Monday, April 29, 2013

The food we eat and cancer

Yesterday I went through my freezer, refrigerator, pantry and cabinets and threw away things that I considered unhealthy. I couldn't believe the pile of stuff I had when I was done. I didn't realize how much processed food I had been eating.

Even things I thought were sort of healthy, I ended up throwing out. Like Dreyers frozen fruit bars and Chobani Greek yogurt had a lot of added sugar. No wonder I loved this stuff. I'm looking at sugar as the enemy now. The last thing I want to do is feed the cancer cells.

I found an interesting article on sugar and cancer written by a doctor from the University of Texas, 'Does cancer love sugar?'. Even though the naturopath oncologist agreed with me that sugar feeds cancer, that's not necessarily true. It's more what sugar does to the waistline and it's addictive properties (which I know all about). This article recommends a maximum of 26 grams (6 teaspoons) of sugar a day for women.

If I ate just one non-fat Chobani yogurt (15 grams sugar) and one Dryers fruit bar (19 grams sugar), that's 31 grams of sugar a day. I often ate two Chobani's and two frozen fruit bars in a day, or 62 grams of sugar (almost 14 teaspoons of added sugar!). I was also eating a lot of fruit, as well as other foods that contained sugar. I've definitely been eating too much sugar, cancer or no cancer.

Luckily I like Stevia, and in a pure form it's considered non-carcinogenic according to some research. At least from what little data I could find. This article, Sevia and Cancer, indicates it may even have some anti-cancer effects. My favorite Stevia is NuNaturals. I've used it on and off for the past four years and it's the only Stevia product I'll use since it's in the purest form you can buy. Most stores that have a health food section, such as Fred Myers in the Northwest, carry their products. It's not bitter at all, unless you use too much.

I went grocery shopping yesterday for the first time since before the surgery. As I went up and down the store aisles, I noticed the shelves were packed with pocessed food. I guess it never meant much to me before but now when I looked at food I judge it differently than I did before. Instead of just looking at calories and fat, now I judge food whether it's good for me or good for the cancer. Does it have cancer-fighting properties or is it filled with cancer-promoting ingredients. I ended up with very few processed foods.

This is really a different way of thinking for me. I've always thought it was okay to eat a little processed food, a little sugar wouldn't kill me, just everything in moderation, right? Now I don't want to give any random cancer cells any help on finding a place to reseed and start multiplying.

It's funny in a way. I was trapped in a bad marriage for almost 25 years. It literally took my husband putting a loaded gun to my head and threatening to blow my head off to make me file for divorce. I've been trapped in a fat body for years, now it's taken a death threat, cancer, to make me completely change my eating. Rather ironic, isn't it?

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Lifestyle changes...a matter of life or death

I saw the naturopath oncologist on Thursday. She provided me with a wealth of information. Sadly, I was turned off by her pushiness to sell me $200 worth of supplements (a one-month supply) at the end of our appointment.

We got into a bit of an argument when I told her my current situation, divorce and now medical bills, had created a very tight budget for me. She got nasty and said this was my life we were talking about and if I wanted to live I needed to take these supplements, and of course, buy them from her since "they were of the highest pharmaceutical quality". I told her well, if it was a choice of a roof over my head or the supplements then I would have to choose the roof. It sort of ruined the good feelings I had been feeling up to that point.

Regardless, I did walk away with a lot of knowledge and $100 of "essential" supplements that she said was a must. I haven't taken any of them yet since I have to run them by my traditional oncologist to make sure she approves. There was a green tea extract, some sort of cumin powder mixture that I'm suppose to drink, and a mushroom capsule. I looked them up online and two of them, the green tea extract and the cumin powder do seem to have a history of building the immune system. The mushroom stuff was referred to as "folk" medicine. I really didn't like the high pressure sales. I'm sure they make a lot of money off of this stuff and it seems wrong to tell a cancer patient who has no money that they need to buy this stuff or their cancer will probably return. Obviously, I'm still a bit disappointed this happened.

