When I was little my mother would often wake me with a cheerful "Diana, it's time to rise and shine! I want to hear the pitter patter of those little feet on the floor!". I had a terribly happy mother that was always in a good mood in the morning (and pretty much all the time).
I have been up since 4 a.m. but there has been very little pitter patter of my feet. I am exhausted since I haven't really slept for the last three years.
It's 5:03 a.m. right now. I've been reading blogs the past hour and could happily continue for another hour. But now I really need to move, get my gym clothes on, drive six minutes to the gym, go inside, and really move body.
I don't want to move. I want to sit here by the fireplace, in my recliner, with my kitty curled up on my stomach as I type on my laptop. My kitty, Mickey, is the love of my life. White, longish fur, with a red head and red tail and he is Mr. Personality Plus. He never fails to make me smile. I really hate to disturb him (or do I really mean it's "me" that I don't want to disturb).
Unfortunately, life seems to be a series of things I'd rather not do. Going to the gym in the dark, cold, and rainy weather is one of them. However, I want that good feeling I get afterwards more than I want to sit here, warm and comfortable, with my best fur friend cuddled up with me. Of course, as I typed that, I thought, "Nah! This is better."
Regardless, I'm going to do what is the right thing for me, for my health and for my head...exercise. Lack of sleep is a poor excuse to not exercise.
So my little feet (are size nine feet little?) are going to get moving and get to the gym before it's too late. I have to be out of the house by 5:30 a.m. It's 5:15 a.m. right now.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
My first day back on Weight Watchers
I made it through my first day of Weight Watchers without feeling completely starved and only mildly deprived. I actually tracked every bite and stayed within my Points.
I don't remember the last time I tracked an entire day of food. It was interesting that even though I don't have that ridiculous 100% focus on weight loss that makes me somewhat psycho (okay, a LOT psycho), I still made really good choices.
At the movie I refused the buttered popcorn my friend offered to me, but I did indulge in his Junior Mints. I used my Weight Watcher phone app and scanned the bar code. Sixteen Junior Mints is 5 Points. I counted out 16 mints, placed them on a napkin and ate them one by one, savoring each bite. They would have been better if they were frozen but this theater doesn't freeze them. My sister, who was with us (and is with us every Sunday) thought the whole thing was hysterically funny.
My friend thought I was just plain nuts and tried to convince me to eat whatever I want on weekends and diet during the week. It works for him. He eats super healthy all week, then starting Friday night through Sunday night, he eats whatever he wants. This maintains his healthy 160 pounds on a 6' frame (and he's 55 years old). I claim he has some sort of freakishly fast metabolism although he swears that's not the case. Regardless, I know my body well enough to know I can't eat whatever I want on weekends. The Junior Mints were my big indulgence and something I would have never done in my previous life. Waste 5 Points on candy?! Never! But this is my new life where I relax the rules a little on occasion, in an effort to maintain my sanity.
Dinner was at Applebees last night, with my sister and friend. He almost always orders from the under 550 calorie selection. I looked up the nutrition for the Napa Chicken and Portobello meal he ordered and it was 11 Points. Less than the Weight Watcher selections. It was really good and very filling. I'd highly recommend it if you end up eating at Applebees.
It's almost 5 a.m. I'm going to get dressed in my gym clothes and head to the gym. It's going to be part of my new routine. I'm excited to see what they've done to it during the week long closure for renovation. I really hope they have some cool, new cardio equipment. I hate cardio so anything different would be fun.
I can't believe I've actually posted two days in a row. It's been months but I feel this blog is a necessary and fun part of trying to lose weight. I've missed it. I've missed the people that use to read it and leave kind and supportive comments. I hope you're all still out there. :)
I don't remember the last time I tracked an entire day of food. It was interesting that even though I don't have that ridiculous 100% focus on weight loss that makes me somewhat psycho (okay, a LOT psycho), I still made really good choices.
At the movie I refused the buttered popcorn my friend offered to me, but I did indulge in his Junior Mints. I used my Weight Watcher phone app and scanned the bar code. Sixteen Junior Mints is 5 Points. I counted out 16 mints, placed them on a napkin and ate them one by one, savoring each bite. They would have been better if they were frozen but this theater doesn't freeze them. My sister, who was with us (and is with us every Sunday) thought the whole thing was hysterically funny.
