Monday morning...back to the salt mine

Note:  I'm working today not really because I have to, it actually is a holiday at my company. Technically I do have the day off. However, today is my code complete date for a project I've been working on...you know, the one I've been complaining about so much lately. Alpha testing starts tomorrow with all our testers. I'm just doing some final  unit testing, hoping to get it as bug free as possible. I should have come in Saturday or Sunday instead, but I was too lazy. :)

It's 7am, and I'm in the office today. Alone. It's so quiet, peaceful. I almost wish it was like this every day. I work in a cubicle, with about sixty other people on my floor. We're the epitome of the movie Office Space.

Want to see...

That's my "I don't care what I look like" hair. I'm also wearing workout clothes so I can go the gym later. I'm going to the Bally's in Kent. I've never been there before, but it's about an 11-minute drive. It'll be a nice break to get out of the office for a while during what I think is going to be a grueling day.

Here's what the floor looks like when no one is here:

Here's the view outside the window. There's a tree already turning to it's fall colors. Fall is definitely in the air this morning. Cold. Cloudy. Rainy. Typical Seattle winter weather.

Well, it's to work I go. I hope the rest of the world is enjoying the holiday. Funny, Labor Day, and I'll be laboring away!

5/10ths of a pound a week

5/10ths of a pound

.5 pounds

8 ounces

1/2 pound

two cubes of butter

...per week

...for 124 weeks

...equals 62.4 pounds.

Starting weight 2/9/2010: 239.2

Current weight 9/4/2010:  175.6

If you had told me two years and seven months ago that I was going to lose .5 pounds per week, I would have run screaming from the room. I would have said NO WAY! That's too slow! I can't wait THAT long to get to goal. Why, at that rate it'll take me...doing the math quickly in my head--I want to lose 100 pounds at .5 pounds per week is 200 weeks or almost four freaking years!

Um, no thank you. I'll figure out a faster way to get to goal. Surgery? Jenny Craig...again? Nutri-System...again? Cut calories to 800 a day...again? MediFast? There has to be a FASTER way!!!

I use to read people's blogs where they would lament about being a slow loser, posting week after week a loss of 1/2 a pound or a pound. I'd feel sorry for them and be thankful it wasn't me. I could easily drop 2-3 pounds a week.

Yet here I sit, two years and seven months later still forty pounds from goal

My goal is still 135 pounds. It's always been my goal, and most likely, will always be my goal. I may modify it as I get closer. I have that whole age thing working against me, wrinkles and stuff. People told me I looked haggard when I was 152 about a year ago. Yes, my friends are brutally honest. I like to think it was just lack of sleep, not the fact that I'm 55 years old.

Will it take me 78 weeks to get to goal? God, I hope not! If it does, that's okay. This isn't a race, I'm in it for the long haul.

I could look at it a different way too. Considering I gained 13 pounds in 13 weeks when I was actually trying to lose weight, I'm sure I could gain 78 pounds in 78 weeks. Don't laugh, sadly I've done it before, but I certainly don't intend to do it again.

As we say at work, it is what it is. I intend to make it work this time. To really buckle down, cut back on the eating, gain control again. I have one day under my belt. It feels good, although I am a little hungry, but in the weight loss world, hunger is a good thing.

New blogger on the block - Tanya

I love new bloggers. The ones that are just starting out, trying to find their way. Everything is new and fresh to them. They're excited about losing weight. You can feel their enthusiasm.

I love reading about their successes, as well as their struggles. I love cheering them on when they face the inevitable obstacles or when they have questions or self-doubt. I love being their cheerleader.

What always surprises me is how much I can learn from them. They're discovering things I forgot about. I've been doing this "thing" for a long time, and I've come to think that I know it all. Then I'll read a little tidbit that a newbie writes and go "whoa! I forgot about that!". Or "oh yeah, they're right!".

I'd like to introduce a new blogger friend I found over the weekend. She posted a sweet, encouraging comment on my Saturday post. I checked out her blog, and I'm her first follower. She needs a few more people to support her on her journey.

I introduce to you:
                                            Tanya's Weight Loss Journey

Funny name for a blog. :) Drop in and visit her, leave a comment, and welcome her to our world.

Today is the day I...

1. Today is the day I went back to Weight Watchers, after a three-month absence.

2. Today is the day I faced the Weight Watcher's scale and a 13-pound weight gain in three months.

3. Today is the day I acknowledged my weight is 175.8.

4. Today is the day I get serious about my health and losing weight.

5. Today is the day I start counting Points, again.

6. Today is the day I get back to tracking my food online.

7. Today is the day I follow the healthy eight eating guidelines on the Weight Watcher plan.

8. Today is the day I stop beating myself up for screwing around for the last eight months.

9. Today is the day I pat myself on the back for not gaining everything back, plus some. I acknowledge I still have a loss of 63 pounds. That's a good thing.

