After all my "let's be positive because it's a choice" I had a really lousy day today. I woke up late, missed my morning workout, and was late to work. Then I was assign two awful projects to manage.
I worked out after work and it was difficult. The extra 22 pounds feels like an extra 50 pounds, especially on the tricep pushups and chin-up assist machine.
On my way home I called my husband and asked him to get rid of the cashews he bought at Costco and the four different kinds of cheeses he got for New Year's Eve. They've been calling my name every night, and I can't take it anymore. He said he'd get rid of them.
When I got home after my workout you'll never guess what was in the kitchen. Pizza! Seriously Jack, are you freaking kidding me? Pizza?! I swear he wants me to be fat.
Although I'm trying to be positive and optimistic, I'm just not feeling it tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never do these questionnaire things but a friend sent this to me so I thought what the heck, I'll do it so I can email it back to her. Then I had the bright idea to post it here so you all can get to know me a little better. Because I'm sure you're all just dying to know what color of socks I'm wearing tonight. ;)
1. What is your occupation right now? Applications Analyst / It Project Manager
2. What color are your socks right now? Blue
3. What are you listening to right now? Cobra Starship on People's Choice Awards - Hot Mess. They sound off key and kind of horrible.
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Pizza. Blame my husband.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? No
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Jack (my husband)
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes :)
8. How old are you today? 54
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Ice skating or sometimes football if it's one of my teams (Seahawks or Broncos).
10. What is your favorite drink? water
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes
12. Favorite food? Cheesecake
13. What is the last movie you watched? It's Complicated (loved it!)
14. Favorite day of the year? My birthday (because I get what I want that day and I always take off work)
15. How do you vent anger? Scream...seriously, I do. Probably need anger management classes or something. Unless I'm at work. Then I just walk away...then I scream. :)
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My first bike, the brand was Firestone and it was a sparkly kelly green
17. What is your favorite season? Spring
18. Cherries or Blueberries? I love both but probably Washington Rainier cherries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Twila
21. Who is least likely to respond? Linda
22. Living arrangements? Married
23. When was the last time you cried? Really cried - my brother-in-law's funeral in November. Just a few tears, stupid BL show last night.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Oh man, too much junk...Shoes/two suitcases/cat kennel/a lamp/an empty tripod box - yes I need to clean my closet. :)
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Twila
26. What did you do last night? Watched Biggest Loser
27. What are you most afraid of? Becoming a homeless bag lady or a contestant on BL
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger? cheese
29. Favorite dog breed? mutt from the Humane Society
30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
31. How many countries have you lived in? 1
32. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls
33. What is your favorite flower? Iris
35. What is your favorite color? aqua
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Your Choice
I'd written a really negative post earlier today. It was titled "What happened to my happy?" I expressed my frustration with myself about my weight gain of 22 pounds.
After reading through it tonight I decided I didn't like my attitude and tone of the post. My words made me feel worse than I already do about my weight gain. I imagined someone else reading it, how they might feel. I deleted the post before it was ever published. I really want to focus on the positive, even though it's really hard at times (especially when my pants don't fit!).
Tonight is my TV night, and I'm watching The Biggest Loser. I've never actually watched an entire episode of BL. I've caught a few episodes in the past years, but it's too emotional for me. All the crying and the sad stories break my heart. No one ever says, 'gosh, I'm just thrilled I gained all this weight, my life is so much better now'.
Being overweight really does suck. It's horrible. It destroys people, mentally and physically. The good thing though, there's a cure. It's called diet and exercise. Most of us have the ability to cure our fatness. It's very hard work, probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Continuing on a positive note, I've been wanting to post something here. It was written by someone from my work who has retired. It's applies not only to work, but also to weight loss and life in general. I especially love the last paragraph. It's so very true.
I'm not a fan of Wayne Dyer but his quotes below are pretty good. I didn't get permission to reprint this email. However, I think the author would get a kick out of it being on a weight loss blog.
Your Choice
I've noticed the Water Cooler is getting a bit philosophical these days. I think it's fine if people want to use this forum as a place to vent. The primary reason for the Water Cooler is to provide a place to anonymously ask a question. When there is a question, I will do my best to answer it.