My friend thought I was just plain nuts and tried to convince me to eat whatever I want on weekends and diet during the week. It works for him. He eats super healthy all week, then starting Friday night through Sunday night, he eats whatever he wants. This maintains his healthy 160 pounds on a 6' frame (and he's 55 years old). I claim he has some sort of freakishly fast metabolism although he swears that's not the case. Regardless, I know my body well enough to know I can't eat whatever I want on weekends. The Junior Mints were my big indulgence and something I would have never done in my previous life. Waste 5 Points on candy?! Never! But this is my new life where I relax the rules a little on occasion, in an effort to maintain my sanity.
Dinner was at Applebees last night, with my sister and friend. He almost always orders from the under 550 calorie selection. I looked up the nutrition for the Napa Chicken and Portobello meal he ordered and it was 11 Points. Less than the Weight Watcher selections. It was really good and very filling. I'd highly recommend it if you end up eating at Applebees.
It's almost 5 a.m. I'm going to get dressed in my gym clothes and head to the gym. It's going to be part of my new routine. I'm excited to see what they've done to it during the week long closure for renovation. I really hope they have some cool, new cardio equipment. I hate cardio so anything different would be fun.
I can't believe I've actually posted two days in a row. It's been months but I feel this blog is a necessary and fun part of trying to lose weight. I've missed it. I've missed the people that use to read it and leave kind and supportive comments. I hope you're all still out there. :)
Sunday, September 29, 2013
A Divine Intervention
Last week was one of the most difficult and emotional weeks I've had in a long time. This coming from a woman who has had the most difficult year of her life.
I had to go to court two times last week. One for being held in contempt of court by my estranged husband for ridiculous charges. This was the third time for the same imagined offense. He claimed I had returned his computers to his attorney with the hard drives wiped clean. This is simply not true. They were in working condition when I delivered them to his attorney's office in March. I have been to court three times over this charge and the first two times the judge told him to bring in evidence. I had contacted a computer forensics specialist and he told a hard drive kept a record on it of the exact date and time it was wiped clean. Each time my husband showed up in court he was suppose to present the evidence. Naturally, since it never happened he never had any evidence.
As I drove to court on Wednesday I prayed. I prayed for three things: 1.) that the judge was fair and saw through the lies; 2.) my attorney would be at the top of his game and 3.) that my mother was there in spirit (I was wearing her wedding band on my right ring finger - the first time ever).
What happened in the next two hours was amazing. First, the judge that was assigned to the hearing called in sick at the last minute. I knew her from another hearing and for some reason I never understood, she didn't like me. She always seemed to side with my husband's attorney and not mine. Instead she had been replaced with a judge that had been on the bench for forty years and he was the most fair and impartial judge I've ever had at a hearing. Keep in mind I've been in court nine times in less than a year, with different judges. I'm getting to know a lot of them.
Second, my attorney had just returned from a ten-day vacation. He had spent all day Sunday in his office studying up on his cases. He was at the top of his game. He was the best I've ever seen him.
Third, even though my mother wasn't there (she passed away in 2005), when my attorney walked up to me in the courthouse he had someone with him. Someone I've known for two years and consider a friend. I've heard all about her divorce. She's the one who recommended my divorce attorney saying he was the best (and he has been wonderful). She was bringing her husband back to court for being in arrears for $50,000 of child support. Her case was heard right before mine. So even though my mom wasn't there it was like God sent a friend to be by my side.
I won't go into the details of the hearing, but everything went really well for me, and really bad for my husband. I do feel a certain amount of pity for him, but any love I felt at one time is gone. I don't wish him a bad life, I just want him out of my life.
There was a settlement hearing for the divorce on Thursday. The idea was to settle division of property and debt so we don't have to go to a divorce trial on November 19. I was sure it wouldn't go anywhere since we're not agreeing on division of property or debt. My husband was 30 minutes late to the hearing. They kept us in separate rooms. The judge was kind and seemed fair. However, he said that my husband and his attorney hadn't submitted any documents for the settlement hearing so it was not going to happen. I had agonized for hour preparing my document, trying my best to divide everything 50/50. Oh well. More of my time wasted. Not to mention the $270 for my attorney to just show up, the three hours I took off from work, and the ridiculous $12 parking fee.
