Home Sweet Home

I finally got home yesterday after getting stuck in Dallas on Friday. The flights were full so I celebrated my birthday at an airport Holiday Inn Express. Sucks to be me sometimes.

I was too tired to be sad about it, although it was the first birthday in my entire life that I spent alone. My coworker asked what was he, chopped liver? We had dinner at the Sheraton next door and toasted my birthday with diet coke. It was certainly not my most memorable birthday. It ranks right up there for worst birthday ever with when my entire family and my friends forgot my 16th birthday. That's a long story that I actually hadn't even thought about in years, until Friday.

It was an incredibly long week, but our software passed certification. Just barely, with a few tweaks that have to be made this week before it can be deployed, but it passed. I guess I still have a job.

Yesterday was a belated birthday celebration, starting with my husband meeting me at the airport with roses. That was sweet but sort of embarrassing. He's never done anything like that before so I don't know what came over him.

It was a day with too much food, starting with breakfast at 13 Coins. My husband made my favorite dinner, Seafood Alfredo with king crab, scallops and prawns. Carrot cake with butter pecan ice cream for dessert. All delicious, all bad for me. I feel like the Goodyear Blimp today, and I doubt it's just the sodium.

I've been trying all day to drag myself to the gym. I'm so tired I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep, which is exactly what I've done. It's 1:30pm, and I'm finally up, thinking about actually getting dressed and going to the gym.

I know this week is going to be tough. Back to eating healthy, eating less and my regular exercise routine. Back to my life. Regardless of how hard it's going to be, I'm thrilled to be home.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Today is my birthday. I'm officially 54 years old. For months I've been saying I'm almost 54 so it doesn't feel like a big shock.

I don't feel like I'm 54. I feel like I did in my twenties, maybe even better now because I didn't exercise much in my early twenties. Back then I was always doing crash diets, trying to lose 10-20 pounds. My goal weight was 125 (I'm 5' 6" and the closest I got to that goal was 127 in my 40's, not realistic). I was kind of an idiot about health. I really wanted to be skinny, not healthy.

I definitely feel smarter about a lot of things in life, and I'm not as shy as when I was younger. I believe in a healthy lifestyle instead of focusing on being skinny. Overall I'm a much happier person now that I was in my twenties. Of course, I didn't appreciate my youth, but then, who does?

I'm still in Tulsa, hopefully heading home tonight. It's been an intensely stressful week. I went to the gym last night, but didn't go inside. Instead I sat in the parking and had a good cry.

I've been practically joined at the hip with my coworker. Breakfast, lunch, dinner together. All day in the lab working through problems. We get along really well, being the same age and the having the same interests (he's a bit of a health nut but loves to eat just like me). We had our first argument last night about a work problem. Not a screaming match or anything like that (I save those for my husband). It was just a disagreement that I could see made him angry. It was totally work related, but it made me feel bad. He's a coworker first, friend second. I'm the project manager, he's the developer. There are bound to be clashes.

After my good cry in the gym parking lot (I need to grow thicker skin) I decided not to work out. The first time this week. I stopped at Walmart on my way home and bought cookies and milk. I ate half a dozen cookies in front of the TV. I woke up this morning feeling much better, but too late for the gym.

I can't wait to go home. I'm tired, I miss my cat and my husband (not necessarily in that order), and I miss my routine. Happy birthday to me.

Oh - my birthday present to myself is going to be roller blades. I've been wanting them forever. Hope I don't fall and break a hip.

Yikes! 168 pounds!

I weighed myself at the gym this morning. I was 168! I almost died. I haven't seen that number in several months. I was wearing my gym shoes, had drank three cups of coffee and some water, but still, that's absolutely horrible.

If you read my post earlier this morning you know what happened. It's too much of a good thing. Eating out.

That weight on the scale shocked me into reality. I can't eat out every day or if I do, I have to really gain control. Eat half or less, don't take leftovers back to the room (I have a fridge and microwave), and work out harder.