Now for the really big changes in my life. I have to totally change my eating. I'm going to organic vegetables and fruits, with emphasis on the vegetables and small amounts of fruit (sugar is sugar). Small amounts of animal protein that is free-range and organic. Mostly chicken and fish, very little, if any, red meat. I'll be eating as little processed foods as possible. More lentils and beans, but I have to really watch the carbs due to I need to keep my insulin levels stable. I'm not diabetic but my fasting glucose has always been on the high end, in the 90's. Not pre-diabetic, but too close for comfort.

Portion sizes have to change to smaller meals and more often. Gone are the days of starving myself to death so I can wear size 6 jeans, then binge eating my way right back to size 18. Now it's really eating to live.

I'm also cutting back on dairy, which is a little sad because milk has always been my beverage of choice. Everything I've been reading talks about animal products causing inflammation, including milk. If there are cancer cells running around in my bloodstream, they're looking for inflammation. That's where they'll reseed and start growing. Small servings are okay, but big glasses of milk with my meals are no longer on the menu. Fermented dairy, like yogurt, is okay, but very low sugar.

Processed sugar is completely off the menu. Everything I've read indicates cancer feeds on sugar. I've known for years that sugar isn't a good thing to be eating. It always trigger cravings, and I really don't miss it. The key for me is to avoid it 100%. One bite triggers cravings for me.

I had already starting eating like this about a week ago when I was reading about cancer online and how important nutrition is to prevent the cancer from returning. I'm finding it a lot easier to eat like this than I expected. There's a bonus too, I feel so much better already.

I also can't believe how much better organic food tastes. It taste incredibly delicious. I baked a a free-range, oganic chicken last night with organic carrots, yukon gold potatoes, celery, asparagus and onion. It was literally one of the best meals I've eaten in my entire life. I had no idea there would be such a difference in the taste and texture of the food.

There's a whole list of things I have to work on besides nutrition, like sleep, exercise and my mental attitude (handling stress) are just a few things. I'm reading a couple of books that are really helpful, Five to Thrive, "your cutting-edge cancer prevention plan". And Love, Medicine, and Miracles. These are great books and are giving me a lot of insight and knowledge on how to deal with my cancer diagnosis.

My oncologist (the traditional one) gave me the go ahead last Wednesday to return to the gym. I still haven't gone, but I plan a visit this morning. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks since my total abdominal hysterectomy. I feel better but I'm far from 100% recovered. My workout will be gentle, just enough to get my heart rate up and light weights.

One thing I haven't mentioned in a long time is my binge eating. When my evil, soon-to-be ex-husband lived here I would get up in the middle of the night and eat. Not a little, but a lot. It was serious, out of control binge eating. That went on for years. It was a constant battle and barely a night went by when I wasn't in the kitchen at 1 or 2 a.m. looking for something to eat. I would eat a huge amount of food and go back to bed, alone in my bedroom.

A strange thing has happened. When my husband was arrested for assaulting me and I have a restraining order against him, my binge eating came to a halt. I may have done it a few times right after he left, but I haven't done it for months (he's been gone six months). In hindsight I know it was my unhappiness and feelings of not being loved that caused the binge eating.

I'm feeling very positive about my fight against cancer and my life. These life changes are challenging, but this really is a matter of life or death.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

A new lease on life

As weird as this is going to sound, in a way, I'm thankful for my cancer diagnosis. You probably think I've lost my mind but it's given me new energy to fight for my life, as well an appreciation for this world that I've never had before.

I had my follow-up appointment with my oncologist and after reviewing my pathology report there were some positive numbers on it that increase my odds of surviving cancer. Perhaps moving it from 50% to a 60% five-year survival rate. Of course, these numbers are just a crap shoot and no one really knows.

Since this cancer doesn't respond well to chemo or radiation those are both off the table for now. I didn't know this but every cancer has it's own chemo cocktail. ULMS (uterine leiomyosarcoma) is so rare that it doesn't have it's own special chemo cocktail. They use what they think might work but so far the results haven't been good. If the cancer does come back, it will require more surgery and then they will attempt the chemo and radiation.