The criminal trial is scheduled for October 9. It's suppose to last four or five days. I meet with my husband's defense attorney on Friday for an interview, with the prosecutor and my advocate. I'm dreading but I just hope he sees the truth. I know what my husband has told his defense attorney. I've seen the numerous declarations my husband has filed with the court. They're pretty amazing. It's like reading a fictional novel about a crazy, lunatic female - but that female is suppose to be me and this is my real life.
On the diet and exercise note, I rejoined Weight Watchers yesterday. My weight is definitely up, 198. I'm not crazy about the new leader. In fact, she's really awful. With our old leader the room was filled with people. It was energetic and fun. There was always at least sixty people at the meetings with Janis. Now, about ten people showed. up. It was so boring I thought I was going to fall asleep. Next week my girlfriend and I are going to try a different meeting. I briefly met the leader from the earlier meeting. She was leaving when I arrived. She was friendly, said hello, and asked me how I was doing. Even though I'd never met her I felt a positive energy from her and thought she might be a good leader.
Exercise has been horrible for weeks now. I finally made it back to the gym last weekend only to find out it was closing for all of last week for renovations and new equipment being brought in. So now I'm kind of excited about getting back to my morning routine this week and see what type of new equipment they have and what it looks like. It was definitely in need of an overhaul.
I have my CT Scan on October 16 to see if the cancer has returned, and appointment with my oncologist. I don't feel sick, but I didn't feel sick before until right before the surgery (before I even knew it was cancer). Usually this cancer, Uterine Leiomyosarcoma, comes back in seven to eighteen months after surgical removal. I'm only at six months so even it they don't see anything, it's still early.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic, just realistic. It's a very aggressive cancer so there's a very real possibility that it will come back. I hope it doesn't but only time will tell.
Well, that's it. Life goes on.
I had to go to court two times last week. One for being held in contempt of court by my estranged husband for ridiculous charges. This was the third time for the same imagined offense. He claimed I had returned his computers to his attorney with the hard drives wiped clean. This is simply not true. They were in working condition when I delivered them to his attorney's office in March. I have been to court three times over this charge and the first two times the judge told him to bring in evidence. I had contacted a computer forensics specialist and he told a hard drive kept a record on it of the exact date and time it was wiped clean. Each time my husband showed up in court he was suppose to present the evidence. Naturally, since it never happened he never had any evidence.
As I drove to court on Wednesday I prayed. I prayed for three things: 1.) that the judge was fair and saw through the lies; 2.) my attorney would be at the top of his game and 3.) that my mother was there in spirit (I was wearing her wedding band on my right ring finger - the first time ever).
What happened in the next two hours was amazing. First, the judge that was assigned to the hearing called in sick at the last minute. I knew her from another hearing and for some reason I never understood, she didn't like me. She always seemed to side with my husband's attorney and not mine. Instead she had been replaced with a judge that had been on the bench for forty years and he was the most fair and impartial judge I've ever had at a hearing. Keep in mind I've been in court nine times in less than a year, with different judges. I'm getting to know a lot of them.
Second, my attorney had just returned from a ten-day vacation. He had spent all day Sunday in his office studying up on his cases. He was at the top of his game. He was the best I've ever seen him.
Third, even though my mother wasn't there (she passed away in 2005), when my attorney walked up to me in the courthouse he had someone with him. Someone I've known for two years and consider a friend. I've heard all about her divorce. She's the one who recommended my divorce attorney saying he was the best (and he has been wonderful). She was bringing her husband back to court for being in arrears for $50,000 of child support. Her case was heard right before mine. So even though my mom wasn't there it was like God sent a friend to be by my side.
I won't go into the details of the hearing, but everything went really well for me, and really bad for my husband. I do feel a certain amount of pity for him, but any love I felt at one time is gone. I don't wish him a bad life, I just want him out of my life.
There was a settlement hearing for the divorce on Thursday. The idea was to settle division of property and debt so we don't have to go to a divorce trial on November 19. I was sure it wouldn't go anywhere since we're not agreeing on division of property or debt. My husband was 30 minutes late to the hearing. They kept us in separate rooms. The judge was kind and seemed fair. However, he said that my husband and his attorney hadn't submitted any documents for the settlement hearing so it was not going to happen. I had agonized for hour preparing my document, trying my best to divide everything 50/50. Oh well. More of my time wasted. Not to mention the $270 for my attorney to just show up, the three hours I took off from work, and the ridiculous $12 parking fee.