I think all of us are vulnerable to getting 'down', perhaps some more than others. I admire the eternal optimists and I really try to be one. I vividly remember the presidential election of 1980. The year before, Jimmy Carter, who some have said was one of the smartest men to ever hold the office, gave a nationally-televised address in which he identified what he believed to be a "crisis of confidence" among the American people. This became known as his "malaise speech" and it characterized his leadership for me. His despair was contagious and it was reinforced by recent memory of the Vietnam war and by current gas lines. The year 1979 got even gloomier when Iran captured and held 52 American citizens hostage and a military action to free them ended in disaster. There was a lot of negativity in the air and of course the press seemed to be amplifying it to the maximum extent.
In 1980, President-elect Reagan, on the night of his landslide victory, met the press with a smile and his jaunty manor and when asked what he thought of the state of the nation and our future, he reply was something like "I'm confident and excited about our future". To me it was tremendously refreshing to hear leadership in a positive direction. In his inaugural address he said "facing our challenges ... does require, however, our best effort, and our willingness to believe in ourselves and to believe in our capacity to perform great deeds..." Now some have said Reagan wasn't capable of knowing how bad things really were, but I disagree. My sense was, instead of choosing despair he chose to be optimistic and to give the nation reason to feel confident. And it was contagious. There are a range of opinions about the Reagan years but even most of his harshest critics would agree that his optimism never faltered and his ability to communicate that optimism was legendary.
I don't want to sound preachy here because I sometimes need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and do an attitude check. Many years ago I heard a tape of a presentation by Wayne Dyer, the popular psychologist. One thing that stuck with me was his comment; "Our lives are a sum total of the choices we make".
Your team, this division, this company, this nation, and this world will never be perfect. You can choose to spend your time pointing that out, or you can choose to spend your time to make things better and to inspire those around you. Both choices are contagious.
Three more Dyer quotes:
Everything is perfect in the universe - even your desire to improve it.
There's nothing wrong with anger provided you use it constructively.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
After reading through it tonight I decided I didn't like my attitude and tone of the post. My words made me feel worse than I already do about my weight gain. I imagined someone else reading it, how they might feel. I deleted the post before it was ever published. I really want to focus on the positive, even though it's really hard at times (especially when my pants don't fit!).
Tonight is my TV night, and I'm watching The Biggest Loser. I've never actually watched an entire episode of BL. I've caught a few episodes in the past years, but it's too emotional for me. All the crying and the sad stories break my heart. No one ever says, 'gosh, I'm just thrilled I gained all this weight, my life is so much better now'.
Being overweight really does suck. It's horrible. It destroys people, mentally and physically. The good thing though, there's a cure. It's called diet and exercise. Most of us have the ability to cure our fatness. It's very hard work, probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Continuing on a positive note, I've been wanting to post something here. It was written by someone from my work who has retired. It's applies not only to work, but also to weight loss and life in general. I especially love the last paragraph. It's so very true.
I'm not a fan of Wayne Dyer but his quotes below are pretty good. I didn't get permission to reprint this email. However, I think the author would get a kick out of it being on a weight loss blog.
Your Choice
I've noticed the Water Cooler is getting a bit philosophical these days. I think it's fine if people want to use this forum as a place to vent. The primary reason for the Water Cooler is to provide a place to anonymously ask a question. When there is a question, I will do my best to answer it.
I think all of us are vulnerable to getting 'down', perhaps some more than others. I admire the eternal optimists and I really try to be one. I vividly remember the presidential election of 1980. The year before, Jimmy Carter, who some have said was one of the smartest men to ever hold the office, gave a nationally-televised address in which he identified what he believed to be a "crisis of confidence" among the American people. This became known as his "malaise speech" and it characterized his leadership for me. His despair was contagious and it was reinforced by recent memory of the Vietnam war and by current gas lines. The year 1979 got even gloomier when Iran captured and held 52 American citizens hostage and a military action to free them ended in disaster. There was a lot of negativity in the air and of course the press seemed to be amplifying it to the maximum extent.
In 1980, President-elect Reagan, on the night of his landslide victory, met the press with a smile and his jaunty manor and when asked what he thought of the state of the nation and our future, he reply was something like "I'm confident and excited about our future". To me it was tremendously refreshing to hear leadership in a positive direction. In his inaugural address he said "facing our challenges ... does require, however, our best effort, and our willingness to believe in ourselves and to believe in our capacity to perform great deeds..." Now some have said Reagan wasn't capable of knowing how bad things really were, but I disagree. My sense was, instead of choosing despair he chose to be optimistic and to give the nation reason to feel confident. And it was contagious. There are a range of opinions about the Reagan years but even most of his harshest critics would agree that his optimism never faltered and his ability to communicate that optimism was legendary.
