We are not a statistic

I hate reading this weight loss statistic: over 95% of people gain back the weight that they've lost.

I see this statistic everywhere this time of year, in people's blogs, on the Internet, in the e-newsletters I get from various weight loss groups. Even my Weight Watcher leader mentioned it last week.

Everyone quotes this statistic, but I can't find the research to back it up. I just spent 20 minutes Googling it, and although I found the statistic everywhere, I can't find out where it's coming from. My guess is that some research group did some sort of study and came up with it.

This statistic infuriates me for many reasons. First of all, I want to know how they did the research. How did they come up with this number?

Maybe they checked with Diet Center, where I lost 40 pounds in 1978 and quickly gained it all back.

Maybe they checked with NutriSystem and saw in 1992 I lost 50 pounds, and re-gained it.

Did Jenny Craig tell them about the 70 pounds I lost on their plan in 1995 and regained the 70 pounds plus an additional 20 pounds in 1996 (putting me over 200 pounds for the first time in my life)?

Or was it my doctor that told them about the 110 pounds I lost with PhenFen in 1997 and then regained it all in eight months?  

Did Weight Watchers squeal on me, telling them about my first two attempts on their plan, where I lost 30 pounds and then lost 70 pounds, and gained it all back.

I'm not a poster child for weight loss, and maybe in the past I've been part of the 95% that lost the weight and gained it back again.

On the other hand, I have manage to keep off a chunk of weight for over a year. I was 174 August 8, 2008. I'm 173 today, and I'm on my way back down. That's a 66-pound loss kept off for 17 months. Maybe I'm not a total success (still not at goal), but I'm not a failure either.

Secondly, I don't like hearing this 95% statistic because I think it hurts people more than it helps them. It gives people a feeling of hopelessness, of why should I even try if I only have a 5% chance of winning this battle?

I know that feeling because that's exactly how I use to feel. During dark moments I would take that statistic and think I was absolutely doomed. There was no way I could do this if 95% of people couldn't do it either. That is a myth. Of course I can do this.

So why should you keep trying to lose weight when the odds are stacked against you?

1.) I'm not sure that 95% is even a real statistic. Where did it come from? Let's say it was true five years ago, why would it still be true today?

We're smarter now, we have more healthy food options. Weight Watchers is better than it was five years ago. We know how to do this and make it work. We can make it a permanent change.

There are hundreds of bloggers now that can help us and support us through this journey.

It's not the same world it was five years ago.

2.) Do you really have the option of not trying to lose weight? Imagine if you just totally gave up on losing weight. Where would you be in a year? In five years? Not a pretty picture is it?

I know where I'd be in five years if I gave up on trying to lose weight. I'd either be dead or in a wheelchair or trying to be a contestant on the Biggest Loser or signed up for weight loss surgery. None of those options appeal to me.

Don't let this statistic define you. If it's true (and I really doubt it is), fight it. Beat the odds. Why can't you be in the five percent that keeps the weight off forever?

Better yet, what if we all joined together and really do this, maybe we can increase that 5% statistic to 10% or 20% or 30% or maybe even 100% of the people that lose weight do NOT gain back the weight they lost.

We can't change history, but we can sure change the future.

Why yoga?

I'm dead, dog tired tonight. I have no pearls of wisdom for you, I'm empty. I've been sitting here staring at my screen trying to think of something intelligent to say, or even something stupid to say, anything, but I'm just drawing a big, fat blank. It's like I've run out of words.

Why yoga?
I wanted to mention why I was thinking about a yoga class. Not so much for spirituality or chanting to the supreme guru guy (whoever that's suppose to be, I have no idea). I have my own guy I pray to, and he's not some guru in India.

The reason I'm thinking about a yoga class is because I realized last week at the Kundalini yoga that I'm totally out of touch with my body. Even though I didn't like the chanting and weird breathing in Kudalini, there was something kind of cool about actually noticing my body. Paying attention to my breathing, to the stretching, to how it feels to move my body very slowly, to acknowledge my body.

When I hit the gym in the mornings, I hit it hard. I don't stretch to start, I just jump on that StairMaster or a spinning bike and away I go. My intent is to burn as many calories as quickly as possible in 30 minutes. According to my Polar Heart Rate monitor, it's usually around 220 calories for the StairMaster or 300 for the spinning bike. My goal is to get my heart rate up to around 150 and an average of 129. My resting heart rate is 54.