The criminal trial is scheduled for October 9. It's suppose to last four or five days. I meet with my husband's defense attorney on Friday for an interview, with the prosecutor and my advocate. I'm dreading but I just hope he sees the truth. I know what my husband has told his defense attorney. I've seen the numerous declarations my husband has filed with the court. They're pretty amazing. It's like reading a fictional novel about a crazy, lunatic female - but that female is suppose to be me and this is my real life.
On the diet and exercise note, I rejoined Weight Watchers yesterday. My weight is definitely up, 198. I'm not crazy about the new leader. In fact, she's really awful. With our old leader the room was filled with people. It was energetic and fun. There was always at least sixty people at the meetings with Janis. Now, about ten people showed. up. It was so boring I thought I was going to fall asleep. Next week my girlfriend and I are going to try a different meeting. I briefly met the leader from the earlier meeting. She was leaving when I arrived. She was friendly, said hello, and asked me how I was doing. Even though I'd never met her I felt a positive energy from her and thought she might be a good leader.
Exercise has been horrible for weeks now. I finally made it back to the gym last weekend only to find out it was closing for all of last week for renovations and new equipment being brought in. So now I'm kind of excited about getting back to my morning routine this week and see what type of new equipment they have and what it looks like. It was definitely in need of an overhaul.
I have my CT Scan on October 16 to see if the cancer has returned, and appointment with my oncologist. I don't feel sick, but I didn't feel sick before until right before the surgery (before I even knew it was cancer). Usually this cancer, Uterine Leiomyosarcoma, comes back in seven to eighteen months after surgical removal. I'm only at six months so even it they don't see anything, it's still early.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic, just realistic. It's a very aggressive cancer so there's a very real possibility that it will come back. I hope it doesn't but only time will tell.
Well, that's it. Life goes on.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Dancing through the fire
Yes, that is a line from Katy Perry's song, Roar. It's one of my favorite new workout songs. Thanks a lot Ms. Miley for ruining Blurred Lines for me. Every time I hear it - I now think of herand all the press coverage and the endless videos on the news of your bump and grind routine. That image is forever burned in my head (ugh!).
So how is my life right now? I can honestly say, at this moment in time, today, all is good. I'm happy. All the junk is still in my life, the pending divorce trial (in November) the criminal trial against my husband (in October), the 50% chance that my rare and aggressive cancer will come back, my sister never recovered any mobility from after her stroke, my job is stressful, and I'm still fat. All the usual stuff that everyone has in their day to day life (okay, I admit, perhaps my is a little more drama filled than most).
Even with everything going on, I'm a pretty happy lady these days. I got back to the gym this week and stopped taking Ambien. I think Ambien makes me a little crazy and prone to anxiety attacks--so I quit taking it totally.
My weight has been stable at 193 for weeks, since post-surgery. My night-time eating has stopped completely. I haven't had a binge in months. I credit this to my roommate who swears that eating after 6pm makes a person fat. I don't necessarily agree with that logic, however, it has definitely stopped me from gaining weight.
I have to listen to some of the stuff he says since he's 55 years old, six feet tall and maintains a constant weight of 160 (he's been that weight for years). He once weighed 225, but he could also bench press his own weight so he wasn't really what you could call fat. Fortunately for me, he's a bit of a health nut, with his only weakness being for Fig Newmans and dark chocolate. Well, and and occasionally an apple fritter pastry. He's usually more into lots of veggies and chicken or fish. I'm good with that too so it's working out nicely on the eating front.
I'm posting this now, even though I have lots more I want to say here, I'm out of time. At work. Lunch time. Back to work now. I'm back to reading blogs and hope to get back to regularly posting again.
So how is my life right now? I can honestly say, at this moment in time, today, all is good. I'm happy. All the junk is still in my life, the pending divorce trial (in November) the criminal trial against my husband (in October), the 50% chance that my rare and aggressive cancer will come back, my sister never recovered any mobility from after her stroke, my job is stressful, and I'm still fat. All the usual stuff that everyone has in their day to day life (okay, I admit, perhaps my is a little more drama filled than most).
