Thursday, October 10, 2013

You do not know me

The criminal case against my husband has been thrown out. The assistant prosecutor called me Monday and told me. He is very young and inexperienced. He told me that he didn't think he could win the case. He said it was a "she said/he said" case. I guess the bruises and scrapes on my body, the hair that fell out in clumps the next day from my husband pulling it out, don't mean anything.

Today I read what he wrote about the case and why it was being dismissed. I was devastated. I was called a liar, that I didn't sound like I was afraid on the 911 tape. I finally stood up to the bully and because I didn't run screaming from the house in the middle of the night that what happened to me was my fault. I don't even begin to understand our justice system, but I can certainly see that it's flawed.

I want to send this to the little twerp that's the assistant prosecutor, but I'm not going to. It wouldn't serve any purpose. However, writing it here has helped me.

To the assistant prosecutor on my case --

You do not know me

You do not know the pain I've endured during my 24 years of marriage to a tyrant and a bully.

You do not know how many times I was screamed at and called names like "stupid fucking bitch" or how many times my husband  told me that I was an idiot, that I didn't know anything.

You do not know how many times I was shoved and pushed by my husband. Or how he would stand an inch from my face and called me names that I can't even put in writing, screaming at me so loud that his spit would hit my face.

You do not know about the time my husband ripped the collar on my bathrobe as he jerked me around like a rag doll.

You do not know about the time he literally tore down my locked bedroom door in the middle of the night so he could scream at me.

You do not know how many times he would come into my room in the middle of the night while I was sleeping, yelling obscenities at me. The next day I would have to go to work while he slept.

You do not know about his relationships with other women during our marriage or his porn addiction.

You do not know about his 10,000 emails and chats over the last two years to a woman that was his high school sweetheart. His main topic was me and how much he hated me and that I was stupid.

You do not know about all the years my husband spent not working, always finding an excuse to avoid full-time employment, going for months at a time staying home and watching TV or sleeping or instant messaging his girlfriends and viewing porn. While I worked full-time the entire time of our marriage. I was the main support of the household

You do not know that I was raised by a good family on a homestead in Alaska with wonderful parents.

You do not know that I'm a Christian and believe in God and Jesus as my Savior. I was raised in the Baptist Church and was taught to be kind, to follow the ten commandments and to be a good person and live a good life. I was taught that divorce is wrong and that God hates divorce. However, considering my marriage I'm pretty sure I have God's blessing for my divorce.

You do not know that I have a college degree and work as a software developer engineer.

You do not know that I have worked for the same company for 30 years.

You do not know that I have close girlfriends that I've had for over 25 years and that my husband's only friend is someone he met a few months ago.

You do not know that I'm the legal guardian of my disabled 74-year sister who suffered a debilitating stroke two years ago. She can't speak or walk. I visit her every Sunday and take her out to a movie and dinner.

The most important thing that you do not know about me is that I'm not a liar. What I said happened on the night of November 7, 2012 was the truth. The man I had lived with for 24 years put a loaded 357 magnum between my eyes and said:  "You stupid fucking bitch, do you want me to blow your fucking head off?! I will, I will! I'll do it you stupid bitch!". I didn't make this up. It's embarrassing to me to even repeat those words.

He crossed the line that time and that's why I called the police. That's why I reported this because I finally stood up to the bully.

For you to throw out this case after eleven months and say it was my fault because I yelled at my husband, that I didn't sound scared when I was on the 911 call, and that there's no case is reprehensible. You should be ashamed. You're a disgrace to your office.


Michelle said...

I'm so sorry. This is incomprehensible.

Grace said...

Diana, I am so sorry you had to go through all of this.

The letter you wrote is amazing...I'd send it...even if it doesn't make a difference in your case, maybe it will wake up the ass(t) prosecutor to how he affected your life.