I'd read that this is such a rare cancer that often an oncologist might only see one or two cases of ULMS in their entire career. I asked my very young oncologist (maybe 35 years old) if she'd ever seen a case of ULMS or was I her first. I'm her third patient which she even said is pretty remarkable. She had a new diagnosis of one last week, Stage 4. No chance of survival. The cancer had mastasized into the woman's liver and they sent her home to die (she's in her mid-sixties). I'm very grateful that at least I have a chance of survival and a pretty good one too. Stage 1B is almost as good as it gets (1A would have been better).

My new lease on life is taking me to see a neuropath oncologist this morning that specializes in women's cancers. This is with the blessing of my traditional medical oncologist. The neuropath is suppose to be one of the best in the state of Washington and one of only three in this state that is a board certified neuropath oncologist. She focuses on nutrition and stress relief in order to build the immune system to fight cancer. Hear that cancer, I'm going to fight you with all I have in me!

I'm amazingly happy today. My sister-in-law (soon to be "ex" but I will call her my sister after the divorce..married to my husband's brother) went with me to my oncologist visit yesterday. She is a wonderful friend. The end of my marriage has renewed our friendship especially since we weren't able to see each other much for years because my husband and her husband barely spoke and hated each other. After the doctor we went shopping for me to get a "panty girdle". I haven't worn one of those since high school. My five-inch incision hurts if it isn't held in place. The hospital gave me a big elastic band to wear which is fine under PJs or a nightie, but doesn't work under clothes. Then we went to lunch, then a mani/pedi. We had a blast together. Laughing and talking and just enjoying each other's companionship.

Last night my manager came by and visited. We're not close friends, but it was nice of her to drop by. We talked and laughed. I made continual jokes about my cancer and death. Some people find my humor gruesome, but I think it's kind of funny that I have cancer. I mean, really, look at my life these last two years. You just have to laugh that on top of all that crap that now I have cancer. If you don't see the humor in that then you don't have a sense of humor. I find myself sometimes just giggling when I think about it. I mean, really God, do you think this is what it takes to get my attention? Okay, big guy, you've got my full attention now.

My manager was appalled at the online calculator I found for ULMS that can predict your survival rate. It's on the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center website. I found it last week, but didn't have all the numbers from the pathology report to put in it and had to guess. Even then I came up with 57%. My oncologist told me yesterday she was going to tell me about it but I had already found it. That's where my oncologist got the 60% number. The doctors actually use this website to determine approprate treatment. Again, just a crap shoot. No one really knows.

Speaking of treatment for my cancer, there isn't any. My oncologist thinks the chemo or radiation would do more harm than good. If there are cancer cells that escaped prior to the surgery through my bloodstream then it's unlikey the chemo or radiation will catch them. Even though she thinks she got all the cancer with the surgery, there's really no way of knowing for sure. Tumor size is an indicator if the cancer will return even when they think the cancer has been completely surgically removed. A tumor larger than 5 cm is bad and the larger the tumor the great the odds the cancer cells have already spread. My tumor was 8.5 cm.

Enjoy your day and enjoy your life. Each day is a precious gift. Don't wait to enjoy life until you've been diagnosed with something like cancer.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I have cancer

I had my total abdominal hysterectomy on April 11. After the surgery my oncologist surgeon told me everything looked good. She was sure I didn't have cancer. Since there was less than 1% chance that my fibroid was cancerous I felt confident that everything was good.

The surgery went well, although the pain after the surgery was hideous. I have a six inch vertical cut from my belly button down to right above my pelvic bone. It's not pretty but it was necessary to remove my uterus and the fibroid intact.

When I came out of the recovery room my three best friends were there waiting for me. I'm really lucky to have such great friends that care for me. I don't know how I'd get through this without them.

My body parts, uterus, fibroid, cervix and one ovary (one was left inside of me) were all sent to the lab to be biopsied. On April 17th I received a phone call from my surgeon's associate (my doctor was on vacation) that I have Uterine Leiomyosarcoma. She told me it was an extremely rare and aggressive cancer. The conversation was short since I had a followup visit with my surgeon on April 24.

