It wasn't really that funny

My manager drew this on the white board in my cubicle yesterday. She was trying to make me laugh. It didn't really work. Because the picture on the left is definitely me, including the dark circles under my eyes. We have a software release on 10/12, with a code complete date of 9/3. Pretty much anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong.

61 hours. That's how many hours I've worked in the last seven days. That includes last Sunday and today. Three days left the office at 8pm, 11-hour days with no lunch.

A weird thing happens when I work too much and don't get enough sleep. I cry. Deep, sad, weeping. For no apparent reason. That was what happened yesterday when I was driving home at 8pm. I was crying so hard I could hardly see to drive. Why? I have no explanation other than complete exhaustion.  It's just a deep sadness that overwhelms me. After ten-hours of sleep I'm usually like a new person. This morning, not so much.

Even though I had a really productive day in the office today, and I'm confident I'll make Friday's deadline, I'm tired of working. I even went to the gym for an hour and half after work today, hoping it would create some happy endorphins. It didn't work.

Tomorrow I have to go in to the office again. I think I'm going to go to the gym before I go. Going tonight wasn't fun, but I manage an intense StairMaster session for 30 minutes, and 45 minutes of weights. I added some bonus exercises, concentrated dumbbell curls 25 pounds, and that was after three sets of 12 with a 20-pound dumbbell. I also did some dumbbell curls with that big 44-pound barbell. Gosh that thing is heavy all by itself. It was a great workout, but I didn't really change my mood for the better. Okay, maybe just a tiny bit.

As far as my eating, it's been pretty good but not good enough to lose weight. I'm holding steady at 175.4. I really need to lose weight. Not just so I can fit into my clothes comfortably, but also because my blood pressure has skyrocketed lately. I've been checking it the last few weeks and it's creeping up. Last night it was 154/82. Not good.

I was on blood pressure medicine three years ago for almost two years. Then my doctor took me off of it about a year ago when I was down to 160 pounds. I held steady at 110/60 for about a year. I'm sure the extra weight and the stress at work, a lethal combination, is causing my high blood pressure.

Since I can't quit my job, I need to at least lose the weight. The thought of a stroke or a heart attack scares me to death (ha..ha..now that's kind of funny).

I probably shouldn't write anything when I'm feeling like this. I'm not exactly an inspiration right now.

Day 4 and 11, 340 days to go...

Yikes, I missed posting on Thursday! However, it's 1:12 a.m. Friday morning, and I haven't been to bed yet. So it's sort of still Thursday night as far as I'm concerned.

I had a really fun night out with my best girlfriend. We went to dinner and a movie, which was a lot of fun.

Dinner was at Joey's at Southcenter, a place where the wait staff all look like young, beautiful models. No one is overweight or unattractive. It's kind of weird and a little disconcerting. They don't look like real people, kind of like Stepford-people. If you've ever been there, you know what I mean.

I had Panang Curry Prawn Bowl with organic brown rice (no peanuts because I'm allergic). It was one of the lowest calorie items on the menu, but it was still was 680 calories and 24 grams of fat! I'd eaten lightly all day so I think I'll be okay. It was delicious, but that's a lot of calories and fat for one meal.

We saw The Switch, a really fun movie. It's a chick flick, but if you like Jennifer Anniston, you'll love this movie. It was Jennifer at her best, basically playing Rachel from Friends (a few years older, but just as pretty as ever...actually, I think she's gotten prettier). It was her typical role, but she's good at it so why not play what she's good at doing.  Plus Justin Bateman was excellent and he's a cutie.

I managed to drag myself to the gym this morning at 5:30 a.m. My goal of an hour of cardio a day is no longer my goal. After 36 minutes on the elliptical I thought to myself - I'd rather take a bullet to the head than do an hour of cardio a day. I wouldn't mind biking for an hour, or hiking, or even walking outside. But stuck on a piece of cardio equipment in the gym, um, no thanks. Total and complete boredom. Even with my iPod and the TV and people to watch, I really don't enjoy it. I know it's necessary, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

In case you're wondering, the title of this post, "11, 340 days to go" is how may days I have left to live, approximately of course since no one knows when they'll die. If I live until I'm 86 (same as my mom), then that's another 31 years or 11,340 days. That's how many days left that I need to eat healthy and exercise...not the 127 days until December 31, 2010...it's more like forever.