I don't want to sound preachy here because I sometimes need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and do an attitude check. Many years ago I heard a tape of a presentation by Wayne Dyer, the popular psychologist. One thing that stuck with me was his comment; "Our lives are a sum total of the choices we make".
Your team, this division, this company, this nation, and this world will never be perfect. You can choose to spend your time pointing that out, or you can choose to spend your time to make things better and to inspire those around you. Both choices are contagious.
Three more Dyer quotes:
Everything is perfect in the universe - even your desire to improve it.
There's nothing wrong with anger provided you use it constructively.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Monday, January 4, 2010
What you think, is true.
In the recent Weight Watcher magazine there's a success story about a woman that has lost 159 pounds. Her yoga instructor's mantra is "What you think, is true."
I love this saying, and I completely agree with it. If we think we're a big, fat slob, a failure at weight loss and that we'll always be fat and even if we lose the weight, we'll probably gain it back, then it's true.
I'm a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. By believing in myself I can make things happen, things like losing weight and maintaining the loss.
No talk about "it's too hard" or "I'm tired of this." or heaven forbid "I want to quit!". That will get me nowhere except back to weighing in at 240 pounds.
I've gained 22 pounds since February 2009 to now (ten months). I was 154.6 for a brief moment on February 17, 2009. Am I sad about screwing up and basically wasting the last year? Hell yes! Am I going to do something about it? Double hell yes!
Weight Watchers
There's a 10-week Momentum challenge starting this week at Weight Watchers. I missed my meeting Saturday (I had numerous excuses, all of them bad). I'm going to a lunch meeting this Wednesday. I'll have my official post-holiday weighin and start the challenge.
Looking at my last official weighin I was 176.4 on November 19. I think I'm still pretty close to that. That's not really a great thing, but at least I didn't gain anything over the holidays.
If you have access to the Weight Watcher website, here's a link to the New Year, New Resolve Challenge Week 1. It looks interesting and even a little fun.
Book: The end to overeating
I'm still reading it, and I'm in the Rehab section. I'm working on a couple of the behavioral changes. Stay tuned for more on this book. I still think the premise is good and it makes sense. It's the "doing it" part that's difficult (isn't that always the case?).
Exercise of the day
I hate lunges. Like really, really hate them. They hurt like heck, and I feel like I'm going to fall over when I do them. I'm so worried about making a fool of myself that I mainly focus on my balance, not really working my butt and thigh muscles.
Now I use the Smith machine with two 25-pound plates, so I'm lunging with 50 pounds. It's difficult but with the machine I can focus on my form and not worry about falling over.
Check out this instructional video for the Smith Machine Lunge. If it comes up with a start button, just click it. Don't worry about the gender/height thing.
Picture of the day
My assistant while taking down the tree on Sunday.
I love this saying, and I completely agree with it. If we think we're a big, fat slob, a failure at weight loss and that we'll always be fat and even if we lose the weight, we'll probably gain it back, then it's true.
I'm a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. By believing in myself I can make things happen, things like losing weight and maintaining the loss.
No talk about "it's too hard" or "I'm tired of this." or heaven forbid "I want to quit!". That will get me nowhere except back to weighing in at 240 pounds.
I've gained 22 pounds since February 2009 to now (ten months). I was 154.6 for a brief moment on February 17, 2009. Am I sad about screwing up and basically wasting the last year? Hell yes! Am I going to do something about it? Double hell yes!
Weight Watchers
There's a 10-week Momentum challenge starting this week at Weight Watchers. I missed my meeting Saturday (I had numerous excuses, all of them bad). I'm going to a lunch meeting this Wednesday. I'll have my official post-holiday weighin and start the challenge.
Looking at my last official weighin I was 176.4 on November 19. I think I'm still pretty close to that. That's not really a great thing, but at least I didn't gain anything over the holidays.
If you have access to the Weight Watcher website, here's a link to the New Year, New Resolve Challenge Week 1. It looks interesting and even a little fun.
