Most of my recent posts have had the same theme, "this is hard" or "the struggle is real", "still trying", et cetera. Post after post talking about how I can't seem to get myself in the mood to lose weight. I don't have the motivation, or more important, I don't have the determination. I've been in the same state for months, just as Katie talked about in her recent Runs for Cookies post.
I still don't have the answers or the solution, but I may have a touch of determination. At least for today. For one day, I'm trying to give it my best shot. For just today, I've tracked every bite of food in My Fitness Pal. Just for today, I hiked six miles in the woods with my boyfriend. It was and still is a good day.
A little off-topic here, but my boyfriend is really my fiance, but that's a weird word, and always reminds me of this Seinfeld episode, which cracks me up every time. So I'll keep calling him my boyfriend until after the wedding, then he'll be my husband (which much less pretentious sounding).
Maybe, if I can make it through one whole day of really trying, maybe tomorrow I can make it through day two. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. One day at a time as they say.
You would think my wedding on April 18, 2020 would make me determined. Or my 10-day Paris honeymoon in May. Nope, it doesn't seem to faze me whatsoever. It's like the more I think about these two big events, the more my mind runs in the opposite direction towards eating everything in sight. It's been very strange that I can't seem to get my eating under control. I've done it before, yet it seems harder this time. Or maybe this is just my mind playing games with me. Is it really harder or is my mind just telling me it's harder so I have an excuse to be lazy?
I'm not saying it's not hard. I'm saying it's not impossible. Life in general is kind of hard. Getting up and going to work every morning. Being challenged every single day at work. Just a reminder, I'm 64 years old working with a group of twenty and thirty year olds in software development. Maybe you can relate, or maybe not. Let's just say it's a fast-paced world I live in, and it's not easy. But also, it's not impossible. Just like controlling my eating. Hard, but not impossible.
As a new source of encouragement, I have a new favorite podcast, "We Only Look Thin". I love this couple. They're so inspirational and funny as heck. I've been listening to them every day for the past two weeks, and I credit them with helping me get back on track.
I didn't mention my weight yet. I bet you thought I'd ignore it. Believe me, I wish I could ignore the fact that I'm a full 25 pounds heavier than my marathon weight in 2018. I was 165 for the marathon (and that was 10 pounds too heavy). Today I'm 190. Ouch! It sort of hurts to type that number. That's really close to 200, and I honestly in my heart thought I'd never see that number again.
Last parting thought, how many of you want Michelle Obama's arms? I've been wanting her arms since the first time I saw them. I'm on a mission to get arms that at least look similar. Here's her workout:
Until next time, au revoir!
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