Showing posts from June, 2012

Whole 30 and Dirty Dozen

Second post in one day, I must be feeling better!

I just skimmed through It Starts With Food on my Kindle. This is really going to be a major change for me. I'm curious about the outcome so I feel really motivated to do it. Weight loss would be great and is my ultimate goal, but feeling better by not eating all the crap I've been eating is even more exciting.

Although I'm not sure I'm completely on board with everything they're suggesting, I'm willing to give it a try. I'm suspicious about cow's milk being unhealthy, but they're logic makes sense. I agree about artificial sweeteners. I was pretty sure that Stevia is not all that healthy and the authors validated my thoughts.

A couple links for you, one is the link to the It Starts With Food website with a lot of free downloads, like how to get started with the Whole 30 and even a shopping list (which is in my purse right now): 

They have so much information on their website you almost don't nee…

Feeling more like myself

For the last few months, I've haven't felt well. I didn't know what was wrong, but I was always tired and borderline unhappy. Not depressed, just not really happy. In fact, I didn't feel like I was feeling anything. It was weird and not at all like how I usually feel. I was not normal, mentally or physically.

I blamed it on my weight gain of 40 pounds in the past seven months. I'm sure that was part of it, but yesterday I realized something else that changed about two months ago.

A quick recap of the past nine months:

August 2011 - Broke my wrist while bicycling and was in a fingertip to elbow cast for three months (first month was a fingertip to shoulder cast). Told would most likely have surgery. Missed a ton of work since I couldn't type (I'm a software developer). Fortunately it all healed and no surgery, but a stressful period.

Sept 2011 - My sister had a catastrophic stroke that left her completely paralyzed on her right side, unable to speak intellig…

Easy to talk the talk, Hard to walk the walk

Within five minutes of writing my love myself post yesterday, I caught a glimpse of myself in our hallway mirror. I actually said to myself, spoken out loud (husband out of town again this weekend), "Watch out, wide load coming through!".

This negative self-talk is one of the hardest things for me to stop doing. I do it all day long and constantly catch myself either thinking or saying really cruel comments about my appearance. It's especially difficult now because I really don't like the way I look. I'm actually horrified by the distortion of my body and face. If anyone else talked to me like I talk to me, they wouldn't be someone I'd associate with at all. Kind of hard to do that when the person that continually puts me down is me. I'll continue to work on this, and try to say positive things in my self talk, but it's really hard!

My husband is in Denver this weekend with his dad. It's a good thing he flew down there Saturday morning. The ho…

If I love myself...

I picked up a book the other day. It was used, in a big pile of used books we had at work, and it was only $.50. It's a self-help book, and a review on the back cover says "An excellent book for restructuring one's life and finding self-esteem and self-love." I hesitate to give the title yet until I've read some more. The author is listed as a "metaphysical" lecturer. I'm not sure how I feel about that so I want to read more to make sure it's not some nut-case book that I'm recommending.

This book isn't about weight loss, but the few pages I've read so far have really helped me get my head in the right place for exercise and dieting. Since I've been on a self-hate mission, using food as my method of self-destruction, I know I have issues in the self-esteem, self-love arena.

It's no secret that I've really been struggling with my weight. I've gained back a lot of the weight I lost. My weight this morning is 213.6. I was…

Standing on my own two feet

Yesterday wasn't a perfect day, but it was a much better exercise and food day than I've had in the past month.

Even though I didn't make it to the gym, I still burned over 2500 calories according to my BodyMedia (which I'm wearing again). I worked in the yard, specifically, I pulled weeds and planted flowers. I use to love working in the yard. The feeling of a weed-free flower bed and beautiful flowers planted by my own hand always delighted me in the past.

Yesterday, as I was on my hands and knees pulling up stubborn weeds, with every part of my body aching, I kept asking myself "why did I ever think gardening was fun?". It's hard work, and getting up from being in an on all-fours position when I weigh 208 pounds was particularly painful. A few times I thought I might not be able to get up. Which made me realize just how quickly my body has fallen apart. The lesson learned is that if I don't take care of my body, it won't be able to take care of…

Now it's time to work on me

As in the case of most weight loss blogger disappearances, no news is usually not good news. I've been gone from here almost a whole month. It's not been a good month. Let's start with my weight. 
I feel really awful about my weight gain. I hate being this fat. I feel and look terrible. The emotional and physical pain of being obese is overwhelming. I'm angry at myself that I let this happen. 
I've been wallowing in self-pity for weeks, actually, more like months.  Once I lost control, I couldn't get it back. No food was off limits, and portion control wasn't even something I thought about. The gym, I think I went three times in the last month. 
After being in control for most of the last four years and maintaining my weight under 180 after starting out at 240 in 2008, I thought I had beat my food demons. I was wrong. I wasn't safe from my crazy obsession with food. I struggled but I was slowing losing the battle. 
There is a bit of good news to this sad…