The moon Thursday morning at 5:20 a.m., on my way to the gym.

The strange thing is I love lifting weights. I can't explain why, but I can easily lift weights for an hour or more and not get bored. I wish would be to only lift weights and never do cardio (unless it's outside). If only...

Not as good as day one (128 days left!)

Part of my December 31, 2010 challenge (besides the obvious - lose weight)...is to post on a more regular basis.

Therefore, even though I had a hell of day at work, even though I worked eleven hours again, and even though I'm past the point of exhaustion, here I am. Another short post without any inspiring words.

Absolutely no exercise today, although my eating was great. I'm actually too busy and too stressed to give much thought to food. I'm eating, but at work I usually eat my lunch. I've brought home most of my snacks every day this week.

When I left my office at eight tonight, I had really good intentions to stop at the gym on my way. I talked myself out of it before I got there. I'm was too exhausted. Plus, I really hate evening workouts. The free weights areas (we have two at my gym), are packed at night with guys hoisting 50-pound dumbbells (show offs!). I don't really mind all that testerone, but it's much quieter in the early mornings. It's like the gym belongs to me in the mornings. At night I'm just one of the masses.Tomorrow Im to back morning workouts.

Day 1 of the challenge

A very quick post tonight because I'm beyond exhausted. After an 11-hour work day, tonight I went to the gym for a an hour after work. It's was the hardest thing I've ever done. I really wanted to go home, sit quietly and curl up in a ball. Work is killing me lately.

I had walked at lunch, very briskly, for 45 minutes. I had a whole list of why I should skip the gym. Then I thought about the challenge and it's only day one. I couldn't blow on day one! I mean, who does something like that?!

The only reason I forced myself to hit the gym because it's day one of Tony's challenge. I couldn't let myself down.

Challenge goal for December 31, 2010 (approximately 18 weeks from today):

Weight - 155

That means I must lose 21 pounds in 18 weeks.

I'm also going to start increasing my exercise by doubling my cardio. That's right, double it! I've been doing 30 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes strength most days. I'm going to start increasing cardio by 5 minutes a week until I hit 60 minutes. This is going to take some work, but I'm up for it!

I'm also cutting back on my food. It's after midnight so day one was a total success for food and exercise.

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Water

Something on heard on the news this morning. When I was losing weight fast, I drank tons of water. Then Weight Watchers came out a few years ago and said you only need six eight-ounce servings of fluid a day. That included coffee and other beverages. Since Weight Watchers said that it wasn't important to drink 64-ounces a day (my old standard), I cut way back water.

Hearing about the article below has me back to guzzling the water. If nothing else, it just puts in the right mindset to do this.
Bed now. Must sleep!
176 - ?

If you're over 50, the key to shedding a few extra pounds could be as simple as having two cups of water before meals, a new study shows.


The study looked at overweight or obese adults ages 55 to 75 and separated them into two groups. Both groups were given low-fat, low-calorie meals for 12 weeks. One group was also instructed to drink two 8 oz cups of water before meals.


While both groups lost weight, the group that drank the water lost 30 percent more weight than the other group, said Dr. Jennifer Ashton, medical correspondent for CBS.


Drinking water before meals isn't quite as effective for younger adults, said Ashton. One theory is that since the stomach empties more quickly in younger bodies, the water doesn't cause the same feeling of fullness.

December 31, 2010...where will you be?

It's not that long until December 31, 2010. A ittle over four months. What you can you accomplish in four short months? Where will you be on that day? Who will you be with? What will you be thinking?

You can throw away these four months if that's what you want. But...on December 31, 2010, you'll be filled with regrets. You'll be wondering why? Why didn't you eat better and exercise more? Why didn't you just try harder?

I'm starting Tony's Weight Loss Challenge. It's not really a contest with other people, but a challenge to yourself to really give it 100% of your effort to get to a healthier weight by December 31.