10. Today is the day I love myself just the way I am right now, and not wait until I weigh [fill in the blank] pounds. I forgive myself.

Here's the official weigh-in:

Usually I reward myself with a gift after I have a weight loss. I'll set a goal, and if I make it, I buy something for myself.

Today I bought something for myself just because I went back to Weight Watchers. I'd been telling myself for weeks that I needed to at least get back down to where I was back in June (162.8), when I stopped going to the meetings. I know that logic was really stupid, but it's what I've been telling myself.

It's a leather eggplant (purple) Junior Drake purse. It's a lot prettier (and softer) in person. And it was on sale!

 

I bought this clicker thing at Weight Watchers to keep track of Points. I know there will be days when I just can't bear to track my food online. On those days, I'm going to use this clicker.

Here's my workout from today. I write down my workout every day (silly I guess, but I've been doing it two years).

Well, I started writing this several hours ago. It's 9:30pm and time for bed. I need to eat something before bed because I've only had 16 Points today. Something around five Points should do it. So far, so good. :)

If you see me dancing...

If you see me dancing on the cross ramp or the elliptical or the StairMaster, please do not call the paddy wagon! In spite of how it might look, I have not gone crazy. I've just figured out how to have fun while doing my cardio (that you all know I hate so much).

I finally feel like I have a handle on my workouts again. I was in a dark place for the last couple of months when it came to exercising, especially the cardio part. I know I have to do it, not just for weight loss but for my heart. Without my heart in good, working order I most likely won't live to a ripe old age. Since I'm already 55, I'd like to get at least a few more years out of this old body.

My tips....

1. BAD ATTITUDE - Lose the bad attitude. It's not going to do you one bit of good to be all grumpy faced about exercising. In fact, if you begrudging exercise day after day, hating every minute of it, one day you will probably say..."to hell with this, I'm not doing it anymore!" I know because recently I was starting to think along those lines. It wasn't that I was hating every minute of it, just the first 15 minutes and the last 15 minutes of my 30-minute cardio workouts. :)

2.  THE DREADED ASSISTED CARE - A friend asked me earlier this week why I go to the gym so much. Obviously I want to lose weight, but really, eating less is more conducive to weight loss than hours of exercising. I told her I wanted to live a long, healthy life, and I was really looking forward to my retirement.

My friend's response was, "so you die five years earlier, at least you don't have all that pain of exercising".  My response, I don't really mind the dying part so much, it's the not dying. It's the stroke or the heart attack or the diabetes, being in a wheelchair and having someone take care of me. Have you ever been to an assisted home? Those are the real reasons I exercise. Sure, there's no guarantees in this life, those things could still happen to me, but at least I'll know I gave it my best effort to make sure it doesn't happen.

3. MUSIC - You must have great music to get the most out of your workout. This is the one thing that has helped me immensely during the last three years of consistent, regular exercise. I've gone through three iPods in three years (sweat will destroy an iPod, just for the record). Every month I download new songs for my iPod. I personally like top forty stuff, which my husband says is "crap". Well, maybe it is, but if it helps me get my heart rate up to 144 (resting pulse is 49), then I'll do whatever it takes. My current favorite workout tune....Animal by Neon Trees. In fact, here's my current playlist...

4. FUN - Try to have fun. I mean, really have fun with it. Life is short, there's no time to be miserable. Lately I've started sort of dancing on the cardio machines. On the StairMaster I do the stairs to my music. Same with the cross ramp, it's actually easier on the cross ramp. You can really rock out on that thing. Don't worry about what other people think. They'll probably be thinking you're nuts or wonder what on earth you are doing or maybe, they just might think, she looks like she's having fun exercising...yup, she's crazy!

5. SMILE - IT WON'T KILL YOU - If you're at the gym, please do not walk around staring at the floor. I've seen the same people at the gym for three years. I say hello or good morning to everyone, if they bother to make eye contact. I realize some people are shy and perhaps it's their culture to not make eye contact, but honestly, a little hello and a smile never hurt anyone. I'm just sayin', if you act like you're miserable, most likely you're going to be miserable. It's tough enough to get your butt to the gym in the first place, don't make it an unpleasant experience. Try to enjoy it. Who knows, you might actually like it if you stop dreading it so much.

6. THE FIVE-MINUTE RULE - One last tip, one I've used several times the last three years. Sometimes when that alarm goes off at 4:40 a.m. I think to myself, I just can't do this. I'm tired, my knee hurts, my head hurts, I'm freaking old, I shouldn't have to do this. Or, I don't want to do this. When I feel like this I follow my five-minute rule.

