Choosing your hard

Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard.
Choose your hard.

This isn't an original thought of mine, but I love it. Someone at my Weight Watcher meeting on Saturday said she read it on a blog on Sparkpeople. I Googled it and found the Sparkpeople blog that wrote it in Jan 2011, Lyn wrote it in a July 2009 post, and someone else wrote it in a caloriecount message board in 2008 (this was fun, it's weight loss mantras). I'm sure people have been saying this for a very long time. Regardless of who originally came up with the thought, it really hit home with me.

Last week was hard. I was hungry, and complaining constantly to anyone that would listen that I was starving to death. Even increasing my calories to 1,500 a day on Thursday didn't help. I was still insanely hungry. In addition my workouts were terrible. I've gone to the gym every day since Jan. 2 for an hour to an hour and half, but until yesterday every day was a struggle. I did it, but not with joy in my heart. To say I was off my game is an understatement.

I'm not really sure what was going on last week but thankfully by Saturday it was like my batteries had finally recharged. The extreme exhaustion, the insatiable hunger, even the depression, all lifted. I feel like my old self. Even my workout on Saturday was one of my best workouts ever (I rule on the StairMaster!). The day before I had written in my exercise journal "Worst workout ever. What is wrong with me?!". Saturday and today I feel happy and energized. It's good to feel like myself again.
Favorite song of the week
It's sort of funny that the first song I downloaded in 2011 is P!nk's F**kin' Perfect. One of my New Year resolutions is to swear less. Notice I didn't say stop swearing totally, but to not make it part of my everyday conversation. Some things, like when you stub your toe on the bedpost, demand a bad word or two. Everyday conversations, not so much.

When I first heard this song on the radio I totally loved it, it's by one of my favorite singers, P!nk (love her!). One of the best concerts I've ever seen was the P!nk Funhouse Tour in 2010.

This song reminded me of one of my favorite posts that I read last week. It may be one of my all time-time favorite's, Roxie's Perfect Parts. I love this post. It's one of my biggest struggles in life, stopping the negative voices in my head. I'm the queen of putting myself down.

F**kin' Perfect by P!nk




Favorite recipe of the week
This was in the Jan/Feb 2011 Weight Watcher Magazine.
This is excellent and the serving is huge (1 3/4 cups).

1T canola oil
1 medium onion, chopped
3/4 lb ground chicken or turkey
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1(32oz) carton low sodium chicken broth
10 oz can diced tomatoes with green chiles (I used Rotel's)
1(3/4lb) sweet potato diced and cubed
1 large parsnip peeled and sliced
2 T chopped fresh cilantro

Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onion and cool, stirring frequently, until softened. Add chicken and cumin breaking up chicken until browned. Stir in broth, tomatoes, sweet potato, and parsnip, bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until potato is fork tender (about 15 minutes)
A serving is 1 3/4 cup and only serves 4.
PointsPlus value 7

280 calories
8 g total fat
53 mg chol
24 mg sod
27 g total carbs
9 g total suger
5 g fiber
26 g protein
86 mg calc

Favorite tea of the week
This tea has been around for a long time, but I just discovered it. Good Earth Original. It's spicy and naturally sweet. It doesn't need sweetener. It only has 16 grams of caffeine (compared to coffee that has 100 grams), or you can get the decaf version. Delicious and calorie free.

Plan for this week
Continue my exercise streak. No days off since Jan. 2. I plan to keep with this trend. I'll throw in a few light workouts here in there, but for the most part I want to give it 110%. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. If I was able to drag myself to the gym last week when I really just wanted to crawl in a hole, curl up and die, I'm pretty sure I'll be exercising the rest of my life.

Weight Watchers
I want to give the new plan a fair chance but still track the calories. I have to keep up on my food journal. I slacked off for a couple of days, so it's time to get back at it.

Also, a new year resolution, I must attend at least one meeting a week. It's a new rule for me.

A word about the new PointsPlus. Be sure to recalculate your foods using the new calculator if it's something that's not in the Food Tracker, even brand names differ. I've gone back to eating Franz Thinwiches (even though Dave's Killer breads are much healthier but they're too hefty in Points).