Nonetheless, it is over. As angry and traumatized as I am sure you are, now is the time to heal and take care of yourself. I am sending big hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

Diana, in a way I am glad you do not have to go thru anymore of this with the court system. The important thing is that at the moment he pulled a gun on you he crossed a line and you were able to finally leave that marriage and get out alive. Now the next step is to be finalize the divorce and move on and focus on your health and healing your body. I know he deserves more in the way of punishment, but I think there was no way you were going to get justice in our court system and the longer the drug this out, the more stress it would put you thru. Stay strong and reread what you wrote to yourself about who you are and who he is. I am so glad you are away from him. What a blessing.

Amy said...

So sorry to hear this. I hope you can come to terms with the case being closed in this unfair way. Hang in there!

Diandra said...

Yes, sometimes it ends like that. I have needed police three times in my life, and every single time they proved less than helpful. Not a good sign for Western justice...

Carrieheff said...

I am SO sorry that happened to you. You've got to know you did the right thing and you are away from that monster for good now. He will get his someday. He will be the one who has to face God at the end and explain his actions. I'm sorry!

Anna Down Under said...

I'm so sorry to hear this awful result. But I am proud of you for standing up to the bully and reporting it. Even though the legal system let you down, it still did you a world of good to sever ties with this man. You deserve so much better. You're strong, look at all you've endured, not only with him but all your sister has gone through as well. Some would buckle, but the fact you could write that letter makes me certain you'll be ok. Focus on you now and making your future bright and rosy. :)

kathyj333 said...

This is so true. I really do feel your pain. The fact is the cops and courts don't really care. My niece has been in at two relationships where—despite being a tiny little girl—is always portrayed as the villain. The guys get away with it. One guy hit so hard he fractured her skull. She bled from her ears. But no one did anything because she didn't leave—even though she was knocked out cold for about six hours.

This is a crime that's ALLOWED to happen across this country and around the world. I guess it's time we stood for ourselves.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Need to Get ME Back said...

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I can't believe what you've been going through. I never knew any of this when I used to read your blog all the time. I was just browsing my old faves and found this, so I had to say sorry for this whole thing. Try not to let it define you. You are so much better than that. Thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...


I'm sorry you didn't get your day in court.

Was it the prosecutor's decision alone not to try the case? Where I live, cases go to a special jury to decide if they will go to trial.

I wish you had gotten a more experienced prosecutor who felt more confident in his skills.

Ida said...

But it is over. You no longer have the trial hanging over your head. Yes, things weren't handled right, and he 'got away with it'. That is all in the past. Don't dwell on it. Take a deep breath and don't look back. It is possible that God orchestrated it to turn out this way to save you from something that would be MUCH worse for you. It is done. Leave it at that.
Oh, and thank you for the kind words you posted on my blog. I am humbled. God bless. :)

HOA Mgr Lady said...

You need to send this letter even if it anonymous. DO IT... you'll feel better. I am so sorry you had to take so long to react to him. You are free of him but millions of women are not. You owe this to yourself to mail it!

MaryFran said...

Glad you vented your frustration...we all need that at one time or another!!!

Now for the tough love part....move on and forget him. Maybe it's for the best. I know you want him to pay the price...but maybe, just maybe going through a trial would have been harmful to you emotionally to have to live it over and over and to be called a liar in a court (it was bad enough this way and it wasn't face to face!) For whatever reason this is how it happened. So close the book on that chapter and live your life to the fullest and in the happiest way possible! You've got this girl!

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog while I was searching for weight loss blogs. I only read your last post, this one, and decided to let you know how freaking awesome you are!! Not alot of women will stand up for themselves in abusive relationships. It doesn't matter how long it took you to stand up to that man, but you did it. And that is step one to your happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy. Sounds like you are making that happen. No matter what you decide to do in your life, make sure you make the decision for you, and only you. Don't listen to the negative things people have to say. They don't know you, they can only imagine what your life was like. You lived it, you know what it was like, and to hell with the negative people! You are awesome!

AnaVera said...

I'm sorry:( I'm glad that you are finally out of that situation. You deserve so much better and all the future blessings to come.

Grace said...

Hi Diana, have been thinking of you lately. I do hope you are okay.


Rebecca Lange said...

How heartbreaking that the case was thrown out...

Ron said...

I'm am so glad you were able to walk away from this abusive bastard. Keep your chin up and with the grace of God move forward, he will pay someday