This is just the kick I needed. I'll post my progress here each Monday to let your know how I'm doing.

Tomorrow is  my new day one. I'm planning on the gym in the morning nad a walk at lunch. I haven't been both of those activities on the same for seal

I also plan on breaking my bad habit of packing a gigantic lunch for work. It's all Point friendly food, but I'm eating too much.  From now on, I only pack what I can act

Where will you be on Decmeber 31. Hating yourself or patting yourself on the back for a job well-done. I hope you're there with me ceebraing!

Why I haven't been posting very often

My posts have been few and far between these days. Last week I only posted once. That usually means something bad in the blog world. If that's what you're thinking, you're right.

I'm kind of in a funk lately. Not exactly depressed, but not my usual happy self. I'm finding it harder and harder to even fake happiness, and usually I'm pretty good at faking happy. In fact, I'm so good at it I can usually talk myself out of a bad mood just by pretending to be happy. Lately though, it's just not that easy.

I wonder if maybe this is depression and what if I feel like this forever. Is that what people feel like when they're clinically depressed and seek out psychiatric help and antidepressants? Okay, maybe I'm not that sad, I'm just kind of sad. I'm not happy where I am at this point of my life, on many levels, but I'm not quite ready for nut house.

I'm reading all your blogs, but I'm not commenting. No particular reason, just that I always feel rushed and exhausted. Plus, honestly, I say the same old thing over and over. It's never really inspiring or helpful. Just the same old thing. I wish I had some worthy bits of wisdom to share, but I'm struggling myself so I don't feel anything I have to say is worthwhile. If I had the answers, I'd fix myself.

My personal weight loss journey has come to a standstill. I'm not gaining weight, but I'm up 20 pounds from my lowest weight in the last two years (175.6 this morning). I'm not losing weight. More importantly, I'm not really trying anymore. I've become lazy, bored, and just tired of it all.

I still exercise, but lately my heart really hasn't been into it. I'm finding it difficult to make myself get out of bed in the mornings and get to the gym. Instead of working out six or seven times a week, I've cut back to four times a week.

I haven't been tracking my food either. I usually start out with good intentions, but about halfway through my day, I usually just give up.

My eating isn't terrible, I'm not eating junk food unless you call the Dreyers 70 calories Pomegranate frozen juice bars junk food (and they are sort of). Other than that one thing, my food is completely healthy and wholesome, but my servings are too large.

So what am I going to do about this situation? I honestly don't know. I'd kick my own butt if I could, but I just don't have the energy nor the desire anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I need to get out of this mood I've been in. I miss the old me.

There were a few things that made me smile this week:

1. I tried to call Riverroad Animal Hospital on my Blackberry using my Bluetooth. I said, "Call Riverroad". The phone said, "Call rrrr-rrrr?". I thought, well, sort of sounds like Riverroad. I said "yes". Phone said "Calling rrrr-rrrr". It called Linda Mathys (my niece). Really, Linda Mathys sounds like "Riverroad"?

2. I constantly forget to lock my cell phone when I throw it in my purse. As a result, it's always yelling at me "Say a command!". Yesterday I said, "Just shut up and turn off!". The phone said "Voice prompts off". Blessed silence. Then I had a moment of my panic because I didn't know how to turn voice prompts back on.."turn on" worked.

3. I was sitting at my desk at work today (and yes, today is Sunday!), stepping through the same chunk of code for five freaking hours and not being able to figure out why my web service call kept failing, I literally said out loud to myself (alone in the office): "I wish I was smarter!".  Then it occurred to me to to take the web service error I was getting and search for it in Google. The first search result that came back said to check the CurrentState of the object. That was the problem! Okay, so I'm not smart, but Google is smart (thank you Larry Page and Sergey Brin!).

4. I was listening to a new Ke$ha song on my iPod. I wanted to know the name of the song so I pressed the middle button, the iPod said "My First Kiss featuring Kah-dollar-sign-ha 303". It's obviously Ke$ha
30H!3. No wonder iPod is confused!