I had been using the Arnold's Sandwich Thins in the online food tracker, which use to be two Points (which is what Franz calculated out to be in the old plan). I just assumed when Arnold's said three Points on the new plan my Franz would also be three Points. This morning I recalculated Franz and it's only two Points based on the new plan. Don't cheat yourself. You need every Point you can get. :)

I'm finding even with the fruit added in, in reasonable portions of course, 3 - 4 servings a day, the PointsPlus are calculating out to be roughly 50 calories each. It's very odd how this is working out but you can see it in my Food Diary.

Polar Heart Rate Monitor
If you don't own a Polar Heart Rate Monitor you're missing out on one of the greatest exercise motivators that was ever invented. I totally love mine. Over the last three years I've purchased three. They keep improving them, adding more features. My favorite is still one I bought almost two years ago when I saw my personal trainer at the time had one, it's pink and much more feminine than the black bulky ones I own.

A couple of times I've gone to the gym without my Polar HRM and my workouts really suffered. It's the best tool I've found for giving you an accurate heart rate and keeping track of how many calories you're burning. You can't trust the machines. From what I've seen their calories burned count are unusually high, often double from what the HRM displays.

Tony posted a giveaway for a Polar HRM, but even if you don't win, if you leave a comment you can get a discount on a Polar HRM.

*****

Here's to a great week for all of us.

And remember...

Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard.

I'm choosing losing weight.

A return to sanity

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever make peace with food. Today was suppose to be day number four of eating 1200 calories. My average calories for the previous three days was 1294 a day, not quite my 1200 goal.

My energy level was zero when the alarm went off at 4:45 a.m. today, my normal time to get up and head out to the gym before work. This morning I just couldn't do it. I was so tired that I shut off the alarm and went back to sleep.

When I finally woke up at 7:30 a.m. my husband had already left for work. I still felt like I couldn't get out of bed. I decided to stay home from work. I was so tired that even getting ready for work sounded like more than I could do. After two days back from a 25-day vacation I took a day off. I couldn't help it. My body and mind weren't cooperating.

I ate a healthy breakfast and then went right back to bed. I didn't get up until 11 a.m. When I finally got up I was still exhausted. I felt like I couldn't move.

I realized that although the 1200 calories a day plan works for a lot of people for quick weight loss, it's just not right for me. I'm not criticizing the plan all. I'm just not willing to feel extremely hungry, tired and weak all the time. To be really honest, if I had to live like this the rest of my life I think I'd rather not live.

Now what?

I need to do something since I really need to lose a minimum of 25 pounds (preferrably 35). The only logical thing is to go back to the Weight Watcher plan and follow it faithfully.

I still think it's the best weight loss plan out there. I've been reading the Getting Started book for the new plan (again).

Just for fun I'm still going to track my calories and Points for the rest of the month. I didn't track anything today because honestly, I was just to tired and I really didn't care about much of anything. I ate more than 1200 calories and I feel much better tonight. I'm not seeing stars when I stand up to quickly.

I want to keep my calories under 1500. If I track the Points and calories for a month, I can get a good idea of how the zero Point fruits are affecting my daily calorie count. Once I get an idea of how many fruits I can eat and still stay under 1500 calories, I'll keep that as a limit for myself.

I feel like for me, this is the sane thing todo.

Allan is right, this is REALLY hard

I'm participating in Allan's Phase 4 challenge, well, at least I'm trying to do it. It's not that easy. He says it gets better, I sure hope he's right.

I don't weigh 141 like he has me listed on his chart of participants. I wish! I started at 181 on Sunday. I hope he doesn't show me gaining 40 pounds at the end of week one.

The Good
My size 12 jeans that I wore on the plane on Saturday that were too tight and cutting into my flesh, fit much better today. They were fresh out of the dryer this morning, and they're actually comfortable.

My manager bought us all really cool company logo insulated water glasses with a straw. I love it! I can add ice and it doesn't sweat like my stainless steel Nathan water bottle. I've actually been drinking more than my required 90 ounces of water (today was 116 ounces of water, plus coffee and tea - a little on the high side).

The bad
Allan said Phase 4 would be hard in the beginning and he wasn't kidding. It's been an extremely difficult three days of trying my best to stay in the 1200-calorie range. To say I'm hungry is an understatement. I feel like I'm starving to death. I'm trying to follow his eating guidelines. Actually, they're similar to Weight Watchers but without all the "free" fruit.