Then I hit the weights, trying to go as heavy as I can manage. Recently I've backed off a little on the size of weights since hurting my right shoulder and left elbow. Today my trapezius feels kind of shredded (thanks to Seated Rows with 67.5 pounds).

I'm still lifting 20-pound dumbbells and using 50-pound barbell for my lunges, but no crazy stuff like the 25-pound dumbbells. I doubt I'll ever work up to the 25-pound dumbbells. I think maybe I'm just not built like a guy and will never lift guy-sized weights.

I rarely stretch afterwards, simply because I don't have time. I'm in a hurry and stretching is a luxury. So that's why the yoga, and that's the only reason. I don't expect it to change my life or make me happy, I thought it might help my balance and make me more limber.

Squat machine
I discovered a cool new machine at my gym today that I had never noticed. It's a squat machine. I hate doing squats (next to lunges) because I have this fear that I'll squat down and not be able to stand back up, or just fall over. It's part of a small, ongoing fear that the old lady (me) that works out with all the young, buff guys is going to embarrass herself one of these days.

The machine is a MaxiCam (one of the big boy toys) and it's called a squat/calf machine. I totally loved it and my buttocks are super sore tonight.

Binging

I guess I need to mention the elephant in the room. The binging. So far so good. Last night was fine even though I slept the sleep of the damned. In other words, I'm not sure I actually even slept last night. Yet I still didn't go crazy with the eating. I had a couple small snacks, but I didn't eat any cheese (even though I know where to find it now). Actually, it's kind of lost it's appeal. It's just cheese, not crack or something.

Strength Training Book

I bought this book at Costco a few months ago and just started using it. I love it and it was only $11.99. I have six other books on strength training but this one is my current favorite. I love that it shows you which muscles you're working, and exactly how to do the exercises. Great book for a beginner or a pro.

Long post for someone out of words.

Kundalini Yoga...no thanks

It turns out I kind of hate Kundalini Yoga. This is what I hate: the chanting words that I don't know what they mean and I can't pronounce. The weird poses that hurt my ankle bones. The breathing. Oh my God!...the breathing by protruding my belly button when I breathe out makes me light headed dizzy. I hate all of it.

At first it seemed kind of nice. It seemed comforting, relaxing in the yoga studio. The lights were dimmed, the soft Indian music, everyone spoke in whispers. We had a really pretty lady Indian yoga instructor. Then she told us to close our eyes and she started the chanting thing.

She'd given us a paper with the mantra. I couldn't prounce the words. I couldn't get down the sing-song chanting thing she was doing. It felt weird and uncomfortable. I kept wondering what the words meant.

AD GURAY NAMEH, JUGAD GURAY NAMEH,
SAT GURAY NAMEH, SIRI GURU DEVAY NAMEH

I looked it on Google. The above mantra means:

This is the Mangala Charn Mantra, and is chanted for protection. It surroundsthe magnetic field with protective light, and means "I bow to the primal Guru (guiding consciousness who takes us to God-Realization), I bow to wisdom through the ages, I bow to True Wisdom, I bow to the great, unseen wisdom."

This just isn't for me. I have three more classes but I have no interest in going. It seems like a total waste of time.

I've tried the hot yoga, you might remember my post on that one. I'd rather have my eyes poked out with a hot stick than go through that torture again.

The only thing left to try is good old Hatha Yoga. There's a cute little studio down the street from where I live. They have a good reputation so I think I'll give them a try. I don't consider yoga exercise. I think of it more of as mental calming and relaxation. I could use some of that in my life so I'm willing to give it one last try. It can't be any worse than the last two yogas I've tried.

The letter

Tonight I feel incredibly in control of my eating. I feel so in control that I started thinking, I wish I could talk to myself when I get that crazy, out-of-control feeling and want to eat everything in sight. The sane, totally in control Diana talking to the crazy, out-of-control Diana, try to talk some sense into her.

Then I had an idea. I see people write themselves letters to be opened in a year or five years or twenty years. They're letters of their current self talking to their future self. I thought why don't I write a letter to the crazy Diana. The one that can't stop herself from binging.

I wrote the letter and have put it in an envelope, with two of my fat pictures, taped to the refrigerator door. It's to be opened if I start to feel like I'm losing control of my eating.

Here's the letter, from the sane Diana to the crazy Diana:

Dear Diana,

If you're reading this letter, it means you're considering embarking on mindless eating. A binge is about to happen. At least you had the presence of mind to open this letter and read it. That's a step in the right direction.

