Thursday, January 7, 2016

Confession is good for the soul

I forgot to post yesterday. This is a really hard habit to get back into. Just like the gym. Just like remembering I have to track every bite of food I eat. Just like walking shouldn't be a leisure activity, but I need to sweat. Just like I can't eat every time I feel a hunger pang.

This is not easy. Of course, if it was easy there wouldn't be any overweight people (how many times have we heard that one?). Losing weight is hard work, and keeping it off is even harder. 

I have a confession to make that I haven't told anyone, except my boyfriend. I feel guilty about this, but here it goes. I have a very good friend, who is also my ex-sister-in-law. She is one of my dearest friends, although we don't see each other as often as we used to. She was about 130 pounds overweight. In April last year she had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy (bariatric surgery). In the first six weeks she lost 40 pounds. She has since lost a total of 120 pounds, which I found out from her husband. I'm very happy for her, because I know how important this was to her. I'm also insanely jealous and envious of her success.

I hate myself for feeling like this, and for trying to avoid her. She's texted a few times to meet for coffee (she doesn't really eat anymore), and I made excuses to not see her. She texted me two night's ago asking for my vet's name because she had a very sick kitty, and my vet is open until 10pm. I ended up calling her and we talked for an hour about everything. I admitted to her I was jealous, and she was so sweet to me. She understood. We're meeting for coffee next week and I know nothing will be different between us. She's still my good friend, just a skinnier version. 

I would love to have this surgery. I know my friend was miserable for the first month and could barely swallow the smallest bites of food without them getting stuck in her esophagus. She said she feels great now. She still barely eats because she can't eat much without getting sick. She has to drink the bariatric shakes to get enough nutrition and take supplements - for the rest of her life. She's still losing weight, but not as quickly now. She wants to lose a little more weight, but she wouldn't say how much. 

I know weight loss surgery is not an easy fix. There's still a lot of mental issues that need to be dealt with. If my friend is going to therapy, she hasn't mentioned it. She's one of the sweetest, most loving people I know. I also know no one gains 130+ pounds unless there's something else going on. I know her marriage is difficult. She's married to my ex-husband's brother. Although he's a nicer version, he still has some serious issues.   

If I hadn't had Uterine Leiomyosarcoma (cancer) a couple years ago, I'd seriously consider this surgery. At least, I think I'd consider it. My boyfriend thinks it would be a huge mistake to mess with my body chemistry after I had the surgery to remove the cancer. Plus the fact that the cancer has a 50% chance of coming back. Having voluntary invasive surgery just seems like I'd be asking for trouble. Plus the long-term effects of the surgery aren't something I want to deal with (possible malnutrition).

I'm not having the surgery, but I can't help the feelings I'm having about my friend's rapid weight loss. I wish I could let go of the these feelings, but I  guess I'll just have to deal with them as I continue to do my best to lose weight the old fashioned way (called Weight and exercise). 


Anna Down Under said...

I can SO relate!! I have a friend who had the surgery as well, not long after I started losing weight. In the beginning I was losing more quickly than she was, but as she began to recover from her surgery her weight started coming off quicker and she surpassed me. She's at goal, and I stalled not far from my goal, then started to creep back up. I'm so jealous of her! I know I shouldn't be, she can't eat much either and there have been times I've seen her have to lie down after a meal because she's feeling sick (even in public places) ... she's said I did it the right way, but that doesn't make me feel any better. She's at goal and I may never get there. Having said that, I know I would never get the surgery. I can't imagine cutting out part of my body to lose weight when I feel like I should be able to do it on my own. Ah well ...

MaryFran said...

My aunt and uncle both had the surgery right as I was losing the weight (the first time around) the natural way. I was jealous because they were losing like fiends without too much effort and I was working my tail end off! It REALLY bothered me. However, after a while I realized that they were more ashamed because eventually I made my goal weight the NATURAL way. They never have talked to me about their surgery....they have talked to my mother and I know my aunt had made the comment to her "I wish I would have just stopped eating and started eating like this without the surgery".

That aunt has gained most of the weight back....hmmmmmmm Guess she didn't really learn how to eat healthy and properly and how to have a HEALTHY lifestyle!

Carrieheff said...

I am SO happy to find your blog still going! I checked a few times and it said you had changed it to private and I couldn't read it. As far as the surgery goes, we both know that while it's not a quick fix, you can do it on your own! We have both done it before and can do it again. I'm just SO happy you're back!! Lol, I guess I don't have too many blogs I read on a regular basis and I love reading yours!!
You keep doing what you're doing and the weight will come off!!

Jaynie said...

I know people too who have had the surgery ... you can still put the weight back on!! its not a 'thats it im thin and will stay like it im fixed, you still have to learn to eat healthy. Its natural to feel jealous of someone who has some thing your longing for but is it all its said to be ? .. i think not! Maybe if 400 -500lbs or illness because of obesity etc but otherwise i think its just as hard work eating wise plus the added problems of the surgery and theres no going back ... Get the mind set and do it as it should be done, without traumatising your body ... yep i want the thin thing desperately too, and im getting nowhere how good it would be just to have the quick fit but its not a no effort fix as it appears, really theres nothing to be jealous of, i would so rather plod on ... we know we can do it we've done it before, the one thing we need to do is when we have got there, is learn how to stay there! good luck lovey !!! never give up !!!

lose weight fast said...

Felling seek is natural after surgery so
weight loss is really better.

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...