Even with everything going on, I'm a pretty happy lady these days. I got back to the gym this week and stopped taking Ambien. I think Ambien makes me a little crazy and prone to anxiety attacks--so I quit taking it totally.
My weight has been stable at 193 for weeks, since post-surgery. My night-time eating has stopped completely. I haven't had a binge in months. I credit this to my roommate who swears that eating after 6pm makes a person fat. I don't necessarily agree with that logic, however, it has definitely stopped me from gaining weight.
I have to listen to some of the stuff he says since he's 55 years old, six feet tall and maintains a constant weight of 160 (he's been that weight for years). He once weighed 225, but he could also bench press his own weight so he wasn't really what you could call fat. Fortunately for me, he's a bit of a health nut, with his only weakness being for Fig Newmans and dark chocolate. Well, and and occasionally an apple fritter pastry. He's usually more into lots of veggies and chicken or fish. I'm good with that too so it's working out nicely on the eating front.
I'm posting this now, even though I have lots more I want to say here, I'm out of time. At work. Lunch time. Back to work now. I'm back to reading blogs and hope to get back to regularly posting again.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
She's alive!
I'm still here and doing well. Or as well as one could expect for someone like me, which so many issues.
It was eight weeks ago today that I had a total abdominal hysterectomy, and seven weeks since I was told I had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer, uterine leiomyosarcoma, Stage IB. There isn't any chemo or radiation for this type of cancer. At Stage I since it usually doesn't respond well to either one. The treatment is just "wait and see". Even after surgery to remove the sarcoma, it will often metastasize into the lungs or liver within six to seventeen months 50% chance, maybe 40% if I look on the bright side.
It's been less than 48 hours since my second surgery to remove my remaining ovary. It was a laparscopic surgery and was suppose to take an hour. It took two hours and then seven hours in recovery because I was throwing up and in an incredible amount of pain. I found out later from my surgeon that she had a lot of trouble finding my remaining ovary. The scar tissue from my recent hysterectomy had wrapped around it so there was a lot of cutting away of tissue, which has resulted in a lot of pain.
I have five incisions in my abdomen, which indicates it was robotic laparscopic surgery. My surgeon specializes in robotics (although I forgot to ask her if she used robotics). I'd never heard of five incisions for laparscopic, I thought it was always three or four maximum. Not true for robotics, it's always five, and each of mine are an inch long. I also have an unusual amount of bruising at each incision site. Add in my six-inch vertical incision from my hysterectomy and my abdomen looks like it's been through hell.
I still feel very tired and sore. Extreme pain when getting out of or into bed or the recliner. Since this was a difficult surgery and involved a lot more cutting than expected, my surgeon suggested I stay on medical leave for two weeks, until June 17. The way I feel right now, I completely agree with her.
The most upsetting thing about the surgery was when I weighed myself yesterday. I had gained 14 pounds overnight! I was 197 the morning of the surgery and I was 211 the day after the surgery (on my home scales). I read online that this happens due to the gas and fluid retention, but 14 pounds overnight is pretty tough to take. I didn't weigh yesterday, but I'm really watching what I eat. My latest weight loss tool is MyFitnessPal app on my phone. I know tracking my food is extremely important.
I quit Weight Watchers. Since my favorite leader left, it's just not the same. I might go back some day, especially if I don't start losing weight soon. I've read that it can take up to two weeks to lose the water weight from laparscopic surgery.
The criminal trial for with my husband is suppose to happen this coming Tuesday, but I suspect it's going to be "continued" (delayed). At least that's what the prosecutor's office told me. I guess I'll find out next week, although I'd really like to get it over.
Not much else going on in my life. Actually, there is something going on that I'm dying to post about, but it's probably best that I wait awhile. I mentioned it a couple of months ago, then I pulled the post. If you read that post, then that thing I talked about is going really well. :)
I rejoined the gym 2 1/2 weeks ago, and went five days each week. Of course now I've had a major setback in my exercise routine. For the next couple of weeks all I'm allowed to do is walk.
It was eight weeks ago today that I had a total abdominal hysterectomy, and seven weeks since I was told I had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer, uterine leiomyosarcoma, Stage IB. There isn't any chemo or radiation for this type of cancer. At Stage I since it usually doesn't respond well to either one. The treatment is just "wait and see". Even after surgery to remove the sarcoma, it will often metastasize into the lungs or liver within six to seventeen months 50% chance, maybe 40% if I look on the bright side.