The rule is this: get up, get dressed in my workout clothes, get in my car, drive to the gym, get on a piece of cardio equipment, my choice (it's a wildcard day - I give myself this when I feel lousy - my exercise of choice). Five minutes. Just do five minutes of exercise. If I hate it so much that I think I'm really going to die, go home. In three years I've only gone home once. It's the getting there that's the hard part.

#4 is my favorite and something I've really started doing recently. I know I look kind of funny, but it's so much more fun to bounce around and dance to the music.  I love it! Me and Neon Trees. :)

Random Thoughts Wednesday

I've seen other people do this, post their random thoughts. Since my head is constantly full of random thoughts, I thought it would be fun (well, fun for me at least), to jot down some of those thoughts.

1. I can't buy a package of vanilla and strawberry Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches and eat just one. I ate six last Sunday night. 840 calories. Hello...my name is Diana, and I am a food addict. By the way, have you ever seen a "skinny" cow?

2. Fitness magazine claims working out can make you hungry, which in turn can make you fat. Really? I already knew that, but exercise isn't optional. Their suggestion is to eat more whole foods, a balance of carbs and proteins, with healthy fats and fiber. Not exactly newsworthy, and I paid $3.50 for the magazine.

3. That $3.50 did buy me some other advice that I've known for years but have chosen to ignore. Until yesterday. The experts say you should eat something small before a workout. That you shouldn't workout on an empty stomach. I actually ate a small piece of fruit BEFORE I worked out yesterday. It did wonders for my workout. I had tons of energy. Or was that just my mind playing tricks on me? The jury is still out.

4. I worked out twice yesterday. Cardio in the morning and weights at lunch. I even added Jumping Jacks in between my sets (50 at a time in 45 seconds), which really burned the calories. The only down side, two sets of dirty workout clothes in one day. I would have worn the morning clothes again at noon (I know, totally gross), but they were still wet with sweat. Ick!

5. I'm still thinking about Alicia's essay that I posted yesterday. I wonder how a 12-year old could be so smart. I'm 55 and have never been that introspective. Her middle name was Angel. That made me smile and cry at the same time. If you missed the post (I posted it late yesterday), you really should go read it. I think it's my best post ever...and I didn't even write it.

6. I made Lyn's cabbage soup yesterday, with a few modifications. I didn't have any cabbage on hand so I used Brussels sprouts (one package chopped), Rotel canned tomatoes (I like a little heat in my soup), one chopped red pepper, six chopped baby Portabellas, 1/4 chopped onion, organic chicken broth and a five-ounce chicken breast. It was delicious! Especially because it was a cold, rainy day (stupid Seattle - it's not suppose to be winter yet!).

7. I worked from home today and wore my pajamas all day. After my workouts, I took a quick shower and put my jamies back on. I let my hair dry naturally (a fuzzy, frizzy, wavy mess), and no makeup. I loved it. Plus it added at least an hour of extra time to my day (hence the extra workout).

8. I know I've said this before but I really detest evening workouts. I feel like a rat in a cage with all those people. I don't do well with groups of people, and when the gym is packed, I'm not a happy girl. Monday night at 6pm was the worst. I need to remember this at 5am when the alarm goes off.

9. I haven't worn nail polish for almost two weeks. At first it felt like freedom, not worrying chipped polish or putting my hands in hot soapy water. Now it just feels like I'm not properly groomed. I've worn polish my entire adult life. My fingers feel naked. I don't feel "girly". I don't like it. A manicure is in my near future.

10. I decided to post a random picture. I have hundreds if not thousands of pictures on my backup hard drive. I picked this one. Randomly. To go with random Wednesday.

October 2008. Almost two years ago. My weight, 170.8. Three pounds less than I weighed this morning. Funny thing. I thought I looked skinny then. In fact, looking at it now, I don't think I look like a fat pig at all. So why do I feel like a fat pig now? I wonder.

Is it Friday yet?

READ ME (only if you want)

I had a ton of things I wanted to blog about today, weight loss and exercise stuff, but that can all wait.

I came across an email today. It was from a co-worker on another team. He's someone I've worked with, and someone I respect. He has a unique sense of humor that makes even difficult IT situations funny. He's often referred to as a really nice guy.

His email was dated March 2009, and the subject was: "That which blindsides you at 4 PM on some random Tuesday". It was a thank you email to the IT division for all their caring emails and cards. He wrote that he'd said goodbye to his Alicia. I vaguely remember this incident from last year. His 12-year daughter, Alicia, was accidentally shot and killed while visiting her grandparents.

I realized I'd never read anything about this little girl. I did a search online and found her obituary. She loved reading and loved to write. They posted the following essay written by Alicia. I'm taking the liberty of posting it here. I found it to be a very moving essay. I hope you enjoy it.