Book: The end to overeating
I'm still reading it, and I'm in the Rehab section. I'm working on a couple of the behavioral changes. Stay tuned for more on this book. I still think the premise is good and it makes sense. It's the "doing it" part that's difficult (isn't that always the case?).
Exercise of the day
I hate lunges. Like really, really hate them. They hurt like heck, and I feel like I'm going to fall over when I do them. I'm so worried about making a fool of myself that I mainly focus on my balance, not really working my butt and thigh muscles.
Now I use the Smith machine with two 25-pound plates, so I'm lunging with 50 pounds. It's difficult but with the machine I can focus on my form and not worry about falling over.
Check out this instructional video for the Smith Machine Lunge. If it comes up with a start button, just click it. Don't worry about the gender/height thing.
Picture of the day
My assistant while taking down the tree on Sunday.
Current favorite workout song
Hot Mess by Cobra Starship
Sorry Amber! I'm sure this will insult your ears. The official video is kind of disgusting, but it's a great workout song.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Bastille my heart
Bastille my heart is the name of my OPI nail polish. Not really much to do with this post...I just like the sound of it. :)
I'm in an unusually happy place tonight, in fact, I've been there all day. I can't really remember the last time I felt this happy and hopeful about life, and just that feeling that all is right with my world.
I'm actually following through on some of my new year resolutions. One of the things was to work on my marriage. I'm married to an unusual man in that if I'm kind to him, he's doubly kind to me. If I'm a bitch to him, he's doubly an a-hole to me. It's always been like this, for the past 21 years.
Even though I know this to be true, I will still make the biggest deal about the smallest thing. The last few days I've been picking my battles wisely.
Emptying the dishwasher, a task I abhor, isn't really that big of a deal. In the big picture of life it's really not worth arguing about. He does a lot of "boy" stuff, like the lawn and the cars and the trash and the bills (his list is actually endless). I can empty the freaking dishwasher and not make a big stinking deal about it. It's kind of like keeping the peace, it makes everyone so much happier.
He loves board games. I don't. Yet I agreed to a couple games of Scrabble this afternoon (I know, we're such an exciting couple). I beat the pants off of him, so it was kind of fun, and he was really happy that I wanted to do something with him.
I've also cut back to watching very little television. That was one of my goals I didn't mention, less TV and more books. I've been reading, something that use to be a passion of mine. I love to read but the past couple of years it seemed to get put on a back burner. I'd buy books but never actually read them (unless I was on an airplane, so I did read a few books last year).
This limited television viewing is making a huge difference in my attitude. I really don't need to know every little detail about Tiger and Elin's life. Or how about those Kardashians? Or watch another re-run of Law and Order: SVU. Or how about the news, hearing about yet another police officer shot in the Seattle area (six in the last five weeks). Seriously, I just can't take it anymore. It depresses the hell out of me.
Back to the reading thing, the book "The end of overeating" is really good. It just makes so much sense to me, like why didn't I think of this on my own? After all, I have over forty years of experience in trying to lose weight and keep it off, you'd certainly think I would have figured this out by now (obviously I haven't).
It's based on cognitive behavioral therapy, similar to the Beck Solution (which I read and never really followed through on). Except this book makes more sense to me than the Beck book. I can relate to it more, the problem with hypereating defines my problem.
Of course, the point with all these self-help books is you have to do the stuff they suggest, regardless how tedious or painful it appears to be. Just reading the book and not following through with the behavioral changes doesn't do a thing.
I really like this book and will go into more details about it in future posts. This is really only day two so I need to give it some time to see if it really works. So far, I'm impressed, but time will tell.
Bastille my heart. For some reason, that just makes me smile. :)
Disclaimer: that's obviously not a picture of my fingernails. I have real, extremely short nails. I can't stand long fingernails. Although it is my nail color, and I love it.
Oh, and I did another two-hour workout today. I've created a fun, new routine for myself and I'm loving it. For details, so My Workouts".
And I know what you're thinking. Who is this chick and what have you done with our sad Diana? :)
The end of overeating
I love the book I'm reading, "The end of overeating." by David A. Kessler, MD.
pg. 145 "conditioned hypereating: "conditioned" because it becomes an automatic response to widely available food and it's cues, "hyper" because the eating is excessive, driven by motivational forces we find difficult to control."
pg. 146 "Why should a cookie be anything more than just a cookie?"
pg. 150 "Because a cookie makes me feel better, it's easy to develop the habit of seeking it out when I'm sad or angry. Over time, as neural pathways link the change in my mood with the experience of eating the cookie, the association grows stronger.