After researching Uterine Leimyosarcoma (ULMS) online, I was very upset. This isn't the good uterine cancer, the one with a 90% five-year survival rate. This one is different. It's so rare that there isn't much known about it. It affects six in one million women.

I called my doctor's associate back last Thursday and asked several questions. I'm in Stage 1B which sounds good, but even at this stage it only has a 50% five-year survival rate. Those aren't very good odds. Also, the larger the tumor is over 5 cm (mine was 12 cm) the more likely it will reoccur even if all of it was removed during surgery. I'm thankful I'm not in Stage II since that stage only has a survival rate of 0 - 20%.

I stumbled across a blog by a woman that was diagnosed four and half years ago with Stage II ULMS. She's still going strong, but she had to completely change her life. From removing stress factors to changing her diet to all organic, natural foods and no sugar. Cancer feeds off of sugar.

Cancer also feeds off of estrogen, which is why I have to have my second ovary removed as soon as possible. Even though I'm postmenopausal it's still producing a minute amount of estrogen.

Fat also produces estrogen, so I'm on a diet. Not a crazy, starve myself type of diet, but a whole foods, healthy diet.

Other than the cancer, the criminal trial is on schedule for June 11 and the divorce in November. Very stressful events that I'm trying to handle without making myself crazy. I can't wait for this to all be over.

I will fight this cancer as hard as I can, and I'll do the best to change my life. It's not going to be easy, but it'll be worth it.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Update on surgery...there is no update

Well, it turns out that surgeons are human after all. Who knew? Just as my ride to the hospital pulled into my driveway yesterday at 7:30am, I received a phone call from the hospital that my surgeon had called in sick.

I wasn't mad at all, just terribly disappointed. It never occurred to me that my surgeon might get sick. I hadn't taken a Vicodin at 2am when the last dose had worn off. Since I couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight, I couldn't take the Vicodin. It makes me really nauseated if I take it without food. By 4am I thought if I wasn't going to the hospital in a few hours that I'd be driving myself to the ER. The pain was excruciating. The first thing I did after the phone call was take two Vicodin and go to bed.

The surgery is scheduled for Thrusday, 4/11 at 6am. This morning I thought I'd try to go without the Vicodin, and if I was okay, I'd go into the office. As expceted, the pain was once again unbearable and constant. In the beginning it would come and go without pain meds, now it comes and stays.

Back on the Vicodin. This means I can't go into work. They have a very strict rule of no narcotics while on the job. I'm also not suppose to drive while on Vicodin. So now I'm stuck at home and really can't do much of anything except read, watch TV or surf the internet. All of which puts me into instant sleep mode.

My newest side effect of my fibroid is that eating has become very unpleasant experience. Even the smallest amount of food sends me to a new level of pain. I guess because the my stomach presses down on my enlarged uterus causing the fibroid to then press down even harder on my cervix. I'm not sure if that's the problem, but I know that even when on the Vicodin, eating food causes pain almost instantly. Maybe I've found a new diet plan, "rapidly growing fibroid removes desire to eat". I somehow don't think this will be popular with the masses.

I sure do miss my good health. You never know how good you had it until it's gone. Once this is over, I plan on giving my health 100% focus. Okay, sleep time is coming on. I guess I'll go lay down now.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Update on my health issue

Below is an email I sent this morning to my friends, family and coworkers. I thought it was easier to just post this here too for my few friends I have out in the blog world.

Thank you for your kind emails. I haven't been very good about responding to anyone. I'm sorry. I'm sort of in a tizzy with everything happening so fast.

I'll post once I'm home on Wednesday or Thursday.

Hi everyone,
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I really appreciate it.
I've been debating on how much to tell everyone about what's going on with my health. I've decided to give you some details since I told a couple of you there was a chance of cancer. If you don't want to know any of this, you should stop reading now. :)
In January I started having some lower abdominal/pelvic pain. Mostly cramping with some stabbing pains. It went away after a week so I didn't think much about it.