In memory of Alicia Mead.

READ ME (only if you want) Composed by Alicia Mead.
Copyrights are reserved.

"Live everyday like your last" were the words lining the page of a generic book I flipped through. Wow, that seems pretty depressing, I thought, squeezing it back into an empty space on its bookshelf. Who would want to live like they're gonna die the next morning? The author or people who took that advice seriously would probably end up living with extreme anxiety every day of their lives, worrying about death than actually enjoy living.

Whatever. I progressed down into the Manga (Japanese comics) section of the store and scanned their titles, After thumbing through another book, somehow the quote seemed to snag my thoughts. Live every day like your last, there has to be some reason the author spent his time writing it…

Glancing, a clock informed me it was time to leave. Live everyday like your last, and at that moment I realized I would never view things the same way again.

Staring out a window on my drive home, I questioned why this one, petite, microscopic quote would have such a huge impact on my perspective. I mean, it should have already been forgotten three seconds after I declined the book, but somehow the line stood out through my noggin like an eight footed elephant trapped inside a field of angry, raging monkeys. But anyway, I had nothing else to ponder, so I gave thought to this unique sentence and reasons to follow its "advice".

An obvious point to living your days like your last is because you'll always do your best. Expanding, I thought, is to get the most out of the things you do. After all, if it really was my last day, then I'd like to fall asleep knowing I got the most out of my daily activities. Further, I'll take pride in the last things I ever do, knowing I wish to be remembered by the quality that people see. Also, knowing that I've done my best will leave me assured of nothing to regret.

Another reason is because you'll waste less time. If you decide this to be your last day on Earth, then it's only logical to put the smallest time possible to waste. For one thing you'll be more focused on your current actions, in fear of not completing them in what may your last opportunity. Further and for the same reason you'll be less likely to procrastinate. In the end, not procrastinating and better focus will result in accomplishing faster. Thus, wasting less time.

Frowning at the passing scenery and brainstorming harder, you won't take things for granted. Being on the verge of losing everything, you'll take advantage of opportunities more. From that, you'll appreciate the important things in life, family for instance, and possibly stress less about lesser consequential issues. Also, you'll be less likely to spend time with negative emotions, concentrating on the positive things that are of higher importance.

My final reason to this thesis is because you'll savor life more than you did before. Converse to negative feelings, you'll shove in space for positive emotions, enabling you to contain more joy. Also, you'll be more likely to "smell the roses", again helping to appreciate what's important in life. Living everyday like your last will show you to be lucky and thankful for the gift of life, while there are so many people who have difficulty appreciating it.

All in all, just from that one quote, I learned a whole new way of living. I realized the choices I make and the things I do will affect everything in the future, for every action comes a consequence of time. I vowed to see the worth of my actions, and only pursue those that I would value most. I realized my life would never be the same, as I randomly began doodling on my homework paper out of boredom and procrastination.

It turns out I can do anything for 20 minutes

I just got into the office, a little later than I would have liked (it's noon), but I decided to go to the gym before work instead of after work. I only plan on working about five hours this afternoon, and then have a little down time at home tonight.

I thought it might also be nice if I posted when I was actually feeling a little happy and hopeful instead of so sad. I'm even getting bored with my "woe is me" attitude. It's just work, not the end of the world. :)

I took your advice and did interval cardio this morning. Well, at least my version of intervals. I worked out on three cardio machines, 20 minutes each. It did cost me an extra ten minutes to get in an hour of cardio since I wipe down the machines before and after I use them, but it was well worth it.

On each machine, the cross ramp, elliptical, and stationary bike, I did interval speeds of high resistance and as fast as I could go for one minute, then recover for a minute, then back to fast and hard for a minute. Just knowing I only had to stay on any one machine for twenty minutes made it totally bearable and not as boring as one machine for an hour.

I was a sweaty, dripping mess after I was finished, and my Polar heart rate monitor said I burned 423 calories. Not too bad, especially when it thinks I weigh 155, and since I weigh 175 (yes, still!), I probably burned a few more calories.

I don't have much else to talk about, just work stuff. I'm consumed with it right now. If I can just make it through this next week without having a heart attack or something, life will be good again. It sure makes me appreciate my 40-hour work weeks. Fortunately that's the norm around here, it's just this project I'm on has to be finished by the end of the week.

I hope the rest of your are having a fun and restful Sunday.

Note (posted at 2:40pm): One really positive note about being in the office alone on a Sunday, I can have a big bowl of steamed Brussels sprouts with balsamic vinegar without someone going "Oh My God! What's that smell!?". Hee hee. Just me here, and I love Brussels sprouts.