It's been less than 48 hours since my second surgery to remove my remaining ovary. It was a laparscopic surgery and was suppose to take an hour. It took two hours and then seven hours in recovery because I was throwing up and in an incredible amount of pain. I found out later from my surgeon that she had a lot of trouble finding my remaining ovary. The scar tissue from my recent hysterectomy had wrapped around it so there was a lot of cutting away of tissue, which has resulted in a lot of pain.
I have five incisions in my abdomen, which indicates it was robotic laparscopic surgery. My surgeon specializes in robotics (although I forgot to ask her if she used robotics). I'd never heard of five incisions for laparscopic, I thought it was always three or four maximum. Not true for robotics, it's always five, and each of mine are an inch long. I also have an unusual amount of bruising at each incision site. Add in my six-inch vertical incision from my hysterectomy and my abdomen looks like it's been through hell.
I still feel very tired and sore. Extreme pain when getting out of or into bed or the recliner. Since this was a difficult surgery and involved a lot more cutting than expected, my surgeon suggested I stay on medical leave for two weeks, until June 17. The way I feel right now, I completely agree with her.
The most upsetting thing about the surgery was when I weighed myself yesterday. I had gained 14 pounds overnight! I was 197 the morning of the surgery and I was 211 the day after the surgery (on my home scales). I read online that this happens due to the gas and fluid retention, but 14 pounds overnight is pretty tough to take. I didn't weigh yesterday, but I'm really watching what I eat. My latest weight loss tool is MyFitnessPal app on my phone. I know tracking my food is extremely important.
I quit Weight Watchers. Since my favorite leader left, it's just not the same. I might go back some day, especially if I don't start losing weight soon. I've read that it can take up to two weeks to lose the water weight from laparscopic surgery.
The criminal trial for with my husband is suppose to happen this coming Tuesday, but I suspect it's going to be "continued" (delayed). At least that's what the prosecutor's office told me. I guess I'll find out next week, although I'd really like to get it over.
Not much else going on in my life. Actually, there is something going on that I'm dying to post about, but it's probably best that I wait awhile. I mentioned it a couple of months ago, then I pulled the post. If you read that post, then that thing I talked about is going really well. :)
I rejoined the gym 2 1/2 weeks ago, and went five days each week. Of course now I've had a major setback in my exercise routine. For the next couple of weeks all I'm allowed to do is walk.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Kale chips are not potato chips and the beauty of mindfulness
For at least a year I've been reading on different blogs about delicious kale chips. I bought two big bunches of organic kale at Whole Foods and finally, yesterday, I set about making my fake potato chips. I found a recipe online that was five stars, it was kale, olive oil and sea salt.
After carefully washing my kale, putting it in the salad spinner to remove all moisture, tossing it with the olive oil and sea salt, then spreading it out in a single layer on my biggest cookie sheet, baking ten minutes at 275 degrees, flipping each piece of kale over and baking another ten minutes, I sat down for what I expected to be a delicious treat.
They were crunchy and beautiful. I took a bite and my conclusion, YUK! Are you kidding me?! I had a mouthful of nasty, powdery, KALE. Disgusting. I don't know how anyone could say they taste "just like potato chips". They tasted just like...well, baked kale.
I went back and looked at the recipe and reviews again. I had followed it exactly and there were over a 1,000 reviews with an average of five stars out of five stars (allrecipes.com). I guess you really can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I ended up crumbling the "chips" into my beef-barley soup I had made before I knew I had cancer. Beef is off my list of cancer-fight foods I can eat, but I had made this soup and froze it over a month ago. There's only about two ounces of beef per serving so I'm finishing it off since it's so good. Next time I'll make it with free-range organic chicken and chicken broth. The crumbled kale added a vegetable to my soup so that was good, but baked kale chips eaten as potato chips are an urban myth.
Life is good right now. Even though I found out yesterday my husband's defense attorney is going to request a continuance of the June 11 criminal trial, which frustrates me, I'm still feeling the calm of peace after my cancer diagnosis.
I'm really focusing on mindfulness these days which is truly amazing. It really makes you stop and smell the roses along the way. I even put the mindfulness bell app on my cell phone (get it at the Google Play Store). It chimes at me periodically during the day. This makes me stop and take stock on where I am, what I'm doing and what I'm feeling. It amazing at how beautiful life is when you actually pay attention to it.