About two weeks ago the pain started again, but this time it was worse, and it didn't go away. Every day the pain became a little more intense. In the last week and a half I've had a CT scan, an ultrasound, and a biopsy of my endometrium (lining of my uterus in case any guys are reading this). The biopsy was negative. However, there was a large mass growing in my uterus (they thought it was a fibroid, but not sure). They couldn't biopsy it because they didn't know where the cancer might be growing inside of it. They would have to remove the fibroid to biopsy it. My gynecologist discussed this with the gynecologic oncologist in Seattle and they thought it was best if I saw the oncologist to review my options (which turned out to be very limited).

After four hours of being poked and prodded Friday by the oncologist, she said she "thinks" what I have is a large, rapidly growing fibroid. Fibroids are usually not cancerous, but the ones that are cancerous are the rapidly growing ones. Since there's a possibility of cancer and since it's growing so fast (it actually increased in size since the Tuesday ultrasound), the gynecologic oncologist felt it was best if she does the surgery, a total abdominal hysterectomy.

The oncologist won't know if the fibroid is cancerous until she removes my uterus with the fibroid intact, and has it biopsied while she keeps "working on me". If it's cancer then my ovaries and lymph nodes will also be removed. She can't do the surgery laparscopically since the fibroid is so large, as she put it, the size of the head of a 32-week old fetus (or a very large grapefruit). She can't take the risk of the fibroid falling apart as she removes it because if it is cancerous the cancer cells would be released into my bloodstream and cause cancer to develop elsewhere. I thought that was interesting. I didn't even know that could happen.

Unfortunately, the abdominal incision will be vertical and about seven inches. She said she has to do the surgery this way since things are "abnormal" (I heard that word over and over). This is because of the size of the fibroid and how my uterus is pressing into my other organs and displacing them. She said it will be tricky to remove my enlarged uterus and not damage the surrounding organs. No worries on the incision because my bikini days are long gone, so this is the least of my problems.

My surgery is tomorrow, April 8, at 8:45am at the Seattle Virginia Mason Hospital. The surgery usually only takes an hour, but my oncologist said mine could take two to three hours since it's a bit more complicated than a normal hysterectomy. I'll be in the hospital for two or three days, then home for three to four weeks, depending on how the surgery goes (cancer versus no cancer).

I'm sure I don't have cancer. I don't feel like I do. :) Even if on the very remote chance it is cancer, it would be treatable so I'm not worried. Just another chapter of my already crazy life.

If anyone asks about me, feel free to share any of this information. As you all know, my life is an open book.

I'll update you once I'm home from the hospital. Take care, and I'll see all of you in a few weeks.


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Taking my good health for granted

Right now, I'm playing the waiting game. Waiting to hear if I have endometrial cancer. I keep telling myself I'm sure I don't have cancer. I don't "feel" like I have cancer. Yet there's that little voice in my head that keeps reviewing the statistics. Statistically, the odds are stacked against me.

Ive been thinking about the obesity factor. Obesity greater than 50 pounds over ideal body weight is 10 times more likely to develop endometrial cancer. I don't think I've ever heard this statistic before. If I had, would it have made a difference in my weight? Sadly, probably not. Because like most people, I thought I was invincible. I've always been blessed with good health. I thought that it would last forever. I was wrong.

Out of the higher risk factors for endometrial cancer, I have four of them: obesity, postmenopausal, lack of children and hypertension. I appear to be a textbook case for having endometrial cancer. Yet I still think this can't happen to me. I'm too healthy, things like this just don't happen to me, then I have the foot-stomping reaction...this just can't happen to me! Not now! I have too much to deal with, I can't take this on too! Honestly, God, what about that deal we have, where you will NOT give me more than I can handle? Then I calm down and tell myself I can handle whatever is thrown my way. My sister's stroke, my divorce, potential bankruptcy, all seems to fit together. I got the bundle package of bad stuff that can happen to a person. I can only go up from here.

