2019...new year, new me?

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back to my first blog (Diana's Original Blog) and read my January 1, 2009 post, ten years ago. It's cringeworthy, and so freaking boring. My goals were eat right, exercise, seek counseling for my compulsive overeating, and of course, lose weight. There's something in there about working on my marriage, but we all know how that went! That actually made me laugh out loud (I was so funny!). 

But this post caught my eye.Please excuse my potty mouth. I really try to keep it clean, most of the time. I was extremely frustrated when I wrote this.

Posted January 8, 2009:

Why I'm not going to screw it up this time

This has been the forefront thought in my brain lately, don't fucking screw this up again! I'm talking about my weight. I'm talking about every time in the last ten years as I reach 160 pounds, 25 pounds from my goal of 135, I screw it up. Every single time.
Taken from this post: http://diana1359.blogspot.com/2009/01/why-im-not-going-to-screw-it-up-this.html

I could write that same post again. I was 165 the beginning of December 2018, and today I'm 175. Ten pounds in a month. No excuses, just the same old pattern that I have chosen several times in my life.

The good thing is that I didn't return to my January 2017 weight of 218 pounds, or even worse, my 2008 weight of 238. However, January 2018 I was 167. I bounced between 160 and 170 during 2018 (I was 158 for a brief moment). This month I made several bad choices and managed to get up to 175 as of yesterday, and I lost a $100 DietBet, after winning three in a row. That was very humiliating.

It's a new year in a couple days, and new beginnings. I love the start of a new year. It's so fresh, and I'm always filled with high hopes for what the new year will bring. 2019 is no different. There won't be a new me, I'm still the same. But the old me is always hopeful for the future, and that's the part of myself I love. That in spite of past failures, I know success is still within my reach. So bring it on 2019, this will be my year! 

P.S. Part of my new year plan is to update this blog in 2019. I know blogs are a thing of the past, but they're so fun, and an interesting documentation of a person's life  (albeit somewhat embarrassing at times). I checked on several of my old, favorite bloggers, and most of their blogs have been abandoned. I know there are a lot of people on youtube talking about weight loss/exercise, but I can't find any of the old blog people I used to follow. I miss them. If you read this and still blog, please leave a note in the comments. Or if you have a youtube channel, please let me know. I'm considering a youtube channel when I retire in 2020. There aren't enough old people on there, everyone is 20-something! 

Marathon update

On September 15, 2018 I completed a full marathon, 26.2 miles! I did it, and I'm 63 years old. It was the Fairbanks Equinox Marathon in Fairbanks, Alaska. It's rated as one of the most difficult marathons in the United States, #2 on several lists. A net elevation gain of 3,300 feet. It was hard and amazing at the same time. I love the people in Alaska (where I spent the first 30 years of my life).

My boyfriend and I completed it in 7 hours and 44 minutes (don't laugh...he's 60 and I'm 63). We ran a little, jogged a lot, walked a lot more and there might have been some dragging of feet at one point. They allowed ten hours to complete it, and there were about a 100 people behind us (566 registered participants). I attempted this same marathon when I was 16 years old without any training. I made it the first ten miles (all uphill) and quit. I'm so proud that I completed it at 63 what I couldn't do at 16. It really is all in your head what you can and can't do. Wisdom comes with age.

Charles and me at the finish line, holding our Equinox Marathon patches. We were both super happy we came in under 8 hours. Our goal was to come in under 10 hours. 

Charles going down the Chute - the picture doesn't do it justice. Super steep downhill and rocky. He got two black toenails. This was in July when we did our trial run.

Testing out the five mile loop we missed in July. This was the day before the marathon.

 More of the 5-mile loop, two days before the marathon. It's so beautiful in Alaska. I miss it so much! 

More scenery on the 5-mile loop, which starts at mile 17. We drove to mile 17 two day before the marathon do do a few miles on the loop we missed during the trial run in July.

Me two days before the marathon. I really didn't do 13 miles that day, but we stopped by the sign. I did do 20 miles in our July trial run. See picture below. LOL!

 From our trial run in July, we really did do 20 miles that day. Then we quit and called a cab. I thought I was going to die, and we almost canceled doing the actual marathon in September. I was wiped out in this picture, as you can tell. Also, we ran out of water at mile 17 during our trial run. Which was really miserable

Another beautiful scenery picture on the trail in September. Oh how I love you Alaska!

Part of the road we had to hike up. It's a three-mile hill. This was a couple days before the marathon when we drove up. It doesn't look that steep, but trying to go up it after about 13 miles of through the woods, on rocky trails with tree roots that was all uphill, this was a killer!