I've been eating a bit more protein than his plan recommends, because, well, you know I work out soooo hard. I think I've been kidding myself about exactly how hard I'm really exercising. I thought the extra protein would help with the hunger but it's not working. I know, I'm breaking the rules and if this doesn't work for me it's totally my own fault.

The ugly
I'm feeling sort of weak and light headed, and I'm more forgetful than normal. Forgetting names of people that I've known for years, losing my cell phone (found it in my car), and other things that are starting drive me a little nuts.

I can't decide if this is all in my head and I'm imagining it or if it's because of the reduced calories. I know the upside of the hunger means I'm losing weight. The downside is that it's difficult to function when I feel like this.

My workout this morning was really terrible. Thirty minutes on the StairMaster and each step felt like torture. I only completed 103 floors. I normally complete at least 125 to 135 floors (my personal best was 144 floors in 30 minutes).

My strength workout wasn't much better. The barbell that I use for bicep curls and overhead shoulder presses is 45 pounds. I've been doing it for months but today that 45 pounds felt like 65 pounds. I completed all of my exercises and reps (three sets each) but it was a struggle. I really just wanted to go home, eat everything in sight, and crawl back into bed. Usually I don't even think about food when I'm at the gym in the morning.

My calories burned on my heart rate monitor for my hour workout was 380. Usually it's 500 - 600 calories. Not good.

A word about Weight Watchers
I've been whining about the zero Points fruits and vegetables, but really, for most people I don't think this is a problem. It's really just a problem for me. I don't seem to know when to stop. I guess I'm lacking in common sense when it comes to food. After all, I did gain 100 pounds. That says a lot about my self-control when it comes to food.

I'm still attending meetings, mainly for the accountability of the weigh ins and because I love my leader.

Link to my food diary
I'm tracking my food on a different blog page -- Food Diary, with calories AND Points for everything I'm eating. It's very boring reading but I'm really surprised how many calories I'm consuming. I'm pretty sure I was eating a lot more than 2000 calories a day because 1300 calories seems like starvation to me now. No wonder I've been gaining weight.

My conclusion about this whole thing
It really is lot harder than I thought to eat only 1200 calories a day. I really hate being this hungry. I know it'll be worth it if I can get this weight off. Thanks Allan for sharing your plan with us, I appreciate it, but oh my gosh, this is difficult!

This was a very tough day

After 25 days of vacation I went back to work today. It's hard for me to get back into the swing of things after a long weekend. After almost four weeks, it was darn near impossible. I'm so tired right now I can barely stay awake.

Today is also the first day in a really long time where I was extremely careful with what I ate.  I'm doing an experiment through the end of January. I'm still counting Points, but I'm also counting calories. Double the fun, right?

I have my doubts about the new Weight Watcher PointsPlus plan. Zero Points for all fruits and most vegetables just doesn't seem right to me.

I know someone reading this is thinking 'she didn't get fat from eating too many fruits and vegetables'. That's probably true, but it's also true that I can consume massive quantities of fruits and vegetables. Six large bananas is 600 calories. I've easily eaten six bananas in a day several times in my life, in addition to my regular meals. I seem to have a bottomless pit for a stomach. This is enough calories that would prevent me from having a weight loss and might even cause a gain.

I rarely list what I eat unless it's something I binged on like the can of cake frosting I ate about a year ago. Or the pizza and coconut cream pie I ate on New Year's Eve. In an effort for accountability I'm going to post every bite I eat, at least through the end of January.

Since I don't want to bore you all to death with my daily food intake, I've created a separate blog of my food diary. The calories and the Points will be documented. This is really for me, so I can see it all in one place. I just started it tonight, but haven't added the link yet.

Unfortunately, since I'm dead tired right now and getting up this morning was a challenge, I'm heading to bed right now.

January 2, 2011 - 181 pounds

Pictures from the ice park at North Pole, Alaska.

December 31, 2010

The vacation
I'm back from Fairbanks where I had a wonderful week with  my family. I'm blessed to have a really great family. We have a little dysfunctional stuff going on, just like any family, but we have a lot of fun together. I was actually crying on the plane after leaving them yesterday. I miss them already.