At Significantly Higher Risk for Endometrial Cancer (from
  1. Obesity greater than 50 pounds (23 kg) over ideal body weight (10 times as likely).
  2. Postmenopausal women.
  3. Menopause after age 52 (2.4 times as likely).
  4. Lack of children (twice as likely).
  5. Women with hypertension (twice as likely).
  6. Diabetics (2.8 times).
  7. Women who do not ovulate, those with polycystic ovaries (Stein-Leventhal syndrome).
  8. Estrogen replacement therapy without supplemental progesterone (seven times as likely).
  9. History of pelvic radiation therapy (eight times).
Another sad fact for the obese woman, we can't even have laparscopic surgery if there's cancer, we have to have the old fashioned, slice open the abdomen surgery:

Most gynecologic oncologists recommend a midline abdominal incision to gain access to the upper abdomen. However, laparoscopic surgery (minimal invasive surgery) including a hysterectomy, removal of both tubes and ovaries, removal of the pelvic and para-aortic lymph nodes can be performed in non-obese women, allowing a quicker release from the hospital, a quicker recovery, and where applicable, an earlier return to work. Complications of surgery include infection, bleeding and injury to the bladder, rectum or ureter causing a leak (rare). There may also be blood clots in the legs, occasionally dislodging and traveling to the lungs (pulmonary embolism).

I should get the results of the biopsy today. My doctor told me I would hear from her in a day or two. The biopsy was on Monday. Now I just have to wait.

I've changed my diet back to eating healthier and eating less. I haven't gone to the gym because I feel like my insides are going to fall out. I have intermittent stabbing pains that take my breath away. I don't have them all the time, sometimes I'll even go fifteen minutes without anything. I just don't have the desire to exercise right now. Funny how pain does that to a person.

My gym membership expires this month. I think that's sort of funny. Perfect timing since I won't be able to go for a few weeks if I have a regular hysterectomy. Or several weeks if the gynecologic oncologist performs the hysterectomy. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to renew my membership anyway, regardless of cancer or no cancer. As soon as I'm feeling better, I want to get back exercising.

I'll post as soon as I get the results of my biopsy. Maybe a cancer scare is just what I needed to wake up and take control of my health. It certainly has made me aware of what's important and just how much I love life.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Endometrial cancer biopsy of a nulliparous woman

Nulliparous:  a woman that has never given birth.

I wanted to post this while the experience is fresh in my mind. Also, if there's anyone out there that does a search for this, they can read about my experience.

I finished the procedure about 20 minutes ago. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt, because it hurt like hell. The good part is it only hurt like hell for about three minutes. The other fifteen minutes were uncomfortable, but completely bearable. Those three minutes were bearable too since I'm sitting here writing about it, but it was some pretty intense pain. On my scale, I'd give it a 7 or 8. I've never given birth or had anything really bad to compare it too, so I probably tend to rate my pain higher than most people.

I am a nulliparous woman, meaning I have never given birth. To get to the uterus my doctor had to insert a very slender straw-like tube through my cervix. The tube appeared to be less than 1/8 of an inch and I thought it wouldn't be that difficult. My cervix disagreed and was closed up tighter than a clam. It refused to let anything get through. Even the misoprostol (the abortion pill) didn't seem to have any effect on my cervix. My doctor said it probably had helped a little but she still couldn't get the tube through the cervix and into my uterus.

This meant the big needle came out, with the local anaesthesia. Just the idea of what appeared to be a six inch needle going inside of my vagina to get to my cervix was unpleasant. There was a quick pinch with the needle, then it was over.

Next came the tube again. Even though I'd had the local, that tiny tube cause intense pain when it went through my cervix. It was the worst cramps that I've ever experience as my cervix seem to go into convulsions. I could hear the suction as tissue was sucked from uterus lining (which now fills my uterus). Fortunately things went well and there was plenty of tissue removed for the biopsy. There were a few tears, but I got through it.

Even after the tube was removed, I still had cramping and it took a few minutes before I could sit up again and breathe normally.

I'm writing this because what I read online didn't match what happened to me. Every article said there might be a sharp pain or some mild cramping. Of course, the fact that I've never born a child and that nothing has ever passed through my cervix is probably what made my pain a little more intense. It was only for a few minutes but it was very uncomfortable.

