It beats the alternative

It was almost impossible for me to get to the gym this morning. It was dark, pouring rain, windy and cold. At 5am it took every bit of energy I had to get out of bed, dressed in my workout clothes, get into the car and drive to the gym.

How did I do this all last winter? Even after I got to the gym this morning I had to force myself to work out. Maybe it's because I worked out late yesterday, 4pm-6pm, or maybe like so many others, I'm just tired of it all.

I was on the StairMaster thinking to myself, would it be so bad to die at 73? Let's say I stopped exercising today, stopped watching what I eat and just forget about being healthy. I wonder what would happen?

1. I'd be tired, sad, depressed, miserable. My self-esteem would plummet.

2. I wouldn't be able to do my job to the best of my ability.

3. My marriage would suffer because I wouldn't have any confidence and wouldn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I'd take it out on my husband.

4. I'd probably suffer a premature death, if I was lucky. More likely I'd get diabetes or some other dreaded weight-related illness and be in a wheelchair or go blind. I'd probably have to move into an assisted living home because I wouldn't be able to care for myself.

5. None of my clothes would fit. This doesn't sound like a really big deal, but having lost and gained a large amount of weight several times in my life, this would be really difficult for me. I'm already back into a size 12 and not happy about it. To gain any more weight would be devastating.

6. If in #2 I suffered a premature death, my husband would be left alone. He would be very sad. Even with the marital difficulties we've had over the years I know he loves me to pieces. It makes me sad to think of him being hurt because I was too stupid to take care of myself. Or worse yet, he'd have to take care of me if I became ill.

7. I would be walking around in a fog from the crappy food I was eating. A sugar-induced, refined foods fog. I don't want to live in a fog. I want to be awake for my life. Whether it's sadness or happiness, I want to experience it.

8. I would be in pain. When I was at my highest weight of 240 my knees and ankles hurt like hell. There was also something that hurt. I hate pain. I don't do it well. If I can prevent it then I will.

9. Sex wouldn't be as fun (maybe this should be #1).

10. I would kind of hate myself for being so stupid to let the nine things above happen to me.

Overall, it would be a miserable existence. Even though getting my butt out of bed and into the gym every morning isn't exactly a joyous experience, nor is counting my Points in everything I eat, it sure beats the alternative.