Saturday, March 30, 2013

What can happen when you're obese

It's been a tough week. Ha! What else is new with me? Every week seems to be a tough week. Now a health concern on top of everything else.

I had the CT scan on Tuesday and was told it was a large fibroid and an ovarian cyst on my right side. The gynecologist was concerned I might have ovarian cancer so she ordered a ultrasound yesterday.  I had the ultrasound and the technician showed me  the screen. We could see the huge fibroid filling up my entire uterus. It grossed me out.

My gynecologist called me at 2pm and told me the good news is the ovarian cyst doesn't look like cancer, however, my fibroid isn't a fibroid. It's endometriosis, where the lining of my uterus has become so thick that it's taking up my entire uterus.

Monday I'll have a biopsy done where they'll stick a tube up through my cervix and into my uterus to get cell samples. That doesn't always work, and if id doesn't then a "scraping". Even if it's not cancer then she needs to know what is causing the endometrium to grow out of control. This is extremely rare in postmenopausal women.

Google has told me what caused this medical condition. It's on every "postmenopausal endometreosis" website I visited. The number one risk factor is OBESITY. I have the next several risk facts as well, but the most shocking and hard to handle one is obesity. That was in my control. There others were out of my control.

I also looked at my medical history on my clinic's website. I signed up for it yesterday so it was the first time I've looked at it. There it was, in 2004 when I weighed 240 pounds. The words hurt.


I know I'm fat, obese, morbidly obese, but to see it there in print where someone typed it in, (in all caps -- nothing else was in all caps), it was like a kick in the head. I remember the doctor too. A tiny little Asian woman. I remember the conversation we had about it. I remember immediately, within a couple days anyway, joining Weight Watchers and losing a significant amount of weight. Now I've gained most of it back. Now I'm paying the price with my health.

I screwed up. Big time. This is my fault. The fact that I have to have a complete hysterectomy. Even the fact I might have cancer. I did this to myself. There's no one else to blame. I knew the risks of being morbidly obese. I thought I could get away with it. I was wrong.

I'm over the initial shock of the whole thing. I got the news yesterday. Got angry at myself, but it's too late now. The damage is done. If it's cancer, I'll deal with it. If it's not, then it's just a simple hysterectomy. Not a huge deal.

Either way, this is an eye opener for me. I'm another statistic of what happens when we let ourselves get obese. I suppose I'm like a smoker that doesn't think they'll get cancer. I won't happen to me!

My immediate goal is to start on a really healthy eating plan and exercise. I've let that slide lately. Now that I have surgery in my near future I know I won't be able to lose much weight before the surgery, but I can at least get on a healthy eating track.


Lyn said...

Oh Diana, I am sorry. It sucks. And I understand the guilt, but try not to beat yourself up over this. You can do something about it NOW, and that is what counts. And you can also lower your risk factors for ovarian cancer significantly by drinking green tea daily. Praying for you!

Katrin said...

I am sorry to hear you are going through all this. Please don't beat yourself up too much. We all do the best we can. Please take care.

Anonymous said...

diana just get back on track. its not to late and don't waste time and energy beating your self up.
just take care of diana.