A body worth keeping

I've had very few dreams in the last couple of years that I actually remembered when I woke up. Since I started sleeping more I've been remembering my dreams. Some of the dreams are good, some not so good, some borderline nightmares.

Last night was a good dream. I think it stemmed from something I've started doing every morning after I get out of the shower. The idea came from Mary, when she suggested to try and say something nice about our body.

I've been doing the opposite for years. Almost every day I've been saying something or several things bad about my body for as long as I can remember. During the past week, each day I've stood in front of the mirror, naked, and found something positive to focus on.

This little task is not always easy. My natural response is to immediately go for the negative. Hips too wide, thighs too fat, stomach sticks out too much. You know the routine.

Every morning  last week I said something nice to myself about my body. Nice shoulders, strong arms, narrow waist, strong legs. I also touch the body part and could feel the muscles underneath the skin. Skin that's 54 years old and has been stretched and shrunk many times with my yo-yo dieting. Even though it's not the taut skin of a 20-year old, it's still soft with firm muscle underneath in most areas.

I still turn sideways and stare at my belly with disdain, as well as the hips and thighs. However, I try to end each one of these morning evaluations with something positive. Love the shoulders Diana! Great triceps! Just one positive thing.

The dream last night was odd, but it was a good dream. I was doing the Camel yoga pose. It's the pose where you kneel, bend backwards arching your spine and grab your ankles, and stretch, tucking your hips in and thrusting out your chest.

While I was doing this, I was also outside my body. My other self was touching my naked back, admiring the firmness of it. My stomach didn't stick out since I was arched backwards. In my dream I didn't even notice my hips or my thighs. I just remember thinking what a strong body I had, that I liked it. That it was a good body.

It was just a dream, but I woke up thinking wow, that was profound. Was that my subconscious telling me it's okay that my hips are too wide and my thighs are fat? That I'm still strong and powerful and should be happier with my body.

Another thought I had when I woke up this morning is that I'll never be fat again. I know we all say that when we lose weight. It's the mantra I hear and read all the time. I've done it myself.

Recently I went back to some of my old posts where I said "85 pounds gone forever!". I was so cocky and so sure of myself. Then I gained 20 pounds. That knocked the wind right out of my sails.

I'm completely back on plan now and have been for about three weeks. I've made some significant changes in my eating which I'll write about in a later post. Things that we all know, but I never actually tried doing. There's no magic pill, but there are things that work like magic (with a little hard work thrown in).

I think I want to keep this body. If it means an hour at the gym every day for the rest of my life, I'm okay with it. I've been doing that for over two years now and it's really not that big of a deal. If it means I have to eat less but eat healthy, delicious foods, I can do that too. This body is worth any hard work it takes to keep it as healthy as possible for as long as possible. It's a body worth keeping.

I guess I found my words. :)