Monday, November 11, 2013

Life goes on

My last post was sad. It's so sad that I can't even read it myself. I wanted to delete it, just like I've wanted to delete many of my recent posts. I've decided to leave it. These posts are chronicling my life, even if they are somewhat devastating for me to read. Someday I will look back and this and laugh at myself and all of my melodramatics (at least that's what I hope I feel...someday).

Right now I'm doing "okay". Okay can mean a lot of things, but I think it's better than "not bad". I'm relatively happy for someone who has no idea what the future holds. I don't know where I'll be living next year.

I also don't know how my finances will be affected by my divorce, although I'm sure it will be a negative impact. Washington state is a community property state. I never knew what that meant exactly. I was under the impression it meant a 50/50 property split. I didn't realize it meant my 401k and my pension plan were up for grabs at 50/50. My husband doesn't have a 401k or a pension plan since he's never had a permanent job for more than a couple years and also chose to not work for about half of our married life. I've worked consistently for the last 30 years at the same company. We've been married for 25 years. He's "entitled" to fifty percent of my retirement accounts accumulated by me for the last 25 years. It's a state law. It isn't fair but there's nothing I can do about it.

To add insult to injury my husband just filed for a 90-day continuance of our divorce trial. It was scheduled for November 19. His divorce attorney withdrew from the case. I had to sort of laugh about this. Even his divorce attorney divorced him. Unfortunately for me, this means another 90 days of paying his bills. Including health insurance, car insurance on his two cars and numerous credit cards in both of our names. Again, ordered by the court because he was unemployed until three months ago. It's all very frustrating.

Okay, enough about my miserable divorce. Other than that, I'm really doing okay. My CT scan was all clear. No sign of the uterine leiomyosarcoma cancer returning in my body. It's only been six months since the surgery to remove it. It usually takes seven to eighteen months for it to return and metastasize in another location, usually the liver or the lungs. So I certainly don't consider myself off the hook yet. Sometimes I wonder if my husband is hoping he can wait out the cancer and I'll die before we get divorced. He'd certainly be better off. Especially since the court wouldn't let me cancel my life insurance policy with him as the beneficiary, a rather large insurance policy. He has a very small one with his mother as the beneficiary. That tells you something right there about our marriage.

My "roommate" is awesome! I'll leave it at that. Someday I'll write more on this topic, but I can't now.

Diet and exercise...what can I say that hasn't been said a million times? I'm trying, but that's not good enough. It's better than I've been in past years, but I'm not exercising enough and not tracking my food. Usually when I get to this part of my post, I quit writing and shut my computer I have several unpublished posts that prove this point). Today I'm just going to leave it at that...I'm trying. I haven't given up. I'm not eating crazy amounts of food or unhealthy food (well not very much with the exception of Halloween), but I'm eating too much and not exercising enough. Like I said, I'm trying.

I'm still reading your posts but I'm finding that many people have simply dropped out of sight. People that I read for years seemed to have just vanished out of sight. It makes me a little sad. I miss them. But to those of you still out there, I love reading your posts. Even if I don't post a comment, I love keeping up on your lives.

Take care everyone and have a great holiday, that honors our veterans. That reminds me, I need to go put out the flag!