I've missed too many wonderful moments in life because I was too busy to notice and rushing through life, as though it was something I just wanted to get through. I really think cancer changes a person's life for the better. It's hard to explain until you experience it, but I've really been appreciating the small moments of beauty in my life. Whether it's the beauty of a bouquet of simple pink carnations or my blooming cherry tree in my front yard or the sun on face during these gorgeous spring days or my kitty sitting on my lap, purring as I stroke his fur, it's all good, and I finally feel a peace and happiness I've never experienced before. It's as though the cancer has been a blessing. Mindfulness. Try it, you'll like it.
After carefully washing my kale, putting it in the salad spinner to remove all moisture, tossing it with the olive oil and sea salt, then spreading it out in a single layer on my biggest cookie sheet, baking ten minutes at 275 degrees, flipping each piece of kale over and baking another ten minutes, I sat down for what I expected to be a delicious treat.
They were crunchy and beautiful. I took a bite and my conclusion, YUK! Are you kidding me?! I had a mouthful of nasty, powdery, KALE. Disgusting. I don't know how anyone could say they taste "just like potato chips". They tasted just like...well, baked kale.
I went back and looked at the recipe and reviews again. I had followed it exactly and there were over a 1,000 reviews with an average of five stars out of five stars (allrecipes.com). I guess you really can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I ended up crumbling the "chips" into my beef-barley soup I had made before I knew I had cancer. Beef is off my list of cancer-fight foods I can eat, but I had made this soup and froze it over a month ago. There's only about two ounces of beef per serving so I'm finishing it off since it's so good. Next time I'll make it with free-range organic chicken and chicken broth. The crumbled kale added a vegetable to my soup so that was good, but baked kale chips eaten as potato chips are an urban myth.
Life is good right now. Even though I found out yesterday my husband's defense attorney is going to request a continuance of the June 11 criminal trial, which frustrates me, I'm still feeling the calm of peace after my cancer diagnosis.
I'm really focusing on mindfulness these days which is truly amazing. It really makes you stop and smell the roses along the way. I even put the mindfulness bell app on my cell phone (get it at the Google Play Store). It chimes at me periodically during the day. This makes me stop and take stock on where I am, what I'm doing and what I'm feeling. It amazing at how beautiful life is when you actually pay attention to it.
I've missed too many wonderful moments in life because I was too busy to notice and rushing through life, as though it was something I just wanted to get through. I really think cancer changes a person's life for the better. It's hard to explain until you experience it, but I've really been appreciating the small moments of beauty in my life. Whether it's the beauty of a bouquet of simple pink carnations or my blooming cherry tree in my front yard or the sun on face during these gorgeous spring days or my kitty sitting on my lap, purring as I stroke his fur, it's all good, and I finally feel a peace and happiness I've never experienced before. It's as though the cancer has been a blessing. Mindfulness. Try it, you'll like it.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Be gentle with yourself
Be gentle with yourself. How many times have I received this advice over the years? From my friends, my relatives, my coworkers and my blog friends (who I consider real friends).
I heard the words, but I didn't listen to them. I didn't know how to be gentle with myself. I didn't know how important it was to really live these four little words, "Be gentle with yourself".
The diagnosis of cancer is opening my eyes to so many things. Staring my own mortality in the face is making me take stock of my life. I'm seeing things so differently now. I never would have done this without cancer. I would have continued stumbling through life, dealing with things like I always have, filled with anger at the unfairness of it all. I have always stressed out over the smallest things, and the bigger the event, the bigger the stress reaction. Now I have to step back, re-evaluate and think about what I'm doing to my body internally when I react to external forces.
I'm reading a couple really good books, one is about dealing with cancer (or any serious illness, but the focus is on cancer), and the other one is preventing cancer. Preventing a recurrence of cancer is the same as preventing cancer.
Love, Medicine & Miracles by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D. is an amazing book. Dr. Siegel is a traditional medical doctor and writes about patient empowerment and the choice to live fully and die in peace. I love this book! The other book that I highly recommend for everyone, even if you don't have cancer (and especially if you don't want to get cancer) is The Definitive Guide to Cancer by Lise N. Alschuler, ND, FABNO, and Karolyn A. Gazella. This book takes a holistic approach to cancer prevention (and recognizes the benefits of traditional medicine). It focuses on nutrition, diet and stress reduction. It's also an excellent book. I love how they talk about the 80/20 rule. Eat clean 80 percent of the time, and it's okay if you bend the rules other 20 percent. In other words, a cookie now and then won't kill me.
