Monday, February 25, 2013

Sunday Update

I'm running a bit late this morning, but now that I have my blog back I'm committed to posting on a daily basis again. I also intend to get back to reading my favorite blogs and leaving comments. Just like the old days.

Yesterday was a bust as far as exercise and journaling my food. I spent twelve solid hours on the computer trying to finish the annual report for the Alaska court for he guardianship and conservatorship of my sister. I forgot just how much of mess last year's financial piece was for her. Selling the house, selling her apartment complex, the two auctions for her personal belongings and one for the farm equipment, along with numerous other financial dealings I handled for her. I forgot what a hell of a year it was after her stroke. I finally got it all in Quicken after twelve hours but the numbers came up wrong so I still have more work to do on it.

I was anxious and upset all day yesterday and couldn't figure out why. About 9 p.m. I burst into tears. It finally occurred to me what was wrong. All the horrible stuff I went through with my sister last year came back to me full force. It was like I was reliving last year as I documented each transaction. Things I totally forgot about hit me full force. As well as how miserable things were at home with my husband as I tried to deal with my sister's post-stroke life.

There was dealing with my sister after she had her a severe stroke from which she never recovered. Her depression and wanting to die. The doctors that offered no hope. Her crazy daughter (my niece) and the restraining order against her. All the legal dealings with lawyers in Alaska and lawyers down here, going to court for the guardianship and conservatorship, evicting my other niece and grandniece from the apartment complex. My niece was fifty and my grandniece was in her mid-thirties, neither worked, two apartments and they wouldn't move out after I sold the complex which resulted in another court appearance or the sale wouldn't go through. The two years of back taxes ($10,000) my sister had to pay, and the fear that she would be homeless if I messed up her financial situation. It was miserable reliving all of that but at least the report is almost done. A good helped too.

Speaking of my sister, there's been no change in the last six months or so. She still can't speak or use her right side. She actually does speak, but it's gibberish. She can nod yes and no, but sometimes gets those mixed up. She acts like she can read, but I'm not sure. She always has a book with her and I take her National Geographic which she gets excited over, but I have no way of knowing if she can actually read. She's really good at jigsaw puzzles. We go to the movies and dinner on Sundays and she seems to enjoy doing both. Her health is still good and she seems content in her life. Not happy exactly, but content.

I've got to get going, get ready for work. I'm going to spin class tonight with some people from work. I'm excited about using my new gel bike seat. A gal at work bought one but never used it so sold it to me for half price. It's suppose to make a world of difference. We'll see. I'm not thrilled with my spin shoes. It seems like it makes it a lot harder. I guess that's the point, but spin cylcing is hard enough without making it harder.

I'll be back tomorrow!


ABBY said...

A,ways remember you are an amazing person.
A true survivor.

MaryFran said...

Sounds like you may have needed to have yesterday to properly grieve for everything that happened in conjunction with your's hard to grieve such losses and issues when you are in the heat of the moment. Yesterday sounds like it was a day of healing.

Secondly.....I'm a firm believer in life happening. Not making excuses for life, but realizing that some days are just not going to be perfect with eating and exercise. The trick is not letting one day turn into two. The trick is not dwelling. So you had a day where you didn't do what you had originally are moving on with your spin class tonight. I call that a collossal WIN!

Carrieheff said...

So glad you are back! I missed you, would check everyday hoping you were back up and running. Glad it was something simple that shut you down and not something horrible like I was imagining.

Mer and Mo said...

So wonderful to see you and your blog again - thought maybe you had deleted it. Looking forward to catching up and sending you good wishes for a most wonderful week!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay Strong - be good to yourself.


Carrieheff said...

Nobody has forgotten about you! You just need to UPDATE your blog! :-)

Ida said...

Diane, Yes, you posted on my blog Losing Myself. It was good to hear from you. Thank you on the compliment about my story. I often read your blog, just don't always comment. I am glad you got your blog back.