I plan on posting a more in the near future. At least once a week, and the weekends. I have a lot to say, but not a lot of time. I forgot how fun it is to write, even if no one is reading it.

Note: a fun read about "walking" a marathon -- https://carlabirnberg.com/2017/05/10/5-reasons-to-commit-to-and-walk-a-marathon 5 reasons to commit to and walk a marathon by Carla Birndberg (formerly Miz Fit).

It's a never ending journey (162.4)

After decades of battling my weight, I've finally come to peace with the fact that this journey to maintain good health never ends. I always thought if I'd lose the weight, get to goal, then I'd be on easy street. That's never worked before, and I've finally accepted that it doesn't work that way. 

People always say that losing weight is just half the battle. Maintaining the weight loss is the other half of the battle. For me, maintenance is the hardest part and the biggest part. I struggle every day, and in spite of what people may tell you, it never gets easy. At least, it's not easy not for me. It's an uphill battle every single day of my life.

Looking back at my old Weight Watcher weight records, here's my past ten years:

2/12/2008 - 238.0 pounds 
Started Weight Watchers again, and making an honest attempt to lose weight. I remember I felt miserable. I had plantar fasciitis, I had chest pains when I walked, even walking slowly. I was completely miserable.

3/1/2009 - 154.4 pounds
Not at goal because I had set a goal of 135. I don't think I was at this weight more than a few days before  I started the slide back to gaining weight.

2/23/2015 - 233.4 pounds
A restart of Weight Watchers for the at least the 10th time since 2008, I just don't have all the weight records from those years. Although I know each time resulted in a weight loss and a subsequent weight gain..

2/13/2015 - 205.8 pounds
And then I stopped Weight Watchers again, for almost two years.

1/8/2917 - 218.4 pounds
Another restart

4/15/2018 - 162.4 pounds

Net loss since 2008, ten years, is -75.6 pounds. 

The difference this time is that I've been between 161 and 167 pounds since November 5, 2017. I've been in an "accidental" maintenance mode for almost six months. That's not necessarily a thing to brag about, but it's also not a bad thing. In fact, it's better than anything I've done in the past ten years when it comes to weight loss. 

The past is the past. I can't undo the mental and physical damage I've done to myself after years of big weight losses and weight gains. I think I've learned something over the years. Mainly that I can't do something to lose weight that I'm not willing to do the rest of my life if I want to maintain my weight loss.

I can't eat a 100% clean diet 100% of the time. Ideally, I'd cut out all processed foods. Realistically, I can cut out a lot of processed foods, but not ALL processed foods. I like some processed foods, and they make me happy. If I'm going to be real about this, I will eat them. Maybe some Halo Top or Enlightened high protein ice cream. Or some seaweed chips, and a slice of healthy bread. Or maybe a slice or two of real sharp cheddar cheese or homemade pizza with turkey pepperoni. 

I could provide a long list of things I eat that some people would tell me that they're unhealthy foods. Perhaps they'd be correct. I don't eat these things every day, but I do eat them occasionally. Like I said, they make me happy. Being happy about my food is a key component for me to maintain my weight loss.

As far as exercise, whatever I'm doing now I will have to maintain the rest of my life. If I don't, I will have to eat fewer calories. I'm not really willing to do that at this point. Right now my average calorie intake is between 1800 and 2000. According to my Apple watch, I'm burning about 300-400 calories a day between exercising and walking. I'm not 100% convinced my Apple Watch is accurate. I think it exaggerates my calorie burn. Regardless, I eat a lot of food every day, which is probably why I'm in a maintenance mode.

I still want to lose another 8 pounds. My goal this time around is 154, which will give me a healthy BMI of 24.9 (I'm 5' 6"). I'll get there, but I'm not in any big rush (although I'd love to stop paying Weight Watchers $44.95 a month). 

That's my update. Nothing earth shattering. Just my experience with weight loss and what seems to be working for me. However, I still know I could regain the 75 pounds in a heartbeat. I've here before and know the dangers of losing a large amount of weight and regaining it. 

I truly doubt anyone reads this, because blogs seem to be a thing of the past. However, I want to keep some kind of record of how I'm doing. I read some of my old posts from 2008/2009. They are truly cringe worthy. It made me a little sad, because I was so happy at one point and then so sad because I gained all my weight back. My emotions are tightly coupled with my weight at that time. Here's a post from one of my happy times (and I'm currently five pounds above the weight in the video). By the way, this is from my very old blog started over 10 years ago in 2008. 

Wall climbing February 2009 at 157 pounds 

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