Fortunately, I have an amazing doctor. She's extremely kind and understanding and reassured me that what I felt was completely normal for someone who has never had a child. She also told me she was going to be in Seattle tomorrow and she'll call her friend in pathology and ask them to move me to the top to get the biopsy results. Hopefully by tomorrow at this time I'll know something.

I'm fairly confident that it's not cancer. However, I read this morning that a woman that is more than 50 pounds or more overweight increases her risk of endometrial cancer by ten-fold. That means I'm ten times more likely to get this cancer. However, even if it is cancer, I'll beat it.

I have the biopsy procedure today

Today is the biopsy of my uterus to check for endometrial cancer. I've already decided I don't have cancer and this is just a precaution. You know, positive thinking will make anything bad go away. I can't tell you how many of my friends, who mean well, keep telling me to think positive. It sort of makes me giggle. Like positive thoughts can wipe out cancer.

Regardless, I really don't think I have cancer, and I'm only having the biopsy because my doctor recommended it. Probably another unnecessary, expensive procedure to cover their backside. I think a lot of these procedures the doctors do are so they don't get sued later down the road in case there is something wrong. I guess better safe than sorry.

I'm more worried about the two little pills I have to insert vaginally in about two hours, six hours before the procedure when they insert a thin tube up through my vagina, through my cervix and into my uterus. Then a machine will suck out some cells out of the uterus which will be sent to the lab and biopsied. I watched a gross video on this last night with a real person. Looked icky, but didn't look too painful.

What is more disturing are the pills. I picked up the prescription late last night. I had totally forgot about the procedure today. Thank goodness for my 24-hour pharmacy.

After watching the youtube videos on "uterus biopsy" I looked up the medication, Misoprostol. It's an abortion pill! It's used to terminate a pregnancy by starting labor. It's also used to induce labor in the second and third trimesters. I vaguely remember the doctor telling me on the phone Friday afternoon that the biopsy will be "uncomfortable" with a lot of cramping. I didn't think much about it. Now I'm feeling a little nervous, but I'm sure it won't be that bad. I've had some pretty severe cramping these last two months from the endometriosis so I'm use to pain.

Other than last night when I was fretting about going into labor today, I had a great weekend. The weather was spectacular Saturday and Sunday. It even got up to 71 degrees yesterday. It reminded me of that old Perry Como song, "The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle". It was gorgeous. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday working in the yard. As much as I complain about my soon-to-be-ex-husband, he did do a lot of yard work (soon is in November when the divorce trial is set). Of course, when you don't have a regular job and a lot of free time...okay, I won't go there.

I gave up on the two gas mowers. I couldn't get either one to start. When I reached my maximum frustration I drove down to Home Depot and bought an electric mulching mower. Quiet and no nasty gas and oil business to deal with. Super easy to start and it ALWAYS starts. I haven't done the mulching yet, but used the bag. I thought the grass was too long to mulch. It's the best mower ever! Black & Decker MM1800. Better yet was the $199 price tag. It also doesn't weigh a ton like the old mowers. Love it!

I pulled a lot of weeds from the flower beds (some of the biggest dandelions I've ever seen) . I have plans to plant the plants I want in the back yard. Over the years my husband had managed to destroy or pull up most of my perennials. He said he thought they were weeds. We had a lot of fights over the years about my flowers. I had a lot of gorgeous perennials in back but now the only two things left are the giant bearded irises and one Bleeding Heart (which doesn't look healthy this year). It makes me sick because at one point I had at least twenty different varieties of perennials and it was so pretty in the back yard. Now it's become a hoarder's yard, filled with junk. I have a lot of work ahead of me (more trips to the landfill).

I took my sister to see the G.I. Joe movie yesterday. Not exactly an Easter Sunday type movie, but it was pretty good. Lots of action, which I know my sister likes. I wasn't feeling that great yesterday. Maybe it was all the yard work over the weekend, but I was out of sorts yesterday afternoon.

That's it. Another hour or so, and I insert my abortion pills. Fun times.