After my little weigh-in freakout I decided I had to go to a spinning class for maximum burn. It was a killer class. In 45 minutes I burned 487 calories. I did weights for 40 minutes for another 200 calories. Total burned this morning was 687 calories.

I also haven't been drinking water this week because where I'm working has the women's bathroom on the other side of the security door which means I need an escort to get back in. The men's bathroom is inside security. Totally sexist and annoys the heck out of me. Today I'm going to drink a ton of water and they'll just have to escort me every hour or so.

Well, the fight is on. I feel pretty confident now that I know the damage I've done. I can get back on that horse. This time I'll be holding on for dear life.

Too much of a good thing

I've eaten out five times in the last two days. The food in Tulsa is amazing. According to the guys we're working with, Tulsa is known for it's fine dining. Tulsa? Really? Yes, really.

We went to the best Chinese buffet I've ever seen in my life. Baked salmon, huge prawns, in addition to every yummy Chinese dish you can imagine. It was truly incredible. Then there was the Mexican restaurant with Cerviche to die for in a huge martini glass, then the actual dinner of Mahi Mahi with some corn muffin thing from heaven. A sandwich shop with made to order sandwiches that had an out-of-this-world chicken and pesto sandwich (with non-fat mayo of course). Joe's Crab Shack with melt in your mouth crab cakes. The portions at every restaurant were HUGE.

Last night I just couldn't do it anymore. I've been eating as healthy as I can, baked or grilled, no sauces if possible, fish and veggies whenever I can, but I'm eating too much. Although we hit the gym Monday and Tuesday, and I'm ready to go again today, I know I'm eating more calories than I'm burning. My coworker and I both agreed to skip dinner last night. We were both tired and still full from our late lunch. One of the guy we're working with tried to get us to go to some incredibly steakhouse last night but we both said thanks, but no.

I hope to get through the rest of the week with less eating and more gym time. It's too hot out for any outdoor activity. At 1opm yesterday it was 103 degrees and extremely muggy. Basically unbearable for man or beast.

It's 4:30am, time to get ready for the gym then another stressed filled day trying to get our software certified. The fun is wearing off, and I want to go home.

Credit Card Fraud Warning: I received a phone call from my husband last night that Bank of America said there was fraud on my credit card. A $1,000 charge at Amigos in Costa Rica.

This card has only been used for Weight Watchers' monthly pass, automatic withdrawal for the last 17 months. We don't use if for anything else. The Costa Rica charge was made online. Bank of America can't explain how it happened, unless someone hacked into the Weight Watcher database and obtained my card information.

Just a warning to double check the charges on the card you're using for Weight Watchers online charges. I'm not saying that's what happened, only that it's a possibility. B of A rejected the charge since I never use that card except for WW and have now canceled my card.

I'm lovin' me some Tulsa

Life is really what you make it. When I was here for work eight years ago I hated Tulsa. I said I never wanted to come back to this little piece of hell.

Things have changed. Actually, what's really changed is me. When I was here in 2001 I was over 100 pounds overweight. The heat made me miserable. Worse than the heat was that I hated being in a lab all day with young, really smart guys. They made me feel old and ugly and stupid. Every night I'd go back to my hotel room and dread the next day. I'd drive to fast food places and buying two or three hamburgers and then drive to a grocery store and stock up on cookies and candy.

This visit couldn't be more different than my 2001 visit. I'm actually having fun. I'm enjoying working with the young guys, talking to them and getting to know them as we work towards getting our software certified.

I'm much more outgoing this time. Last time I didn't even try to talk to any of them. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and be invisible. I was ashamed of how I looked, I thought they probably thought I was fat, stupid and lazy. Whether they did or didn't it doesn't really matter. It was what I thought of myself.

Last time the coworker that I came here with didn't do a thing with me. I was certain he had a fat phobia, didn't want to be seen with a fat girl, someone might mistake me for his wife. Heaven forbid that would happen. Ironic twist on that is that his wife has gained over 80 pounds and he recently confided in me on how he could help her lose the weight.