Here's an excerpt from The Definitive Guide to Cancer, page 40-41. This is from chapter three, Prevention is Paramount:
"But for those of us trying to prevent cancer recurrence, enhancing our overall health will help add quantity and quality to the years we have left. The first step in making changes and setting goals is to access where you are right now. So to that end, and without judgement, take some time to evaluate your life. On a piece of paper, write down your answers to these questions:
1. How many hours a week do you spend working?
2. How many hours a week do you spend playing?
3. How many hours a week do you spend doing some type of spiritual practice (praying, mediating, volunteering, connecting with nature)?
Next, make a list of activities, things, and people that make you feel happy, at peace, and fulfilled. How many hours a week do you spend with those people or doing those things? At the end of your life, no matter when that occurs, what will you cherish more: money or moments, power or peace; chaos or caring? A life well lives is a life well loved, and that begins with self-love. Don't let everyday obstacles get in the way of such devoted self-love."
Now if that doesn't make you want to buy this book, I don't know what will. It's filled with this type of thinking, as well as a lengthy discussion on nutrition and diet.
If nothing else, cancer is life changing. Even if I only have a few years left, I intend to make those the best years possible. Whether it's five or twenty-five, I intend to have a life well lived.
I heard the words, but I didn't listen to them. I didn't know how to be gentle with myself. I didn't know how important it was to really live these four little words, "Be gentle with yourself".
The diagnosis of cancer is opening my eyes to so many things. Staring my own mortality in the face is making me take stock of my life. I'm seeing things so differently now. I never would have done this without cancer. I would have continued stumbling through life, dealing with things like I always have, filled with anger at the unfairness of it all. I have always stressed out over the smallest things, and the bigger the event, the bigger the stress reaction. Now I have to step back, re-evaluate and think about what I'm doing to my body internally when I react to external forces.
I'm reading a couple really good books, one is about dealing with cancer (or any serious illness, but the focus is on cancer), and the other one is preventing cancer. Preventing a recurrence of cancer is the same as preventing cancer.
Love, Medicine & Miracles by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D. is an amazing book. Dr. Siegel is a traditional medical doctor and writes about patient empowerment and the choice to live fully and die in peace. I love this book! The other book that I highly recommend for everyone, even if you don't have cancer (and especially if you don't want to get cancer) is The Definitive Guide to Cancer by Lise N. Alschuler, ND, FABNO, and Karolyn A. Gazella. This book takes a holistic approach to cancer prevention (and recognizes the benefits of traditional medicine). It focuses on nutrition, diet and stress reduction. It's also an excellent book. I love how they talk about the 80/20 rule. Eat clean 80 percent of the time, and it's okay if you bend the rules other 20 percent. In other words, a cookie now and then won't kill me.
Here's an excerpt from The Definitive Guide to Cancer, page 40-41. This is from chapter three, Prevention is Paramount:
"But for those of us trying to prevent cancer recurrence, enhancing our overall health will help add quantity and quality to the years we have left. The first step in making changes and setting goals is to access where you are right now. So to that end, and without judgement, take some time to evaluate your life. On a piece of paper, write down your answers to these questions:
1. How many hours a week do you spend working?
2. How many hours a week do you spend playing?
3. How many hours a week do you spend doing some type of spiritual practice (praying, mediating, volunteering, connecting with nature)?
Next, make a list of activities, things, and people that make you feel happy, at peace, and fulfilled. How many hours a week do you spend with those people or doing those things? At the end of your life, no matter when that occurs, what will you cherish more: money or moments, power or peace; chaos or caring? A life well lives is a life well loved, and that begins with self-love. Don't let everyday obstacles get in the way of such devoted self-love."
Now if that doesn't make you want to buy this book, I don't know what will. It's filled with this type of thinking, as well as a lengthy discussion on nutrition and diet.
If nothing else, cancer is life changing. Even if I only have a few years left, I intend to make those the best years possible. Whether it's five or twenty-five, I intend to have a life well lived.
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