These products have some kind of hedonic, calming effect, said Koob. In other words, they relieve the itch. The problem is that the itch comes back."
pg. 147 "Behavior-activating messages that urge pursuit clash with internal messages demanding control. Our brains become battlegrounds.: <--- this is me every night.
pg. 155 "Many people like and want a food, but only some of us develop elaborate thoughts about it, or a preoccupation with it." <--- this is me! I knew there was something wrong with how I think about food. It isn't normal.
pg. 152 "Is there any evidence that food really makes you feel better after you've eaten it? Absolutely. People feel better after eating it. They eat for anxiety. And it soothes anxiety. It really does work like a Valium. But that effect, of course, is momentary."
pg. 156 "Focusing single-mindedly on not eating eventually pushes us to eat more. Feeling deprived only increases the reward value of food, and then usually gives way to indulgence, and often to abandon." <---no kidding?! This explains so much. This is why I always gain back the weight I've lost. I use restraint. Guess what, it only works for a limited time, then I fall into indulgence and abandon. I could be a case study for this little tidbit of research.
I'm on page 185, the section on "Reversing the Habit". I can't wait to read how to reverse this horrible habit of overeating.
pg. 145 "conditioned hypereating: "conditioned" because it becomes an automatic response to widely available food and it's cues, "hyper" because the eating is excessive, driven by motivational forces we find difficult to control."
pg. 146 "Why should a cookie be anything more than just a cookie?"
pg. 150 "Because a cookie makes me feel better, it's easy to develop the habit of seeking it out when I'm sad or angry. Over time, as neural pathways link the change in my mood with the experience of eating the cookie, the association grows stronger.
These products have some kind of hedonic, calming effect, said Koob. In other words, they relieve the itch. The problem is that the itch comes back."
pg. 147 "Behavior-activating messages that urge pursuit clash with internal messages demanding control. Our brains become battlegrounds.: <--- this is me every night.
pg. 155 "Many people like and want a food, but only some of us develop elaborate thoughts about it, or a preoccupation with it." <--- this is me! I knew there was something wrong with how I think about food. It isn't normal.
pg. 152 "Is there any evidence that food really makes you feel better after you've eaten it? Absolutely. People feel better after eating it. They eat for anxiety. And it soothes anxiety. It really does work like a Valium. But that effect, of course, is momentary."
pg. 156 "Focusing single-mindedly on not eating eventually pushes us to eat more. Feeling deprived only increases the reward value of food, and then usually gives way to indulgence, and often to abandon." <---no kidding?! This explains so much. This is why I always gain back the weight I've lost. I use restraint. Guess what, it only works for a limited time, then I fall into indulgence and abandon. I could be a case study for this little tidbit of research.
I'm on page 185, the section on "Reversing the Habit". I can't wait to read how to reverse this horrible habit of overeating.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Doing what I know best, resolution #3
Resolution #3 is Lose Weight. Easy peasy, right? I've done it before, many times over the years. The problem is really two-fold: losing the weight is only half the battle, keeping off the lost weight is part two of the battle. Part two is where I always struggle. Not that losing weight in the first place is easy, it's not, but maintaining the loss, now there's a real challenge.
I've been watching my weight creep up the last few months, now I'm 22 pounds above my lowest weigh-in last year. I have all kinds of excuses but none of them matter. What matters is where I am right now.
How am I going to get "there" from "here"? Here being 178 pounds and there being 145pounds (my new goal weight). That's 33 pounds of fat that I need to lose.
1. Journal. I know it sounds easy and it is easy. It's also a big old pain in the butt, but at the same time, it's a necessary evil. Journal and lose weight, don't journal and gain weight. Hmmm...which shall I chose?
2. Back to the Weight Watcher meetings. Tomorrow I'll be back, along with the multitudes. I'm dreading the official weighin, but it is what it is.
3. Actively try to figure out what is wrong with me. I have food issues, and I don't know why. I do know I'm not normal when it comes to food. I don't look at food as sustenance, but as pleasure, which is a totally screwed up view of food.
