Saturday, August 9, 2014

Hello world!

Last week I wrote my first little program in Swift, the new iOS (Apple) software language. All first programs written in a new software language are called "Hello world!" where you write a program that simply says those two little words. It seemed appropriate for this post since I feel like I'm starting over from square one on the weight loss and exercise.

My weight is back up in the 220's. I'm not even sure what I weigh since I haven't been on the scale for a few weeks. My 59th birthday was last Thursday. I'm out of shape and feel every year of my 59 years.

I've noticed about 75% of the bloggers in my blog roll are gone. I wonder if they did the same as me and just gave up and decided not to write about it anymore. I completely understand that line of thinking because that's where I've been for months.

The thing I can't figure out is why this weight gain happened. I'm not depressed. I'm madly in love with the man of my dreams. He treats me like a princess and is actually probably a little more in love with me than I am with him (and he reminds me of this every day). I love him like crazy, but he loves me a little more. It's really a nice feeling to be appreciated and loved and to love someone back that deserves it.

Last year was a bit rocky, cancer and divorce. This year my sister passed away about three days after my last post. Which was three weeks after my niece, my sister's daughter, committed suicide.

Even though those were sad events and maybe a little stressful, it doesn't explain the weight gain or giving up on exercising. I was sure this time was it, and I'd never gain the weight back. I've thought that so many times in my life that it "almost" makes me think why even bother to try this again.

I can't just give up on myself. I have so much to live for, so many things I want to do before I die. Since I'm definitely in the last phase of my life, I don't have any time to squander on being fat. So I'm making another attempt to get healthy.

I'm not sure which "diet" or food plan I'm going to do this time around. I rejoined Weight Watchers two months ago, but I just couldn't get into the swing of it. Since my favorite leader quit I can't find a leader that I even sort of like. They all sort of annoy me. I'm still trying to figure that part out.

I am back at the gym and boy is that hard. Working out is painful when you're 220+ pounds. My body feels like it has lead weights attached to it. Every minute on the elliptical was pure torture. I only did 20 minutes today but it felt like an hour. I had done five minutes warmup on the the Stairmaster, which was even worse torture than the elliptical. Twenty minutes of weights and I was out of there. How on earth I ever did 90-minute workouts I'll never know.

So I'm back. Back to posting, back to reading the few blogs that are still out there. Back to diet and exercise. Hello world!


jinxxxygirl said...

I could have written part of this post...the want to give up part.......Part of what kept me on the straight and narrow for so long on my weightloss is i somehow I KNEW i could never find the willpower to lose the weight again.... and here is sit well over 200 pounds again...... i don't know where to begin..... i don't know how to start again.....and i should..... I've done this before....I should be able to do it again..... But my feeble little starts and stops just don't seem to be working..... and i think i know what the problem is..... I need to be committed 100%... and i just can't seem to find that within myself.... but like you theres so much i want to see and do in this world.
This is just a suggestion Diana...but perhaps you should start at the beginning... maybe thats not 20 min on the treadmill maybe thats 10 minutes on the treadmill.... If you start out making it so hard your not gonna want to keep it up... I think in the beginning its all about intention.. and setting aside the time to exercise...make the act of doing it a habit...10 minutes every day is better than doing 20 min once or twice then quitting....Set yourself up for success not failure.... Thats something i learned the last go around.. Last time i started to set my weightloss goal at 10 pounds a month...that sounded doable to me... Then i heard somewhere about setting myself up for success and not i cut that number in half...I said 5 pounds a month and you know what i lost 80 pounds and not once did i ever hit the 10 pounds lost in a month...Look how much failure i was setting myself up for.. I hit 8 pounds lost one month and even that would have not been success.. I wish you well... and i wish it for me too...... I'am so sorry this is so long.....Its good to hear from you. Hugs~ deb

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