken care of?

Tracking my food isn't really that terrible or difficult. I use the BodyMedia software, which I highly recommend. They've even enhanced it since I used it several months ago. You can customize the table by selecting ten nutrients to dispaly from a list of 26. I love this feature.

Below is m…



I know how it happened. I just can't believe that I let it happen. This is 100% on me. I did this to myself. There aren't any excuses for gaining almost 30 pounds in the past five months. I was 172 the beginning of November 2011, now I'm almost 200 pounds.

I'm trying to claw my way out of this mess. It's really difficult. Everything is harder at this weight. I can't cross my legs. My clothes are all too small. I don't recognize myself in the mirror. Exercise is excruciatingly painful. The StairMaster, which was my favorite cardio machine is now a machine of torture. My knees hurt, my feet hurt, and most of all, my heart hurts. I've asked myself over and over, why?

The absolute worse part of this that on top of all the other things I have to worry about in my life, I added being fat to the list.

I'm working on it. Two days in a row at the gym, and I tracked my calories today (too high at 2,205). Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

What happened to day 3, 4, 5 and 6?

My daily posting and getting back on track my exercise and dieting just went all to hell this week.

Sunday was a day with my sister, Joyce, which sucks the life right out of me. I love her, I love taking her places and doing things with her, but it's hard to be with her for a long period of time. I'm getting better with the wheelchair transfers, her odd responses to things and her constant post-stroke nonsensical chatter. I don't want to discourage her talking because sometimes I hear a word that's familiar. So I do a lot of nodding and pretending I understand when really I don't have a clue what she's talking about. It's still hard for me, and I know it's hard for her.

Then in Monday work hit me like a ton of bricks between the eyes. I still have to take a week of on-call every ten weeks. It's highly stressful. Getting called at odd hours to be told systems are down and there are flight delays and fees can't be charged to our customers is stres…

Day two and three fourths: What a day!

I haven't had a day like this in a long time. It was a series of unfortunate events.

I worked on my sister's paperwork for two hours, from 6am -8am, trying to get the Guardianship Implementation Plan and Inventory completed for the State of Alaska Courts. It's a detailed account of her life, and it's due May 28. Remember, she had and still has a complicated life. I hate working on it, but it has to be done.

Then my husband walked into my office at about 8am and asked what I had done with the coffee pot. When I told him I gave it to Goodwill two weeks ago, he flipped out. That was the start of World War III. He hadn't used it in over a year. It was collecting dust and it was in the way. It was old and gross. I'm in a "scaling down mode", so I'm giving away a lot of stuff lately. This makes him insane. He's a hoarder. We have an ongoing battle about "stuff". I'm not into it. I hate "stuff laying around, I hate clutter and knic…

Day 2: It's Saturday! I love Saturday!

My favorite day of the week is Saturday. I like to stay at home on Saturday and do house stuff. I actually find joy in mindless household chores. My latest thing is spring cleaning.

I've been organizing my closets, bookcases and even tackling the garage, one box at a time for the garage. It's filled with 24 years of junk, including boxes that haven't been opened since we moved into this house twelve years. I'm scaling down on the stuff. I detest useless clutter, and I want it out of my life.

Maybe seeing the 73 years of stuff at my sister's 3,800 square foot house triggered something in me, or maybe a few of those Hoarders shows, of maybe it's because I feel like it's the only thing in my life where I have control.Regardless of what caused this sudden "I've got to get rid of this stuff", it makes me feel better about my surroundings.

I started with the bathroom closet last weekend. I got rid of at least 50 bottles of hair products, and three h…

Making a comeback

I'm stealing this idea from Tony. Good ideas are worth stealing, right?

I've been gone for far too long. I've been immersed with post-stroke sister issues and job pressures and marital problems. Somewhere along the line, I lost myself. Everyone and everything else in my life has been more important than me. I miss me. I know that sounds silly, but honestly, I often feel surreal, like I'm watching my life go by, standing on the sidelines, but I'm not in my life. Does that make any sense? Re-reading that sentence makes me sound a tad bit crazy. Perhaps I am.

I want my life back and the only way I know to do it is to take it back. Go back to doing the things I enjoy, back to doing things that are good for me. Perhaps that makes me selfish and self-centered, but I want to enjoy life. As far as I know, this is the only life I'll have on this earth. I don't want to waste it with worry and stress and misery. I want to laugh, to be happy, and to enjoy every minute…

I should have done this a long time ago

Therapy. I should have done therapy a long time ago. I tried a few times, but never liked the therapist. In the past twenty years I've seen three therapists, one session each. They all gave me books to read and lots of homework. I often thought, I'm paying you, you should have read the books and then give me the Cliff notes.

The therapist I'm seeing now is also called a "life coach" and specializes in helping people deal with stress and anger. I've known her for about ten years through Toastmasters (which I haven't attended in over two years). I've always liked her and enjoyed her company. It turns out she's an amazing therapist, and better yet, she sees me on weekends so I don't have to leave work for a "doctor" appointment every week.

After only two sessions, I'm already developing the tools to deal with my life. I feel so much better. No hives last week for the first time in five weeks. Although I did have what I guess would …