I'm reading a new book, The end of overeating. It talks about "hyereating" and I totally get what the author is talking about. Not everyone can relate, but I do. I can't wait to get to the Food Rehab section. Maybe I'll find some answers.
That's just a start. I have a long way to go to get this figure out. I thought I knew it all, when actually, I know practically nothing.
I've been watching my weight creep up the last few months, now I'm 22 pounds above my lowest weigh-in last year. I have all kinds of excuses but none of them matter. What matters is where I am right now.
How am I going to get "there" from "here"? Here being 178 pounds and there being 145pounds (my new goal weight). That's 33 pounds of fat that I need to lose.
1. Journal. I know it sounds easy and it is easy. It's also a big old pain in the butt, but at the same time, it's a necessary evil. Journal and lose weight, don't journal and gain weight. Hmmm...which shall I chose?
2. Back to the Weight Watcher meetings. Tomorrow I'll be back, along with the multitudes. I'm dreading the official weighin, but it is what it is.
3. Actively try to figure out what is wrong with me. I have food issues, and I don't know why. I do know I'm not normal when it comes to food. I don't look at food as sustenance, but as pleasure, which is a totally screwed up view of food.
I'm reading a new book, The end of overeating. It talks about "hyereating" and I totally get what the author is talking about. Not everyone can relate, but I do. I can't wait to get to the Food Rehab section. Maybe I'll find some answers.
That's just a start. I have a long way to go to get this figure out. I thought I knew it all, when actually, I know practically nothing.
MMX
It's really 2010. It seems unreal to me. I was born in 1955. The year 2010 sounded like science fiction. I never thought I'd live until 2010. Where are the flying cars? I should be living in a space bubble high above the earth like in the Jetsons, with my flying car. Nothing is as cool as I thought it was going to be...including my life.
Don't worry, this isn't a Sad Sack, 'woe is me' post. It's just me facing the reality that is my life right now. Luckily I can see there's hope. I can make my life better, I can be who and what I want to be (within reason of course, I'll probably never be an astronaut and make it to Mars in my lifetime).
This morning I was emptying the dishwasher and realized how absolutely dirty the silverware drawer had become, full of crumbs and God knows what else. It's a miracle we don't have bugs crawling around in our kitchen.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd emptied out the silverware drawer and replaced the drawer liner. That led to a thorough cleaning of the kitchen and relining shelves and drawers, throwing away a load of junk. Did I ever mention I'm married to a borderline hoarder?
While I was doing this it gave me time to think about my life. I need to clean out the junk in my head. It's become cluttered with negativity. Self-talk that I wouldn't say to my absolute worst enemy.
Don't worry, this isn't a Sad Sack, 'woe is me' post. It's just me facing the reality that is my life right now. Luckily I can see there's hope. I can make my life better, I can be who and what I want to be (within reason of course, I'll probably never be an astronaut and make it to Mars in my lifetime).
This morning I was emptying the dishwasher and realized how absolutely dirty the silverware drawer had become, full of crumbs and God knows what else. It's a miracle we don't have bugs crawling around in our kitchen.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd emptied out the silverware drawer and replaced the drawer liner. That led to a thorough cleaning of the kitchen and relining shelves and drawers, throwing away a load of junk. Did I ever mention I'm married to a borderline hoarder?
While I was doing this it gave me time to think about my life. I need to clean out the junk in my head. It's become cluttered with negativity. Self-talk that I wouldn't say to my absolute worst enemy.
I always claim I'm working on stopping the negative self-talk, but honestly, it continues, and I don't do a thing to stop it. It's probably the meanest thing I do to myself, which is probably a big contributor to why I overeat, which is the other mean thing I do to myself. It's also part of why my marriage suffers. If I hate myself so much how can he possibly love me?
So in January 1 tradition, here's my list of things I want to work on this year. Listed in order of priority.
1. Work on my marriage, for real this time. This is going to be our make it year. I want to make this a marriage worth being in, not one of convenience. I realize a big chunk of "working on it" is going to fall on my shoulders. I'm great at ignoring things I don't want to face.
2. Work on stopping the negative self-talk. I have lots of books on improving self-esteem and they all address this problem. I buy them but I don't read them. Even though I claim I want to fix myself I won't put in the effort. I need to like myself more. Right now I'm not feeling it, so it's going to be a long road.