This time I'm seeing the sights every night, hitting the gym every morning (LOVE the gym that's just down the road - beautiful!). I'm also going out to lunch and dinner with my coworker (he's also a good friend), and someitmes with the vendor. We're having a great time. Yup, loving Tulsa this time.

Note: I have lots of pictures from my Fairbanks trip and already a bunch from Tulsa, but my work laptop won't take a Sony Memory Stick and I forgot the cord to connecto the camera to the laptop. Sorry, pictures when I get back home.

Tulsa baby!

Okay, so Tulsa isn't quite the same as Las Vegas. It's Sunday at 10:30 a.m.and we're finally here.

Yesterday was a whirlwind with a four-hour hotel stay in Dallas during our seven hour layover. I've had a total of five hours of sleep the last two nights. I'm definitely running on adrenaline right now (and coffee, lots of coffee). I'm suppose to be napping, but I can't sleep (maybe it was the coffee?).

Like an idiot I checked my carry on bag and my suitcase, so I basically have nothing but my laptop and my purse. Luckily the Woodland-Hills mall is right across the street. If my bags don't come I'm going shopping. We checked in a full hour before our flight and then it was delayed a half hour. I'm not sure what happened to my bags but hopefully they'll be in on the next flight at 2:30pm.

Staying good on the food. Not hard to do when I didn't bring any food and I'm traveling with a guy that really watches his weight and works out a lot. He also doesn't eat much. He's the one that's always telling me it's mind of matter when it comes to food. I wish it was that easy for me.

No dinner last night, but we had the Continental breakfast in the hotel when we got here. Scrambled eggs, banana, English muffin with strawberry jam, a non-fat, sugar-free yogurt and a cup of milk. A whopping 10 Points, but since no dinner last night I was starving!

Okay, off for a little nap, then the mall opens noon and I'm buying some shorts, tank top and sandals. Then we're off to float down the Illinois River, thanks to Amy's great advice. Check out Amy's website because she's done an amazing job losing weight.

Off to bed now. Suddenly I'm so exhausted I can barely sit here.

Life goes on

Thank you for all your very kind comments yesterday. I really appreciated it during my little breakdown. I agree with everything you said. I've come a long way in the past 18 months, and I'm much happier now than I was when I started this journey.

I still struggle with food at times, and sometimes it seems unbearable. Yesterday was one of those times.

Today I feel better, stronger, like I can handle this. It's okay, life will go on. I won't gain back everything (one of my greatest fears), and I will get to goal. Eventually.

Speaking of life...

It's 3 a.m. Saturday, and I can't sleep. I have a million things to do before I leave for Tulsa this afternoon, and I can't shut my brain off. I slept about three hours last night.

Yesterday was frantic to say the least. There was one emergency after another with our Tulsa vendor. The trip was on, the trip was off, the trip was on again, off again, and finally it was decided we're going regardless if things are perfect or not. This next week will be a challenge.

Today I have things to do for work, things for the trip, personal things like a manicure/pedicure. I haven't even unpacked my suitcase from my Fairbanks' vacation. Laundry, shopping for a few things, changing around some of the reservations. Of course my number one priority is the gym. My flight leaves at 6 p.m.

It's going to be a crazy day/night, with a 7-hour layover in Dallas tonight. We have hotel reservations in Dallas but we'll barely be able to get to the hotel before we have to leave again for the airport. Fun times traveling space available as an airline employee on business. Who knew the whole world wanted to go to Tulsa this weekend.

I plan on blogging while in Tulsa. I'll have a laptop and internet access. My coworker, who is also a good friend, wants to see the sights of Tulsa. Looking online it doesn't exactly look like the most exciting city. I'm sure there's something to do, maybe a museum or the movies and of course, eating out. I'm actually taking my scale with me. I know, crazy, but I weigh every day and get a little weirded out if I can't. It'll keep me honest when I eat out.

We also have access to a brand new gym across the street from the hotel. My coworker is a big gym rat and he's already agreed to hitting the gym every day with me.

Yes, life does goes on, even when I have little mental breakdowns over my weight. I guess since I can't seem to stop this merry-go-round, I'll just enjoy the ride.