5. Thursday was my twenty-second wedding anniversary. After work my husband met me at a restaurant for dinner. When I pulled into the parking lot he was standing there holding a dozen peach roses and the sweetest card he's ever given me. I haven't exactly been a joy to live with lately so I was surprised. It made me smile.

I guess life isn't all black and horrible. As my mom would say, this too shall pass. :)

Lakes, mountains and mosquitoes

Seattle broke a record on Saturday, 95 degrees! Fortunately we were up near Mt. Rainier where the it was comfortable, low 70's.

Unfortunately the mosquitoes and flies loved the heat and were out in full force while we were hiking. I've never seen anything like it, and I'm from Alaska where the mosquito is called the state bird.

We started off the hike at the Mowich Lake trailhead and our goal was Tolmie Peak Lookout, a fire lookout. Round-trip was only 6.5 miles and it was rated moderate. Moderate is never what I would expect it to be (somewhat easy), it's always a lot harder.

The views were breathtaking, but when we got to Lake Eunice the mosquitoes ruined my good time. There were literally thousands of the little blood-sucking beasts. Of all the times I've hiked up near Mt. Rainier I've never been bothered by mosquitoes, yet I always carried insect repellent. In my infinite wisdom yesterday I decided to lightened my 20-pound backpack and take out the repellent. I never use it anyway so why carry it?

Oh.my.God. I was eaten alive. Lake Eunice was beautiful, but the mosquitoes swarmed me. I was covered in bites, at least 30 on each arm. They were weird mosquitoes, very small but they left big bumps that itched like crazy. However my husband didn't get a single bite!

Sunday morning the bites didn't itch anymore, and were just lots of tiny bumps. In Alaska the mosquitoes are huge, and they leave a bite that itches for days with huge welts. The bites still look awful, it's like I have some sort of arm and leg acne, but at least they don't itch.

The hike was difficult, and we didn't make it all the way to Tolmie Peak. Mainly because the mosquitoes were so bad I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was going insane trying to keep them from biting me. Plus that last mile to Tolmie Peak was very steep, up the side of a mountain. We both agreed to head back to the trail head.

Even though the hike was beatiful, the bugs were horrible. Besides the mosquitoes, there were swarms of small flies everywhere. We might try the hike again in late September when there aren't so many bugs.
 

My eating was good until I got home and made a Flatout pizza, which has become my new favorite food. It's mostly vegetables (red bell peppers, onions, mushrooms) with either chicken breast or turkey pepperoni and 1/4 cup 2% cheese. It makes a huge serving and it's delicious, but I haven't figured out the calories/Points yet (because I'm not sure I want to know). Then I ate four--yes four so sort of a binge--Dreyers Pomegranate frozen fruit bars (second ingredient is sugar so not exactly a health food). They're 70 calories each, but I ate four. Not a good thing.
 
Even though I burned 800 calories on our three-hour hike yesterday (only 5.5 miles round-trip but they were HARD miles), I still weighed 173.6 Sunday morning. Oh well, it's a new week.

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Mowich Lake at the trailhead.

Just an example of the how rough the trail was, and this wasn't even the bad part. After we hiked another mile we were looking forward to getting to back to this part. It made this look easy.

 Mt. Rainier

Lupine (?)

Paintbrush (?)

Some sort of wild lily

 

A sweet, young couple offered to take our picture. It seems like the people we meet when hiking are the nicest people. I've never run into anyone weird or rude. Maybe just lucky, or maybe people that like nature are innately nice. :)

Me wading in Lake Eunice. It was icy cold, but felt wonderful to my hot, tired feet.  As long as I was out in the water the mosquitoes left me alone.

Lake Eunice

Crystal clear water of Lake Eunice with a soft, sandy bottom. And me with naked toes!

There was another couple there that were actually swimming in it. Probably to escape the mosquitoes.

Jack looking at the incredible scenery. At the very top of that peak is Tolmie Lookout.

You can see why we didn't hike up there. Maybe next time.

Back at the trailhead, Mowich Lake

Another view of Mowich Lake

Mt. Rainier

And Mt. Rainier again. One can never

have too many Mt. Rainier pictures.