3. My weight. This is a weight loss blog and you'd think this would be numero uno, but I need to really work on #1 and #2 in order for #3 to happen. Unresolved issues is what I believe is preventing me from getting to goal.
If I don't even like myself why would I bother with losing weight?
If I think I'm not lovable and not even worthy of being in a great marriage then again, why bother with losing weight?
I'm also going to reset my goal weight. I've been saying 135 is my goal, but let's be real. I'm almost 55 (technically not until August). I'm never going to weigh what I did in high school. It's not the same body or the same metabolism or the same anything. 145 sounds more realistic and would be a healthy weight for me.
4. Declutter my life. This is the year we tackle the garage. Seriously babe, if it's not been touched in ten years since we moved into this house, isn't it time to toss it? I would like to once again park my car inside the garage.
I've been watching the Hoarder show and it scares the crap out of me. I think we could become the star of that show if we don't start getting rid of junk. The very fact that we can't park in the garage is an indication we have a problem.
5. Continue with my exercise routine. 2009 was a great year for me for exercise. I averaged five to six workouts a week, always at least an hour, often two hours for each session.
In September my job went bananas with all the traveling and my routine went to hell. As soon as I was home again on a regular basis, I've gotten right back into my routine. I'm right back at it. This week I've worked out five days with only Wednesday off because my arms and legs were so sore that I could hardly move.
Now here's the exercise goal for 2010. Keep at it, don't stop. I've done this so many times in my life where I've been working out like a maniac for months and months, then one day, I just quit. In the past I've completely stopped working out, stopped any kind of exercise for no apparent reason other than I was tired of it. That was always followed by a huge weight gain (last time it was 100+ pounds).
That's it, my list of junk to do in MMX. I feel kind of tired looking at the list, it's such a short list but there's a lot of work ahead of me.
Here's to a great year, for all of us. :D
So in January 1 tradition, here's my list of things I want to work on this year. Listed in order of priority.
1. Work on my marriage, for real this time. This is going to be our make it year. I want to make this a marriage worth being in, not one of convenience. I realize a big chunk of "working on it" is going to fall on my shoulders. I'm great at ignoring things I don't want to face.
2. Work on stopping the negative self-talk. I have lots of books on improving self-esteem and they all address this problem. I buy them but I don't read them. Even though I claim I want to fix myself I won't put in the effort. I need to like myself more. Right now I'm not feeling it, so it's going to be a long road.
3. My weight. This is a weight loss blog and you'd think this would be numero uno, but I need to really work on #1 and #2 in order for #3 to happen. Unresolved issues is what I believe is preventing me from getting to goal.
If I don't even like myself why would I bother with losing weight?
If I think I'm not lovable and not even worthy of being in a great marriage then again, why bother with losing weight?
I'm also going to reset my goal weight. I've been saying 135 is my goal, but let's be real. I'm almost 55 (technically not until August). I'm never going to weigh what I did in high school. It's not the same body or the same metabolism or the same anything. 145 sounds more realistic and would be a healthy weight for me.
4. Declutter my life. This is the year we tackle the garage. Seriously babe, if it's not been touched in ten years since we moved into this house, isn't it time to toss it? I would like to once again park my car inside the garage.
I've been watching the Hoarder show and it scares the crap out of me. I think we could become the star of that show if we don't start getting rid of junk. The very fact that we can't park in the garage is an indication we have a problem.
5. Continue with my exercise routine. 2009 was a great year for me for exercise. I averaged five to six workouts a week, always at least an hour, often two hours for each session.
In September my job went bananas with all the traveling and my routine went to hell. As soon as I was home again on a regular basis, I've gotten right back into my routine. I'm right back at it. This week I've worked out five days with only Wednesday off because my arms and legs were so sore that I could hardly move.
Now here's the exercise goal for 2010. Keep at it, don't stop. I've done this so many times in my life where I've been working out like a maniac for months and months, then one day, I just quit. In the past I've completely stopped working out, stopped any kind of exercise for no apparent reason other than I was tired of it. That was always followed by a huge weight gain (last time it was 100+ pounds).
That's it, my list of junk to do in MMX. I feel kind of tired looking at the list, it's such a short list but there's a lot of work ahead of me.
Here's to a great year, for all of us. :D
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