You can see from my title I didn't do so well with the weight loss this last week. I actually gained four pounds in the week I was in Fairbanks. Even though my sister normally eats really healthy, her children (my nieces and their families), well, not so much.

My nieces, sister and myself started off the week going to the gym Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. My 72-year old skinny (and beautiful) sister usually goes five days a week. On Thursday and Friday we just wanted to stay home, relax and visit, so that's exactly what we did.

For New Year's Day everyone decided on Papa Murphy's pizza (with extra cheese). I looked it up before I ate it, 28 Points for 1/8 of  a pizza (combination). I had two pieces. Then there was the coconut cream pie for dessert (which I didn't even bother to look up the Points) Seriously, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I haven't eaten food like this in oh, I don't know, three years! I wish I could say it made me sick and I felt awful afterwards. I didn't. I felt fine, with just a twinge of regret knowing I was going home the next day and facing the scale.

It wasn't just the one day of overindulgence. My sister makes the world's best homemade bread. It's whole wheat and healthy, but it's bread, and I'm sure it's high in Points. I can't resist it.

We also ate out a lot and even though I tried to order healthy food, eating out is not conducive to weight loss unless you really watch it. I didn't.

Check out this salad I had at Chili's that I looked up AFTER I ate it. I could have looked it up before since I had my phone and internet connection, but I made a conscious decision to look it up later, knowing it wouldn't be good.

Quesadilla Explosion Salad
Calories 1400
Fat grams 88
Sat. Fat 26
Carbs 88
Protein 65
Fiber 10
Sodium 2320

Can you believe those numbers? It should be illegal to serve something this high in fat and calories, not to mention the sodium.

On the plane ride home I felt miserable because my clothes were too tight. My bra was cutting into my back (back fat), my jeans were too snug around my waist (gut fat) and I was wearing my big size 12's. I was so thankful I got a First Class seat  (remember, I'm an airline employee...not rich). I can't imagine three hours squeezed into a middle seat in coach. I think I would have died. At least I was in a nice wide seat for my nice wide butt.

I'm a little disappointed in myself, but I had a great time last week. It really wasn't about the food, it was about spending time with the people I love. The food just happened to be there. I could have said no, and a few times I did eat healthy. Obviously though, I didn't make good choices most of the time.

I will give myself a little credit though. When I got home last night about 8pm, I stopped at the grocery store on my way home. My husband is in Denver visiting his family so it was just going to be me at home. I have issues with eating when I'm alone. It's when I do my worst eating, when no one is watching. I'm a closet eater of junk food. When I'm alone is the most dangerous time for me.

As I was walking through the store last night I had coconut cream pie on my mind. I kept telling myself no. I bought my staples, organic non-fat milk, organic eggs, my favorite whole-grain bread, chicken breasts, non-fat yogurt, lots of fresh fruit and fresh vegetables, and a lot of other things that I eat on a regular basis. All very healthy and on plan.

I kept thinking about the bakery and walked past it a few times, but I never actually looked at any of the baked goods. They have a large cooler full of pies. I knew there would be a coconut cream pie in the cooler. I knew I could buy one, take it home and eat the whole thing. I knew no one would ever know. Somehow I managed to get out of the store with only my healthy food. I consider this a major accomplishment.

Now what?
Now it's time to get down to business. I don't have the I'm-on-vacation excuse. I have great hopes that I can get this thing under control. Today the gym is on my schedule, along with tracking my food and drinking tons of water. Tomorrow it's Weight Watchers and an official weigh in.

I go back to work on Tuesday, and back to my regular routine. For some unexplicable reason, I'm feeling positive and hopeful. I know I can and will do this (again).

A Christmas Wish

As I was standing in a very long, slow-moving line at at Macy's this morning (one LAST gift for hubby), I started thinking about this blog. I realized it's the thing that has basically kept me accountable for the last three years. It's the one thing that has made a huge difference in my weight loss and in my life.

Even though I'm not at goal yet (2011 will be MY year), I didn't gain anything this year. That alone is a small miracle. I've been blogging for three years and this is the first time in my entire life that I've consistently attempted to lose weight for that long of a period AND stuck to a regular exercise routine. My follow through on most things in life is usually poor, especially weight loss and exercise.