This is your sane self speaking to your crazy self. You need to listen because this part of you knows what's best for you.

Whatever you're thinking about eating, it wasn't planned and you don't have the Points for it. You need to really think about what you're going to do. Answer these questions before you proceed:

1. Do you really want to do this? Don't answer so quickly. Think about it for a few minutes. Never mind that you may have been thinking about it for hours, seriously and honestly think about it again. Is this REALLY what you want?

2. Remember it will only be a moment of pleasure. As soon as you eat the food you'll want more, and you know you won't be able to stop. You wouldn't be reading this if you thought you could stop. You're reading this because you're feeling a bit insane and out of control.

You need to get a grip on your emotions. Calm down for God's sake and think about what you're about to do. Is it really worth it? Is it worth throwing away all your hard work for a moment of pleasure?

3. If you insist on eating the food that you shouldn't eat, do me a favor first. Prepare a low-Point snack. Make it a protein and a complex carbohydrate.Sit down at the dining table and use a real dish and utensils. Do not read or watch TV. Focus on the snack you're eating. Drink a glass of ice water with it or herbal tea. Pay attention to what you're eating. Put down this letter and go have your snack.

4. If you're reading this then #3 didn't work. That's okay. Stop kicking yourself and beating yourself up about it. It's not the first time and not the last time. Whatever it is that's driving you nuts and you think you can't live without eating it, get one serving of it. Put it on a plate. Calculate the Points. Put them in the tracker first, then go enjoy your food...at the table.

If you still have the crazies, continue reading before you make the ultimate decision to just give up.

Whatever you're thinking at this very moment, put it aside. Let me tell you what I think. Me, the sane part of you. Food is not your friend. It is not love. It will not comfort you. It is not pleasure. It can't make you happy. It is mere sustenance to keep you alive. If you derive pleasure from it, remember it's only a momentary and fleeting pleasure.

Please take a good look the pictures in the envelope with this letter. Remember that 240-pound woman. Remember the physical and mental pain she went through every day. Remember how tough it was to get to where you are now.

I will ask you one more question:  Is whatever you want to eat at this moment really worth taking a chance on going back to being that sad woman in the pictures? The woman with the fake smile, that hurt in her heart and in her body. The one that wore her failure for the entire world to see, and who felt shame at her weakness. The one that hated how she looked and how she felt. The woman that dreaded getting out of bed every day of her life. Who was consumed by her fatness. The one that woke up every morning and thought, I've got to do something about my weight.

No, I didn't think so.

Signed,
The sane and in control Diana

Click on the pictures for a larger view, if you dare. :)

This picture horrifies me. I don't even recognize this person.

I can't believe I actually thought I was sort of cute in this picture.

Size 20 shorts are never cute.

Oops

Oops. I'm not talking about an object-oriented programming system. I'm talking about acknowledging a minor mistake.

Yes, I had an "oops" last night. It involved cheese. An almond butter and jam sandwich. Cold cereal with milk.

The cheese is the same cheese from New Year's Eve that I had requested my husband hide from me. He hid it in the bottom drawer of the fridge in the garage. It was out of sight and out of mind and it didn't haunt me...until yesterday.

Yesterday my cruel and evil loving husband had a plate of cheese and crackers for a snack. He even asked me if I'd like some too, and went on to tell me how great the Dubliner Irish cheese from Costco tasted. I know this is unintentional cruelty. He knows I like cheese. What he doesn't know is that I LOVE cheese. That I could eat an entire block of the Dubliner Irish cheese if he wasn't looking.

I had been perfect on my eating all day. I had a nice dinner and thought I was fine. We went to bed. I couldn't sleep. At midnight I got up and read for a while. I had a healthy snack of fruit and yogurt. 

Then I started thinking about the cheese. I couldn't seem to use any of my newly learned skills to turn off the thought process. It was like I was possessed.

After the cheese I had an almond butter and Huckleberry jam sandwich on two slices of Dave's Killer Bread.

After the sandwich I had two large bowls of Kashi Honey Toasted Oat cereal with ice cold milk.

Next was remorse, sadness, sleep.

This morning I'm better. It was merely a blip on my radar, a minor mistake.

I woke up late and had a healthy breakfast. We're going to the gym in the next hour where I will literally try to work my ass off (lower body workout today).

Normally I would hate myself right now, feel defeated and hopeless. Although I'm not thrilled with my behavior last night, I'm not surprised by it either. I can't expect to change a lifetime of bad habits in one week. That would be a ridiculous thinking. However, it's one slip in eight days. Not bad.