Then I realized I wouldn't be posting anything until next year since I'll be in Fairbanks all next week. I don't usually post or read blogs when I'm with my family. This was my last chance to say anything in 2010.

So, to anyone that reads this, first of all, I really appreciate you. If you've ever left me a comment or sent me an email, I appreciate you even more, and if you're a blogger, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I've learned so much from all of you that I can't even begin to express my gratitude. Without all of you I would have given up a long time ago.

The other thing is my Christmas wish for everyone. If I could grant one wish to everyone it would be good health. That's it. Not wealth or possessions or world peace. Just good health. Because if you have good health, you have everything. All that other stuff doesn't mean a thing without it.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

Christmas Eve Day ramblings

Failure
I failed miserably last night with the late night eating. It was all healthy foods, grapes, chicken breasts, persimmons. Even though these foods are healthy and good for me, they still contain calories and put me way over on my limits for Points and calories (about 500 calories).

I mentioned yesterday how I felt really hungry. Dawn left a kind comment that she never felt hungry while losing her 160 pounds. If she was hungry, she ate something. When she speaks, I listen. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to find my off switch yesterday. Sometimes I don't know if it's really hunger or boredom. I wish I could tell the difference. Lately, I'm very out of tune with my body signals. I'm working on it, but it's definitely a challenge.

FedEx and other Christmas adventures
Yesterday was a very late day to the gym because I was waiting most of the day for a FedEx delivery of Christmas present (and one I didn't want to leave sitting outside all day). I knew it was suppose to be delivered after 11:30am (per their website it was on the truck for delivery). I waited until 3pm, still no package. I finally went back online and it was delivered at 1:30pm. But it wasn't delivered! My husband told me I'd better call FedEx. That idea didn't appeal to me. Calling FedEx two days before Christmas to tell them a package they said they delivered wasn't actually delivered sounded like being tortured.

Instead, I started walking down our street of houses to look for my package. I thought it must have been delivered to the wrong house. I was right. There it sat by our neighbor's front door. They weren't home so I just walked up, picked it up, looked at it with my name and address on it, and brought it home.

My husband told me to call FedEx and let them know about the driver's mistake. I decided that the poor delivery guy had probably delivered hundreds of packages this past week, so he made a little mistake on mine. He was probably working massive hours and was exhausted. I found the package and no harm was done (other than a tiny bit of anxiety on my part). I didn't call. Merry Christmas FedEx guy.

Then a trip to Costco for last minute Christmas dinner food. Prime rib for the husband - I won't be touching it, including cooking it. It's his deal. Scallops for both of us, but mainly me! I love scallops.

While I was shopping for the scallops, someone absconded with my shopping cart, half full of food and a few more Christmas gifts, including fake UGG boots for me since I can't find my boots for my Fairbanks trip (I think I gave them to Goodwill - they were almost new but I hated the style). You don't travel to a place where it's 50 degrees below zero without warm boots. I finally found my shopping cart over by the dairy, I hadn't made it to the dairy section yet but the person that took my cart needed some milk.

Today it's back to Costco to return some slippers I bought. Wrong size! Then I need warm gloves for the Fairbanks trip because I can't find those either. I know I had them a few months ago but they seem to have disappeared.

Then the gym...all before noon for sure.

Challenge for today
Since the hunger thing was so out of control yesterday, I'm going to take Dawn and Ron's advice. Eat when hungry, but make sure I'm really hungry and not bored. Ron's advice was to spread out the Points. According to our Weight Watcher leader (and the Getting Started Book for PointsPlus) the perfect day for someone on 29 Points is the following:

Breakfast 5
Lunch 8
Dinner 11
Snack 3
Snack 2

I get another 45 Weeklies and usually at least 10 Activity Points a day, but I'm really trying not to eat those these days.

My other challenge...drink enough water. My personal goal is four 24-ounce bottles, or 96 ounces total. I failed on that yesterday too.

Damnit...that Sarah McLaughlan ASPCSA commercial is one and it gets me every time. Breaks my heart. Where's the remote when I need it?

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!

ps - just checked the Fairbanks weather. It's only -31 degrees (below zero), which means at my sister's house about 30 miles from Fairbanks is -41 (it's always 10 degrees colder out by North Pole). Yes, I definitely need warm boots and gloves for Sunday. :)