There will be more slips in my life. I'm not perfect. I'm human and flawed. Normal people have "oops" moments, but they recover and move on. I'm moving on.

Eat more, move less and lose weight

My weighin today:

That was the result of one week of doing the following:

1. I tracked ALL my food.

2. I weighed and measured EVERYTHING I ate and drank.

3. I did my very best to follow the Weight Watcher Good Health Guidelines (including 3 dairy servings, 2 tsp. healthy oil and even my vitamins).

4. Stayed within my Points limit of 22, plus 5 of my weeklies each day. I ate ALL 35 weeklies.

5. I earned 35 Activity Points with 6 days of working out, one-hour sessions.I didn't eat any of my APs, although if I wanted them, I would have eaten them.

6. I ate a LOT of food, choosing mostly what Weight Watcher refers to as filling foods. There were a lot of the green diamonds in my online tracker.

This has saved my life. I felt full and satisfied most of the time. This has made a HUGE difference.

7. I cut out the night binging by saying 'no' to myself. I really thought about if I was actually hungry, or if I was lonely, bored, tired, or thirsty. Surprisingly, most of the time I wasn't really hungry.

8. Three nights I was decided I was hungry and had a late night snack.

My snack of choice was 1 cup fresh fruit (pineapple, blueberries - my favorites), six ounces non-fat yogurt, and 1/2 cup Fiber One. A two point snack versus a 30-Point binge.

9. I cut out empty calorie foods that contained sugar, such as Weight Watcher ice cream bars, Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, Dreyer's Frozen Fruit bars, and a lot of other processed foods. I also cut out most artificial sweeteners.

10. I drank at least 64 ounces of water a day.

I don't expect or even want to lose this much weight every week. I know the weight loss will slow down this coming week. My real goal is about about two pounds a week.

The best part is that I can live like this the rest of my life. For the first time since I started Weight Watchers I don't feel hungry all the time. I'm eating a lot of really good food.

I can do this...eat more, move less and lose weight. Who knew?

On the seventh day...

Today is my seventh binge-free day. It's a miracle.

I've eaten within my Points limit and tracked every bite.

It's been months since I've had a week like this one.

It wasn't a white-knuckle week like the weeks I've had in the past several months. I didn't have horrible cravings where I wanted to eat all the time. The cravings are gone. Honestly, it feels like a miracle.

These are things I think help make this a good week :

1.) I changed what I'm eating. I'm avoiding as many processed foods as possible and eating as many of the "filling" foods as possible. I've broken off my relationship with Weight Watchers ice cream bars, Skinny Cows and Dreyer's fruit bars. They are no longer my friends and are not welcome in my home.

2. ) I've tracked all my food in the online Weight Watcher journal. My Weight Watcher leader told us last week that is the number one thing that will make a difference in your weight loss.

3.) I've been eating a lot of the what Weight Watcher calls filling foods. The ones that have the little green diamonds next to them in the food tracker. These are whole grains, whole foods, not processed junk. These foods make me feel fuller for a longer period of time. I realize I just said this in #1 but I can't emphasize it enough. This has changed my life.

4. ) As much as this gives me a big pain in the butt, I've been following the Healthy Eight Eating Guidelines. I save the healthy oil and at least one dairy to have with my evening meal. This helps satisfy me and keep me full throughout the evening.

5. ) The absolutely amazing support of the blogging community. Without you guys, I'm sure I would have totally given up a long time ago. You make a huge difference in my life. I can't even begin to thank you for all your support and constantly cheering me on.

6. ) You knew this one was coming...."The end of overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite" by David Kessler, MD. The cognitive behavioral therapy in this book has worked wonders for me. I know it won't work for everyone, but I guess I found my magic bullet. Okay, it's not really magic. I have to do all the work, but it provides me the tools to use to avoid binging and overeating.

Learning to say "no" to myself is something I didn't even think was possible.

I realize it's only been seven days, but I feel full of hope and excitement for what the future holds. I don't fear it anymore. I will not wind up a contestant on the Biggest Loser.

The guidelines (in case you forget them):

5 servings of fruits & veggies
2 servings of milk products - 3 servings if you're over 50
6 glasses of "liquids"
2 tsp healthy oils
1-2 servings of lean protein
1 multivitamin a day
Choose Whole Grains when possible
At least 30 minutes of activity a day most days of the week
Limit sugar and alcohol